Anxiety

1. Recognize Anxiety's Deep and Understandable Roots

From a clear-eyed perspective, the risks and troubles that face us are truly multitudinous and petrifying.

Life is inherently risky. It is astonishing we aren't constantly anxious, given the sheer number of unpredictable threats we face daily. Our physical bodies are fragile, capable of failing instantly from tiny defects, and we are forced to make major life decisions with incomplete information about the future.

Complex minds, early scars. Our sophisticated minds are vulnerable to lasting trauma from childhood experiences before we could even understand them. We struggle to connect with our inner selves or appreciate our small place in the universe, while mass media constantly amplifies fears and desires.

Relationships and work pressures. Opening ourselves up in relationships risks profound hurt, and we worry constantly about the safety and well-being of our children, over whom we have little control against fate. At work, reputation is fragile, defeat looms, and we feel inadequate compared to perceived ideals.

2. Our Evolutionary Design Fuels Modern Anxiety

Nature, apparently, would prefer we were worried ninety-nine percent of the time rather than lived in a relaxed way and fell prey to a tiger.

Poorly designed minds. While our bodies and brains achieve amazing feats, they are also riddled with design flaws inherited from evolution, leaving us ill-adapted for modern life. We are overly sensitive to childhood experiences and tend to be unkind to ourselves, internalizing harsh past judgments.

Ineffective thinking patterns. We panic easily, resist important self-reflection, crave distraction, and struggle to understand our true motivations or talents. Our minds misjudge threats, fixating on minor worries while ignoring major ones like failing to appreciate the present moment.

Social and emotional biases. We worry excessively about others' opinions, as if still living in small tribes where every judgment mattered, wasting energy on strangers. We also exaggerate our chances of happiness, leading to bitter disappointment when life follows statistical norms rather than idealized outcomes.

3. Modern Society Intensifies Our Anxieties

We’ve built a much safer and more prosperous world than our ancestors ever enjoyed, but modern times have also brought a special range of troubles into our lives that contribute to our enhanced anxiety.

Pressures of perfectionism. The modern age's ambitious goals – curing disease, achieving constant happiness, living forever – are currently out of reach, leaving us feeling inadequate and disappointed. Unlike past eras where suffering was accepted, we now feel angst that a perfect life seems possible but unattainable.

Individualism and isolation. While individualism offers liberation, it also removes the support of close-knit groups, leaving us feeling solely responsible for our struggles. We suffer alone without an anchor, blaming only ourselves for sorrows that might once have been shared burdens.

Work and meritocracy. Modern society fixates on professional achievement as the measure of worth, tying self-esteem to performance in an uncertain economy. The belief in meritocracy implies that failure is deserved, converting poverty from misfortune into evidence of personal incompetence and exponentially increasing the burden of failure.

4. Trauma Distorts Our Perception of Present Danger

The catastrophe one fears will happen has already happened.

Alarm system stuck. Persistent, high-level anxiety often stems from a past trauma that damaged our ability to distinguish between minor and extreme danger. A deeply frightening past event, like an encounter with a "bear" when unprepared, jams the inner alarm into a permanent "on" position.

Catastrophic generalization. As a result, the traumatized person fears not just the original threat, but everything associated with it, losing the ability to rank dangers logically. Every slightly daunting challenge feels like an existential crisis, making daily life a constant state of emergency.

Forgotten history, present fear. Trauma is often overwhelming and hidden from conscious memory, making its presence known only through symptoms like pervasive fear and a distorted view of reality. Our current anxieties about the future often hold the best clues to the nature of the forgotten past catastrophe.

5. Self-Hatred Drives Fear of External Judgment

Anxiety is not always anxiety; sometimes it is just a very well-disguised, entrenched and unfair habit of disliking who we are.

Anticipating deserved punishment. An unexpected source of anxiety is self-hatred; if we don't feel worthy, we unconsciously expect the world to punish us as we believe we deserve. This leads to a constant anticipation of disgrace, rejection, or public humiliation, even when things are going well.

Self-hatred is often unconscious. Disliking oneself can become so ingrained it feels like second nature rather than a distinct problem. Questions about self-worth can reveal this hidden issue, showing that agitation may stem from low self-esteem rather than objective external threats.

Cure through love, not logic. Trying to reason away anxiety fueled by self-hatred is ineffective; the solution lies in cultivating self-compassion and recognizing one's inherent worthiness. Anxiety in this form is a symptom of an unfair habit of disliking oneself, requiring tenderness and acceptance.

6. Anxiety Can Be a Diversion from Deeper Issues

If your mind wasn’t currently filled with these particular anxious thoughts, what might you have to think about right now?

Smokescreen for pain. Anxiety can be all-consuming, preventing us from analyzing or questioning our fears, but it often functions as a smokescreen for something else more painful or emotionally awkward. It can be easier to fret about surface issues than confront deeper sadness, loneliness, or anger.

