Becoming Nicole

1. Transgender identity emerges early: Wyatt's journey to becoming Nicole

"Daddy, I hate my penis."

Early signs: From a young age, Wyatt (later Nicole) showed a strong preference for feminine clothing, toys, and activities. Despite being born male, Wyatt insisted on being a girl, leading to confusion and concern for parents Wayne and Kelly Maines. This internal conflict manifested in various ways:

• Preference for playing with dolls and dressing up in feminine clothing
• Identifying with female characters in stories and media
• Expressing distress about having male genitalia
• Requesting to be treated as a girl by family and peers

As Wyatt grew older, these feelings intensified, leading to the realization that he was transgender. The family began the process of supporting Wyatt's transition to Nicole, facing numerous challenges along the way.

2. Family dynamics shift: Wayne's struggle and Kelly's unwavering support

Wayne had been stirred to protect his daughter and stand up for her rights when other people said or wrote hateful things, but it still wasn't easy for him even to say the name "Nicole."

Parental reactions: Kelly and Wayne had vastly different initial responses to their child's transgender identity. Kelly quickly became Nicole's advocate, researching and fighting for her rights. Wayne, however, struggled to accept the situation:

• Kelly sought out medical professionals and support groups
• Wayne retreated, often avoiding confronting the issue directly
• Tension grew between the parents as they navigated this unfamiliar territory

Over time, Wayne's perspective evolved. He moved from denial and avoidance to becoming a vocal advocate for Nicole and transgender rights. This transformation was crucial for the family's unity and Nicole's well-being.

3. School becomes a battlefield: Navigating discrimination and bullying

"This is not acceptable," she told him.

Educational challenges: Nicole's school experience was fraught with discrimination and bullying, particularly regarding bathroom usage. Key issues included:

• Harassment from other students, especially in bathroom situations
• School administration's inconsistent and often discriminatory policies
• The family's decision to move to a new school district for a fresh start

The Maines family fought against these injustices, leading to legal battles and policy changes. Their experiences highlighted the need for comprehensive transgender student policies in schools across the country.

4. Medical interventions: Puberty blockers and hormone therapy

"I can make you as tall as you want to be and give you whatever kind of voice you want to have," Spack kidded with Wyatt during that first visit.

Medical support: Dr. Norman Spack, an endocrinologist specializing in transgender youth, played a crucial role in Nicole's transition. The medical interventions included:

• Puberty-blocking drugs to prevent male development
• Estrogen therapy to promote female physical characteristics
• Ongoing monitoring and adjustments to treatment

These medical interventions were vital in aligning Nicole's physical appearance with her gender identity, significantly improving her mental health and overall well-being.

5. Legal battles: Fighting for transgender rights in Maine

"You won!" Wayne, not sure who was on the other end of the line, was confused.

Legal milestones: The Maines family engaged in a years-long legal battle to secure Nicole's rights and set precedents for transgender individuals in Maine. Key aspects of their legal journey included:

• Filing a discrimination complaint with the Maine Human Rights Commission
• Pursuing a civil lawsuit against the Orono school district
• Appealing to the Maine Supreme Judicial Court

Their persistence led to a landmark victory in 2014, when the court ruled that denying a transgender student access to the bathroom consistent with their gender identity violated Maine's Human Rights Act. This decision had far-reaching implications for transgender rights in the state and beyond.

6. The impact of going stealth: Challenges of hiding one's identity

"It's not just about you. It's about the whole family, Nicole. If you tell someone and it all goes downhill, we'll all have to move again."

Living in secrecy: After moving to Portland, the family decided to keep Nicole's transgender identity a secret, a practice known as "going stealth." This decision had profound effects:

• Increased social isolation for Nicole and Jonas
• Constant fear of being "outed"
• Difficulty forming genuine friendships and romantic relationships

While going stealth provided temporary relief from discrimination, it also created new emotional challenges for the entire family, highlighting the complex trade-offs transgender individuals and their families often face.

7. Societal progress: Changing perceptions and policies on transgender issues

"Score one for Nicole and the Maine trans community."

Shifting landscape: The Maines family's journey paralleled and contributed to broader societal changes regarding transgender rights and acceptance. Notable developments included:

• Increased media representation of transgender individuals
• Policy changes in schools and workplaces to protect transgender rights
• Growing public awareness and understanding of transgender issues

Their story helped humanize the transgender experience for many, contributing to a gradual shift in public opinion and policy-making.

8. Siblings' bond: Jonas's journey alongside Nicole

"I never had a brother," he once said to Nicole. "You were always a sister to me."

Brotherly support: Jonas, Nicole's identical twin, played a unique role in her journey. His experiences included:

• Unwavering acceptance of Nicole's identity from an early age
• Protecting Nicole from bullies and discrimination
• Struggling with his own identity as "the other twin"

Jonas's story highlights the often-overlooked experiences of siblings of transgender individuals, showcasing both the challenges and the potential for deep familial bonds.

9. Media attention: The family's role in raising awareness

Nicole never flinched. For two days, along with her father, she walked around the statehouse, a thirteen-year-old kid, knocking on doors and stopping representatives in the hallways.

Public advocacy: As their story gained attention, the Maines family became reluctant but effective advocates for transgender rights:

• Participating in interviews and documentaries
• Speaking at conferences and to lawmakers
• Using their platform to educate the public about transgender issues

Their willingness to share their personal experiences helped put a human face on the abstract concept of transgender rights, influencing public opinion and policy.

10. Coming of age: Nicole and Jonas's high school experiences and graduation

They were identical twins, they were brother and sister, and they were, each of them, unmistakably their own person.

Milestone achievements: Nicole and Jonas's high school years marked a period of growth, self-discovery, and increasing normalcy:

• Attending prom and other typical high school events
• Excelling in academics and extracurricular activities
• Graduating from Waynflete, a prestigious private school

Their graduation symbolized not just academic achievement, but the culmination of a long journey of personal growth, family support, and societal change. It marked a new chapter for Nicole and Jonas as they prepared for college and adulthood, having overcome numerous challenges along the way.

Last updated: December 6, 2024