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Choosing to SEE

Choosing to SEE

by Mary Beth Chapman 2010 289 pages
4.29
15k+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Embracing Faith Amidst Unimaginable Loss

"I don't want to. I didn't want to on May 21st, and I still don't want to now. Yet somehow we did, and somehow we will continue to."

Tragedy strikes. On May 21, 2008, the Chapman family's world shattered when their youngest daughter, Maria, was accidentally hit by a car driven by her brother Will. The devastating loss tested their faith to its core, forcing them to confront the harsh realities of life and death.

Clinging to hope. In the midst of their grief, the Chapmans chose to cling to their faith, even when it seemed impossible. They wrestled with questions of God's sovereignty and goodness, ultimately deciding to trust Him despite their pain. This journey of faith became a testament to their belief that God can bring beauty from ashes.

A new perspective. Through their suffering, the Chapmans gained a new perspective on life, death, and eternity. They learned to cherish every moment, to love more deeply, and to live with an awareness of life's fragility. Their story became a powerful witness to others facing similar struggles, offering hope and comfort in the darkest of times.

2. The Power of Adoption and Unconditional Love

"When he handed Maria back to Amy, Steven felt like he was giving his own daughter back. The rush of feelings caught him completely off guard."

Love transforms. The Chapman family's journey into adoption began with their daughter Emily's persistent advocacy. Initially hesitant, Mary Beth experienced a profound transformation when she first held Shaohannah, their adopted daughter from China. This moment revealed the depth of God's unconditional love for His children.

Growing family. Inspired by their experience, the Chapmans went on to adopt two more daughters from China: Stevey Joy and Maria. Each adoption brought new challenges and joys, deepening their understanding of God's love and expanding their hearts in ways they never imagined.

  • Shaohannah: The first adoption that opened their eyes to God's love
  • Stevey Joy: A last-minute decision that led to a whirlwind adoption
  • Maria: The final piece that completed their family puzzle

Adoption's impact. The Chapmans' experience with adoption not only changed their family but also inspired countless others to consider adoption. It became a powerful metaphor for God's love and a driving force in their ministry to orphans worldwide.

3. Navigating Marriage Through Life's Storms

"We were all close friends, and family, and we were stuck in a grief that seemed like it would never change. Nothing would ever be the same, and we were all realizing it by how the evening was playing out."

Opposites attract. Mary Beth and Steven's marriage was a union of opposites: her need for order and control clashing with his spontaneous, creative nature. These differences, while challenging, ultimately strengthened their relationship as they learned to complement each other's strengths and weaknesses.

Weathering storms together. The Chapmans faced numerous trials throughout their marriage, including Mary Beth's struggles with depression, the pressures of Steven's music career, and the devastating loss of their daughter Maria. Each challenge tested their commitment but also deepened their love and reliance on each other and God.

Growing stronger. Through their trials, Mary Beth and Steven learned to:

  • Communicate more openly and honestly
  • Support each other's unique needs and coping styles
  • Rely on their faith as the foundation of their relationship
  • Find moments of joy and laughter even in dark times

Their journey became a testament to the power of love, faith, and perseverance in marriage.

4. Finding Purpose in Pain: The Birth of Show Hope

"We officially incorporated Shaohannah's Hope as a nonprofit 501(c)(3) organization in February 2003. God had given us a burden to inspire and educate believers about the plight of orphans and vulnerable children."

A vision born from love. The Chapmans' experience with adoption led them to recognize the financial barriers many families face when considering adoption. This realization sparked the creation of Shaohannah's Hope, later renamed Show Hope, an organization dedicated to helping Christian families overcome these obstacles.

Expanding impact. Show Hope's mission grew beyond financial assistance to include:

  • Orphan care initiatives
  • Education and advocacy for adoption
  • Support for adoptive families
  • Medical care for orphans with special needs

Maria's legacy. Following Maria's death, the Chapmans channeled their grief into furthering Show Hope's mission. This led to the creation of Maria's Big House of Hope, a medical care center in China for orphans with special needs, ensuring that Maria's short life would have a lasting impact on countless children.