Avoiding true self-knowledge. We might worry intensely about getting to the airport on time to avoid acknowledging dissatisfaction with the holiday or relationship itself. Financial anxiety can mask confusion about emotional life, and sexual anxiety can stem from deeper issues of self-worth and childhood experiences.

Confronting the root cause. Asking what one would have to think about if not consumed by current anxieties can unlock insight into the real source of distress. While some anxieties are legitimate responses to external worries, many distract us from understanding important parts of ourselves, making us suffer for the wrong reasons.

7. Social Situations Are Inherently Stressful

We are not odd at all for finding parties hugely bizarre and, for the most part, horrifying.

Parties are unnatural. Social gatherings like parties are objectively strange and challenging, requiring us to navigate unpredictable interactions under scrutiny. Our evolutionary wiring is better suited to small, familiar groups, making it understandable to find large social events anxiety-inducing.

Questioning social norms. We can challenge the assumption that attending parties is essential or that sociability means cheerful small talk. True connection often requires vulnerability and sharing difficult emotions, which is rarely facilitated in typical party settings.

Redefining sociability. Genuine social connection might look different from conventional parties, requiring conditions where people feel safe to be sad, anxious, and honest. A truly sociable person might prefer intimate, sincere communion over superficial large gatherings, finding more value in deep connection with a few than broad exposure to many.

8. Panic Attacks Are Intense But Survivable

Though this seems like the oddest and most embarrassing thing ever to have unfolded, it happens all the time, even to good, decent people who are worthy of respect and will enjoy a lengthy and dignified old age.

Embrace the experience. During a panic attack, the intense fear feels unsurvivable, but it is a common, albeit terrifying, experience that does not signify imminent death or disgrace. Accepting the fear rather than fighting it, like letting a rip tide carry you, can help it subside.

Question underlying causes. Once calm returns, exploring potential roots like a baseline sense of unworthiness or a memory of past powerlessness can be helpful. Unconscious fears of success or being controlled might fuel panic in situations like public speaking or being confined.

Gain perspective and agency. Reminding oneself of adult agency and freedom, unlike the powerlessness of childhood trauma, can reduce the fear's hold. Adopting a deeply pessimistic view of one's importance in the cosmic scheme can also paradoxically reduce the pressure and intensity of the moment.

9. Cultivate Basic Trust to Navigate Uncertainty

Basic Trust means that even though we can never know for certain what will happen... we maintain a belief that things are going to be – more or less – OK.

Faith in survival. Basic Trust is a resilient belief in our ability to survive and endure, even without absolute guarantees about the future. It's a gut sense that despite rocky moments, we will broadly pull through.

Childhood origins. This trust is often a gift from a childhood spent with caregivers who modeled calm competence and benevolence in the face of difficulty. Their ability to handle spills, unexpected knocks, or emotional turmoil instilled a sense of dependability.

Adult acquisition. For those who didn't receive this gift early, Basic Trust can be built in adulthood through introspection, patience, and testing reality against distorted fears. It allows taking risks, facing new experiences without terror, and accepting that while the future is unknown, we can cope with what it delivers.

10. Embrace Simplicity to Calm an Overstimulated Mind

What registers as anxiety is typically no freakish phenomenon; it is the mind’s logical, enraged plea not to be continuously and exhaustingly overstimulated.

Adults need naps too. Just as babies become overwhelmed by too much stimulation and need rest, our adult anxiety is often a sign of an overstimulated mind protesting. We fail to recognize how much of our infant need for calm persists.

Reduce external demands. Simplifying life involves reducing commitments, limiting exposure to overwhelming media, and prioritizing sufficient sleep. Nietzsche's idea that not having two-thirds of the day to oneself makes one a slave highlights the psychological cost of constant activity.

Prioritize inner processing. Anxiety can be the mind's revenge for unthought thoughts; carving out time for reflection is crucial. Anticipatory thinking about upcoming challenges can also reduce their power to unnerve us, making lists and planning a dignified practice.

11. Use Stoicism and Detachment to Cope with Fear

If you wish to put off all worry, assume that what you fear may happen is certainly going to happen.

Confront the worst. Stoic philosophy, particularly Seneca's teachings, suggests facing fears by contemplating the worst possible outcomes in detail. By becoming familiar with the idea of ruin, disgrace, or loss, we drain these scenarios of their power to terrify and realize we could still cope.

Accept Fortune's caprice. Stoicism teaches that most things we value – reputation, wealth, even loved ones – are subject to the unpredictable whims of Fortune. True peace comes from focusing on what cannot be taken away, like our capacity for reason and perspective.

Practice detachment. Accessing a mood of detachment allows us to step outside our ego's immediate concerns and see life from a broader, less self-centered perspective. This reduces anxiety about our personal fate and allows appreciation for the wider world, accepting our smallness with gaiety rather than fear.

Last updated: May 9, 2025