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Danger Music

Danger Music

How teaching the cello to children in Afghanistan led to a self-discovery almost too hard to bear
by Eddie Ayres 2017 296 pages
4.06
500+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Music as a beacon of hope in war-torn Afghanistan

"Dr Sarmast's plan was to have a totally Afghan staff after a few years and for the school to be completely sustainable."

Rebuilding through music. The Afghanistan National Institute of Music (ANIM) emerged as a symbol of hope and cultural revival in post-Taliban Kabul. Founded by Dr. Ahmad Naser Sarmast in 2010, the school aimed to resurrect Afghan music traditions while introducing Western classical music. ANIM provided a unique opportunity for street children, orphans, and girls to receive musical education, which was previously forbidden under Taliban rule.

Challenges and triumphs. Despite facing numerous obstacles, including security threats and cultural resistance, ANIM achieved remarkable successes:

  • Performed at prestigious venues like Carnegie Hall and the Kennedy Center
  • Formed the first all-female orchestra in Afghanistan's history
  • Attracted international support and media attention
  • Provided a platform for Afghan youth to express themselves through music

2. Cultural challenges and gender dynamics in Afghan society

"Laila Jan's grandmother lived in Quetta, just over the border in Pakistan from Kandahar, and home to hundreds of thousands of Hazara refugees. Her grandmother wanted her to marry, or maybe she wanted Laila to look after her because she was sick."

Societal expectations vs. personal aspirations. Afghan society, particularly for women, is fraught with cultural constraints that often conflict with individual dreams and ambitions. The story of Laila and other female students at ANIM illustrates the constant struggle between traditional expectations and the desire for education and self-expression.

Navigating cultural norms. Students and teachers at ANIM faced numerous challenges:

  • Balancing family obligations with educational pursuits
  • Overcoming societal prejudices against music and female performers
  • Dealing with the threat of forced marriages or early withdrawal from school
  • Maintaining personal safety while pursuing their passion for music

3. The impact of violence and instability on education and daily life

"I watched as she mouthed her counting in Dari and played her part: 'Yak, doo, say, yak, doo, say, yak, doo, say.' Sol rest rest, sol rest rest, re rest rest, re rest rest."

Resilience amidst chaos. The constant threat of violence and instability in Kabul profoundly affected the lives of students and teachers at ANIM. Despite the dangers, they showed remarkable resilience, continuing their musical education and performances.

Daily challenges. Life in Kabul presented numerous obstacles:

  • Frequent bomb attacks and security threats
  • Power outages and infrastructure problems
  • Limited access to basic resources and healthcare
  • Psychological trauma from years of conflict

Despite these challenges, students like Meena found solace and structure in their music, using it as a coping mechanism and a means of expression in a volatile environment.

4. Personal transformation amidst societal constraints

"I walked into Dr Bearman's office and took my first steps on my path to becoming the person I knew I was."

Journey of self-discovery. The author's personal journey of gender transition parallels the broader themes of transformation and self-realization in the book. While teaching at ANIM, the author grapples with gender dysphoria and ultimately decides to transition from female to male.

Challenges of transition. The process of transitioning in Afghanistan presented unique challenges:

  • Navigating cultural and religious norms in a conservative society
  • Balancing personal needs with professional responsibilities
  • Seeking medical care and support in a limited healthcare system
  • Maintaining privacy and safety in a potentially hostile environment

The author's experience highlights the complexities of personal identity and transformation in a society where such concepts are often misunderstood or rejected.

5. The complexity of running a music school in a conflict zone

"Dr Sarmast truly did not know what to do. If he punished the boys properly he would have to bring in the police. He would be able to sack Sameem more easily, but there was also the problem of Sheba and Hafizah."

Balancing act. Running ANIM required constant navigation of cultural, political, and security challenges. Dr. Sarmast faced numerous dilemmas in maintaining the school's integrity while ensuring its survival in a volatile environment.

Multifaceted challenges:

  • Ensuring student and staff safety amid security threats
  • Managing cultural sensitivities around music and gender mixing
  • Dealing with corruption and bureaucracy in the education system
  • Balancing international donor expectations with local realities
  • Handling internal conflicts and ethical dilemmas

The incident with Yalda exemplifies the complex decision-making required to protect individual students while safeguarding the school's reputation and future.

6. Resilience and determination of Afghan students

"Oman had to play a one-hour recital. He practised until his hands had open sores. He wrapped them in bandages and continued to practise."

Overcoming adversity. The students at ANIM demonstrated extraordinary resilience and dedication to their musical education, often in the face of significant personal and societal challenges.