5. The Journey of Grief: From Darkness to Light

"I've now read so many books on grief that I should have a degree, but you know what? There isn't any one way to do it. My story isn't yours and your story isn't mine."

Stages of grief. The Chapmans experienced the full spectrum of grief following Maria's death:

  • Shock and disbelief
  • Anger and questioning
  • Deep sadness and depression
  • Gradual acceptance and healing

Individual journeys. Each family member grieved differently, with Mary Beth emphasizing the importance of allowing each person to process their pain in their own way. They learned to support one another while respecting individual needs and timelines.

Finding hope. As they navigated their grief, the Chapmans discovered:

  • The healing power of sharing their story
  • The importance of professional counseling and support
  • The strength found in their faith and community
  • The unexpected moments of joy amidst sorrow

Their journey of grief became a testimony to the resilience of the human spirit and the sustaining power of faith.

6. Choosing to SEE: Discovering God's Presence in Tragedy

"SEE? Can you SEE? Everything is going to be all right. I am here with Jesus. I am fine. Heaven is real, the gospel is true, you just have to SEE!"

A profound revelation. The concept of "choosing to SEE" became a cornerstone of the Chapmans' journey through grief. It represented their decision to actively look for God's presence and purpose even in the darkest moments of their lives.

Discovering signs. The Chapmans found comfort in what they believed were divine signs of Maria's presence and God's love:

  • Maria's last drawing with the word "SEE"
  • Unexpected ladybug sightings
  • Meaningful coincidences and timely encouragements

A new perspective. Choosing to SEE transformed their outlook on life, helping them to:

  • Find gratitude in the midst of pain
  • Recognize God's work in seemingly hopeless situations
  • Use their experiences to comfort and inspire others
  • Live with an eternal perspective, knowing their time with Maria was not over

This mindset became not just a coping mechanism but a powerful testimony to their faith and a source of hope for others facing similar trials.

7. Legacy of Love: Maria's Big House of Hope

"Miracles happen every day. Some children live and receive life-giving medical care, and others are comforted as they live out their number of days this side of the veil."

A dream realized. Maria's Big House of Hope, a medical care facility for orphans with special needs in China, became the embodiment of the Chapmans' desire to create something beautiful from their tragedy. It stands as a testament to Maria's life and the impact one small life can have on the world.

Transforming lives. The facility provides:

  • Medical care for children with complex needs
  • A loving environment for children awaiting adoption
  • Hospice care for terminally ill children
  • Hope and healing for countless families

Continuing impact. Through Maria's Big House of Hope, the Chapmans found a way to channel their grief into positive action, ensuring that Maria's memory lives on through the lives of children helped by the facility. It became a powerful symbol of how love can transcend tragedy and create lasting change in the world.

Last updated:

Review Summary

4.29 out of 5
Average of 15k+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

Choosing to SEE is a deeply personal memoir by Mary Beth Chapman, detailing her family's journey through tragedy and faith. Readers appreciate Chapman's raw honesty about her struggles with depression, adoption, and the loss of her daughter. While some found the writing style conversational and repetitive, most were moved by the family's resilience and unwavering faith. The book offers a candid look at grief, questioning God, and ultimately choosing hope. Many readers found comfort and inspiration in Chapman's vulnerable storytelling and her family's commitment to their faith despite immense pain.

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About the Author

Mary Beth Chapman is the wife of renowned Christian musician Steven Curtis Chapman. Together, they have six children, including three daughters adopted from China. Mary Beth's life has been marked by both joy and profound tragedy, particularly the accidental death of their youngest daughter in 2008. Through her writing and public speaking, she shares her experiences with depression, adoption, and grief, always emphasizing her faith in God. The Chapmans are advocates for adoption and founded Show Hope, an organization supporting adoptive families. Mary Beth's honest and vulnerable approach to sharing her story has resonated with many readers and listeners.

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