Control Stress

1. Stress is a response to perception, not reality

"It is not the event, but rather our interpretation of it, that causes our emotional reaction."

Our brain doesn't differentiate between real and imagined threats. This means that even when we imagine a potential threat to our ego, we produce the same stress chemicals as if we were in physical danger. The problem arises when these chemicals, meant for fight-or-flight situations, accumulate in our system due to constant worry about things we can neither fight nor flee from.

To control stress, we need to change our perception and interpretation of events. As we learn to do this, the intensity and duration of our stress response will naturally decrease. This doesn't mean changing the world around us, but rather changing how we view it. By doing so, we can set about making external changes from a place of relaxed alertness, rather than stressed reactivity.

2. The heart-brain connection is key to controlling stress

"The human heart is not just a pump for blood—it is the physical control center that determines whether to trigger the sympathetic or parasympathetic nervous system—the stress response or natural relaxation."

The heart has its own nervous system, often referred to as the "heart-brain." This system is so sophisticated that it can learn, remember, and make decisions independently of the brain in our head. Every heartbeat sends information to the head-brain, influencing our perceptions, emotions, and awareness.

To activate natural relaxation, we can use a simple technique:

• Put your hand on your heart
• Focus your energy into this area
• Take at least three slow, gentle breaths into your heart
• Recall a time when you felt really good
• Ask your heart how you could take better care of yourself in this moment
• Listen to what your heart says and act on it

By shifting our attention from our head to our heart, we can relax our body, clear our mind, and trigger positive chemical changes associated with natural relaxation.

3. Natural relaxation cycles are essential for peak performance

"Life is not a marathon—it is a series of sprints."

Our bodies have natural cycles of rest and alertness, with a predominant cycle occurring approximately every 90 minutes. This is when the body stops externally oriented behavior and takes about 15 minutes to relax and replenish its energy. Unfortunately, many people override this natural rhythm with caffeine or by trying to push through, leading to chronic stress and burnout.

To harness these natural cycles:

• Pay attention to moments when your mind starts to wander and a feeling of relaxation begins to fill your body
• Allow yourself to relax deeply for 5-20 minutes at least twice a day
• Use these moments to practice relaxation techniques or listen to guided hypnosis
• After the break, you'll find yourself refreshed and with better concentration

By alternating between periods of intense activity and periods of rest, you can develop your strength and stamina, becoming more fully engaged with life.

4. Dissociation techniques can instantly reduce stress

"To increase the emotional intensity of a memory or imagined event, 'associate' into an image... To decrease the emotional intensity of a memory or imagined event, 'dissociate' from the imagery so that you can see it from the outside, as if it's happening to someone else 'over there.'"

Dissociation is a powerful tool for instantly reducing stress. It involves stepping outside of a stressful thought or memory, viewing it as if it's happening to someone else. This technique can provide immediate relief and a greater sense of control over your emotional state.

To practice dissociation:

1. Think of a mildly stressful situation or memory
2. Float out of yourself so you can see the back of your head
3. Pull back from that image and float it as far away from you as you can
4. Drain all color out of the image and make it black and white, faint and transparent

By mastering this technique, you can quickly reduce the emotional intensity of stressful thoughts or memories, giving you greater control over your stress response.

5. Reframing past traumas can heal emotional wounds

"Although she still knew that something bad had happened, she was no longer a victim of it."

Traumatic memories can be rewired without re-experiencing the pain. The key lies in changing how the memory is represented in our minds. By altering the images, sounds, and feelings associated with the memory, we can significantly reduce its emotional impact.

To reframe a traumatic memory:

1. Imagine watching a film of the memory from a comfortable theater
2. Float into the projection booth, seeing yourself in the theater
3. Watch the film from before the event to after you successfully came through it
4. Run the film backwards as fast as you can, multiple times
5. Repeat until the memory loses its emotional impact

This technique can be surprisingly effective in freeing people from recurring or persistent memories that cause distress.

6. Shifting from "Do-Have-Be" to "Be-Do-Have" cultivates inner peace

"Once you are able to simply be, doing and having will flow naturally from that place."

Many people structure their lives around doing as much as they can to have lots of things so they can be happy. However, this approach often leads to stress and a lack of fulfillment. The key is to reverse this order: focus on being at peace first, then doing what needs to be done, which naturally leads to having what you desire.

To make this shift:

• Create space in your life to just "be"
• Practice mindfulness and meditation
• Focus on cultivating inner peace and contentment
• Allow actions and acquisitions to flow naturally from this state of being

By prioritizing your inner state of being, you can achieve just as much (if not more) externally, but with a stronger foundation of peace and contentment.

7. Laughter and gratitude are powerful stress-busters

"Every time you laugh, you stimulate the release of chemicals in the brain that enhance your well-being."

Laughter and gratitude are two of the most powerful tools for reducing stress and increasing overall well-being. They not only provide immediate relief from stress but also create lasting changes in brain chemistry that promote happiness and resilience.

To harness the power of laughter and gratitude:

• Watch or listen to comedy regularly
• Practice laughing for no reason (as in Laughter Yoga)
• Keep a daily gratitude journal, listing at least five things you're grateful for
• Create an "endorphin button" by associating positive memories with a physical gesture
• Regularly recall times when you've laughed hard or felt intense joy

By consistently focusing on what brings you joy and what you're grateful for, you can rewire your brain to default to positive emotions, making it easier to handle stress when it does arise.

8. Prioritization and the 80/20 rule can dramatically reduce stress

"80 percent of your time is spent on 20 percent of your problems"

The 80/20 rule, also known as the Pareto Principle, suggests that 80% of our results come from 20% of our efforts. This principle can be applied to stress management to dramatically reduce overall stress levels.

To apply the 80/20 rule to stress reduction:

1. Identify the 20% of activities that bring 80% of your results
2. Determine the 20% of activities that cause 80% of your stress
3. Recognize the 20% of people who bring 80% of your happiness
4. Increase time spent on high-impact, low-stress activities
5. Reduce or eliminate low-impact, high-stress activities
6. Spend more time with people who bring you joy and less with those who drain your energy

By focusing on the vital few rather than the trivial many, you can significantly reduce your stress levels while maintaining or even improving your productivity and life satisfaction.

Last updated: November 20, 2024