Examples of student determination:

  • Practicing for hours despite limited resources and difficult living conditions
  • Continuing education despite family pressure to marry or work
  • Pursuing music despite cultural stigma and security risks
  • Balancing academic studies with intensive musical training
  • Recovering from personal traumas and setbacks to continue their education

Stories like Oman's showcase the unwavering commitment of these students to their art and education, despite the numerous obstacles they faced.

7. Ethical dilemmas and moral challenges in a conservative society

"Basically, for the people responsible for Yalda's suicide attempt to be properly punished, ANIM would face enormous scrutiny, possibly even closure. And ANIM was too big, too important, to fail."

Moral complexities. The incident involving Yalda's suicide attempt highlights the ethical dilemmas faced by ANIM's leadership in navigating conservative societal norms while trying to protect students and maintain the school's reputation.

Conflicting priorities:

  • Protecting individual students vs. preserving the school's reputation
  • Upholding justice vs. avoiding scrutiny that could jeopardize the school
  • Challenging societal norms vs. maintaining community support
  • Addressing gender-based violence vs. respecting cultural sensitivities

The handling of this situation reveals the complex moral landscape in which ANIM operated, where decisions often involved difficult trade-offs between individual justice and the greater good of the institution.

8. The power of music to transcend cultural boundaries

"The Afghan Youth Orchestra came on stage and played 'Russian Sailor's Dance' by Glinka, and Beethoven's 'Ode to Joy' with tabla introduction. Over forty young Afghans on stage, all playing precisely, joyfully together, with Cami our very own Gustavo Dudamel."

Universal language. Music served as a powerful tool for bridging cultural divides and fostering understanding between Afghan students and the international community.

Music's transformative power:

  • Blending Afghan and Western musical traditions
  • Providing a platform for cultural exchange and diplomacy
  • Offering emotional release and expression for students
  • Challenging societal norms and expectations
  • Creating a sense of unity and shared purpose among diverse students

The performances of the Afghan Youth Orchestra exemplify how music can transcend linguistic, cultural, and political barriers, creating moments of shared joy and understanding.

9. The struggle for women's rights and education in Afghanistan

"Laila was highly stressed, not only about her home life but also about the country at large. She was utterly passionate about Afghanistan and, while she wanted to go overseas to study, she was determined to return to her country and help rebuild it."

Empowerment through education. The stories of female students at ANIM highlight the ongoing struggle for women's rights and education in Afghanistan. Despite significant cultural and societal barriers, these young women showed remarkable determination to pursue their education and musical talents.

Challenges faced by female students:

  • Balancing family expectations with educational aspirations
  • Overcoming cultural stigma associated with female musicians
  • Navigating safety concerns and restrictions on movement
  • Dealing with the threat of early marriage or forced withdrawal from school
  • Striving for professional opportunities in a male-dominated society

Laila's story exemplifies the complex emotions many young Afghan women face: a deep love for their country coupled with a desire for education and personal freedom that often seems at odds with societal norms.

10. The lasting impact of war on individuals and communities

"I never quite worked out why this was so, but one theory I had was that, because of the enormous pressures all the students lived under, having to think about things like everyday survival, the fact of whether they came in a little bit early with their F-sharp crotchet was perhaps not top of the list of priorities."

Generational trauma. The ongoing conflict in Afghanistan has left deep scars on its people, affecting every aspect of daily life and shaping the experiences of even the youngest generation.

Long-term effects of war:

  • Psychological trauma and stress-related health issues
  • Disrupted education and limited economic opportunities
  • Fragmented families and communities
  • Normalization of violence and instability
  • Erosion of cultural heritage and traditions

The author's observation about students' difficulty in focusing on musical details reveals how the constant stress of living in a war-torn country affects cognitive processes and priorities. This underscores the profound and lasting impact of prolonged conflict on individuals and society as a whole.

Last updated:

Review Summary

4.06 out of 5
Average of 500+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

Danger Music is highly praised for its honest, raw portrayal of Eddie Ayres' experiences teaching music in war-torn Afghanistan while grappling with gender dysphoria. Readers appreciate the vivid depictions of life in Kabul, the power of music in difficult circumstances, and Ayres' personal journey of self-discovery. The book is described as moving, insightful, and well-written, offering a unique perspective on both Afghan culture and transgender issues. Many reviewers found it emotionally impactful and enlightening, commending Ayres' bravery in sharing his story.

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About the Author

Eddie Ayres is a musician and former radio presenter who transitioned from female to male. Born as Emma, he had a successful career in classical music, playing viola and cello, and hosting a popular morning show on ABC Classic FM in Australia. In 2014, struggling with depression and gender dysphoria, Ayres left his radio job to teach music at the Afghanistan National Institute of Music in Kabul. This experience, chronicled in "Danger Music," was transformative for Ayres, helping him confront his identity issues while working with Afghan orphans and street children. Upon returning to Australia, Ayres completed his transition to male, embracing his true self.

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