Crazy for God

1. Growing up in a fundamentalist Christian bubble

I wanted to fit into the world. I still do. And yet the darkly weird moments of my childhood did not cancel out the light.

Isolated upbringing. Frank Schaeffer grew up in L'Abri, a Christian community in Switzerland founded by his parents, Francis and Edith Schaeffer. This unique environment exposed him to a wide range of intellectual and cultural experiences, but also isolated him from the mainstream world.

Conflicting influences. While his parents were fundamentalist Christians, they also valued art, culture, and intellectual discourse. This created a paradoxical upbringing where Frank was both sheltered from and exposed to the wider world:

• Exposure to diverse visitors, including artists, philosophers, and intellectuals
• Limited interaction with non-Christian perspectives
• Emphasis on biblical literalism and evangelical theology
• Appreciation for art, literature, and classical music

Struggle for normalcy. Frank's desire to fit in with the outside world was a constant theme throughout his childhood and adolescence, shaping his later struggles with faith and identity.

2. The paradox of L'Abri: Open-minded yet dogmatic

L'Abri was now on the radar screen of a whole generation of backpacking bohemian travelers, on their way to or from ashrams in India, London's trendy Carnaby Street, or San Francisco's Haight-Ashbury.

Intellectual haven. L'Abri attracted a diverse range of visitors, from hippies to intellectuals, creating an atmosphere of open discussion and cultural exchange. This environment fostered:

• Engagement with contemporary art, music, and philosophy
• Debates on faith, culture, and social issues
• Exploration of alternative lifestyles and ideas

Underlying dogmatism. Despite its apparent openness, L'Abri remained fundamentally rooted in evangelical Christianity. This created tensions between:

• Intellectual curiosity and biblical literalism
• Cultural engagement and moral conservatism
• Individual exploration and doctrinal conformity

Personal impact. Frank's exposure to this paradoxical environment shaped his later struggles with faith and identity, as he grappled with the contradictions between intellectual openness and religious dogmatism.

3. Struggling with faith and identity in boarding school

I was the only American at Great Walstead, an outsider who had never even lived in his own country. I had grown up in a Swiss mission, a place even less explicable to the other boys than America.

Cultural displacement. Frank's transition to boarding school in England highlighted his unique background and sense of otherness. He struggled to fit in with his peers, navigating:

• Cultural differences between Swiss, American, and English norms
• The contrast between his sheltered upbringing and the mainstream world
• Academic challenges due to his unconventional education

Identity formation. The boarding school experience forced Frank to confront his faith and identity in new ways:

• Questioning the beliefs he had grown up with
• Developing a sense of self apart from his family's reputation
• Balancing his religious upbringing with the desire to fit in

Personal growth. Despite the challenges, Frank found ways to adapt and excel, particularly in sports and extracurricular activities. This period laid the groundwork for his later struggles with faith and his search for personal authenticity.

4. The rise of the evangelical pro-life movement

Roe v. Wade has given us more than thirty years of culture war. The results have been tragic.

Catalyst for change. The Roe v. Wade decision in 1973 galvanized the evangelical community, transforming it from a largely apolitical group to a powerful political force. Frank and his father played a significant role in this transformation through:

• Creating influential films and books on abortion
• Mobilizing evangelicals to political action
• Forging alliances with conservative politicians

Unintended consequences. The politicization of the evangelical movement had far-reaching effects:

• Polarization of American politics along religious lines
• Rise of single-issue voting based on abortion
• Erosion of nuanced discourse on complex moral issues

Personal regret. Frank later came to regret his role in this movement, recognizing the oversimplification of complex issues and the unintended negative consequences of the culture wars he helped ignite.

5. From evangelical filmmaker to Hollywood director

I was so impressed with myself and so in love with the process and, above all, just so relieved to be out of the evangelical world!—I had finally gotten to direct a real movie!

Career transition. Frank's desire to escape the evangelical world led him to pursue a career in mainstream filmmaking. This shift represented:

• A break from his family's expectations and legacy
• An attempt to establish his own identity and career
• A way to engage with the broader cultural world

Challenges and disappointments. Frank's transition to Hollywood was marked by:

• Limited success in producing and directing feature films
• Financial struggles and creative compromises
• A growing sense of disillusionment with both the evangelical and Hollywood worlds

Identity crisis. The move to Hollywood forced Frank to confront his own values, ambitions, and sense of purpose, ultimately leading to a deeper crisis of faith and identity.

6. The disillusionment with the religious right

What I slowly realized was that the religious-right leaders we were helping to gain power were not "conservatives" at all, in the old sense of the word. They were anti-American religious revolutionaries.

Growing awareness. As Frank became more involved in the evangelical political movement, he began to recognize disturbing trends:

• The rise of extremist voices within the religious right
• The manipulation of faith for political gain
• The disconnect between Christian values and political actions

Ethical conflicts. Frank's experiences revealed the contradictions within the movement:

• Preaching compassion while supporting divisive policies
• Claiming moral high ground while engaging in unethical practices
• Using faith as a tool for political power rather than spiritual growth

Personal reckoning. This realization led Frank to question his own role in the movement and ultimately to distance himself from the religious right, setting the stage for a profound reassessment of his faith and values.

7. Reconciling faith, family, and personal convictions

I have sometimes wondered, when my parents "converted" people, if those people really accepted Christ, or if they had just fallen under the spell of my energetic and attractive parents.

Family legacy. Frank grappled with the complex legacy of his parents and their influence on evangelical Christianity:

• Admiration for their intellectual and cultural contributions
• Criticism of their role in politicizing faith
• Ambivalence about his own part in perpetuating their mission

Personal evolution. Over time, Frank developed a more nuanced view of faith and ethics:

• Rejecting absolutist positions on issues like abortion
• Embracing complexity and ambiguity in moral questions
• Seeking a more authentic and personal spirituality

Ongoing journey. Frank's story illustrates the lifelong process of reconciling:

• Family expectations and personal convictions
• Faith and skepticism
• Idealism and pragmatism in addressing social issues

His journey reflects the broader struggles many face in navigating the intersections of faith, politics, and personal identity in contemporary society.

Last updated: October 17, 2024