Don't Worry, It Gets Worse

1. Post-College Adulthood is a Messy, Unpredictable Struggle

Here’s a preview: becoming a living, breathing, job-having, bill-paying, responsible adult? Really fucking difficult.

The reality bites. Graduating college with a diploma and a margarita doesn't prepare you for the "shit storm" of actual adulthood. The transition involves navigating student loans, fading dreams, and the immense pressure to become a responsible, functioning human being, which is far harder than expected. It's a time of figuring things out, often while feeling like your life is being devoured by the internet and hoping your hair looks nice.

It's hard, but don't complain. Being in your twenties is challenging, but often in a way that makes you feel like you have no right to complain. While some peers might be exploring, dating, and getting parental support, others are struggling to stay afloat financially and emotionally. It feels like being on a nice boat, but stuck under a tarp, rocking back and forth and drooling, rather than enjoying champagne.

Shared awkwardness. Despite feeling uniquely lost, many twentysomethings are navigating similar choppy waters. The author shares her experiences hoping readers will relate, laugh, or feel pity, ultimately aiming for a sense of camaraderie. The journey involves grappling with panic, drinking wine from the bottle, and questioning if adulting is even possible while trying to figure out the future.

2. Big Dreams from Childhood Clash with Harsh Economic Reality

Nothing good can come from having lofty dreams as a kid.

Dream big, fail hard. The author argues that having insane ambitions as a child, often encouraged by supportive parents and pop culture, is the first step towards disappointment. Instead of sensible careers, she grew up thinking she could make money telling jokes and writing, a "straight shot to poverty." This contrasts with the practical need to pay off loans and find sustenance.

Generation "Yes You Can, I Guess". Those born between 1983-1990 were screwed by 80s pop culture that encouraged parents to be overly supportive of their kids' weird, alternative, or even "skanky" aspirations (like The Cosby Show, Pretty in Pink, Madonna, MTV). This led to a generation believing happiness and passion were enough, forgetting that "happiness doesn't buy shit."

Parental encouragement backfires. The author blames her parents for giving her too much self-esteem and believing her absurd childhood dreams (comedian, writer, Hallmark card girl, witch) were adorable. This lack of realistic guidance ("you might not be able to fly, but you're going to make excellent middle management someday") set her on a path where struggle and compromise seemed exciting, making her "done for."

3. Attempting "Classy" Adulthood Often Ends in Drunken Debauchery

This is a story of girl meets tequila.

Aspiring to maturity. Feeling the pressure to enter "Adult World," the author attempts to host a "classy, adult party" as a "coming-out ball" for her latent maturity. This contrasts sharply with her past college parties, which involved uninvited metalheads, drug use, sex in bathtubs, crying in closets, and property damage, serving as warnings to others.

Martha Stewart vs. Reality. The author envisions immaculate canapés and serving guests in smart heels, but her roommate brings her back to reality, questioning ice sculptures, real silverware, and fondue fountains. Despite attempts at ambience (lone candle, throw pillow, fake record player), the party quickly devolves once cheap tequila and shots are introduced, revealing the guests' true "childish monsters" selves.

Strip poker and regret. The party takes a Slip'N Slide into college debauchery with suggestions like beer pong and kings, culminating in a morose game of strip poker. Guests reluctantly remove clothes, fueled by dwindling alcohol and the fear of becoming sober. The night ends with naked laughter, a shared agreement to never speak of it, and the realization that while they might be adults, they still know how to "let loose" in the most undignified ways.

4. Moving Back Home is a Necessary, Awkward Step Towards Independence

When I called my mother to tell her I was moving home, it had been a long time coming.

The inevitable return. After college, the author's post-grad vision board of success and moving to Austin clashes with financial reality, leading to the "inevitable" move back to her suburban childhood home. This feels like a prison sentence, despite the luxurious accommodations like central air, a crumb-free couch, and a gloriously stocked fridge.

Suburban stereotypes hold true. The author finds that many stereotypes about suburbs are correct: lots of white people, nannies, stupid white-people problems (cell towers, Vagina Monologues controversy), excessive focus on college, malls, parents allowing drinking in basements, and Ritalin use. Despite this, she had an idyllic childhood there.

Arrested development. Living at home feels stagnant, surrounded by reminders of her childhood dreams and arrested development (old CDs, journals, framed degree over her old PC). She acts like a mean teenager, snapping at parents and complaining about the town, while secretly fearing she's not living her dreams and disappointing them. The move back, initially temporary, becomes a longer stay, forcing her to confront her inability to act like an adult and finally unpack.

5. Finding a Job After College is a Humbling, Often Thankless Grind

The reason was because I got a degree in pipe dreams and graduated into a festering hell pit of a terrible economy, but you know.

Unemployment blues. Facing months of joblessness after graduating with a liberal arts degree, the author finds the freedom of an open schedule quickly loses its luster. She spends time eating, organizing clothes, cutting her hair, and watching trashy morning TV, which ironically becomes her main motivation to find work.

Marketable skills deficit. Her degree in "Writing" leaves her with limited marketable skills beyond talking about queer theory and dressing like an Olsen twin. Her resume is poorly formatted and self-deprecating, reflecting her lack of traditional qualifications and networking skills, which she compares to a "rabid pit bull let loose in a nursery school."

Freelance reality. After failing at secretarial work (hating phones, filing, and looking like an anime character with dyed hair), she enters the world of freelance writing. This is a "giving up without really giving up" job, offering no benefits or security, where she writes lists about pop culture for low pay and receives hateful comments. Despite the challenges and her poor administrative skills (forgetting invoices, not paying taxes), she realizes she wants to be paid to write, finding a "fire under her ass" to work towards this goal, 750 words at a time.

6. Managing Money in Your Twenties Requires Constant Effort and Sacrifice

I’m not good at saving money, probably because I don’t have a lot of it.

Budgeting despair. The author attempts to create a budget, revealing her significant monthly expenses on rent, bills, toiletries (often inflated by impulse buys), laundry service (avoiding doing it herself), food (prioritizing snacks and eating out), credit cards, and loans. Drinking and clothing purchases are also major drains, leading to a depressing total she's afraid to calculate.

Foolproof saving tips (mostly not). She offers satirical tips for saving money, including avoiding air conditioning, going on dates for free meals (which never happens), skipping the doctor, finding shows online instead of paying for cable, talking about Twitter until people stop inviting her out, and using old razors. Other suggestions involve eating weird food combinations at home, biting nails instead of getting manicures, guilting parents or friends into buying things, and drinking alone.

The struggle is real. Ultimately, her saving tips are mostly self-deprecating jokes highlighting the difficulty of managing finances with limited income and impulsive spending habits. The reality is that significant money is years away, and the little she has is quickly spent. The path to fiscal responsibility is challenging, often leading back to getting another credit card, a temporary fix until the next month.

7. Romantic Expectations Often Lead to Self-Destructive Dating Patterns

For as long as I’ve been dating, I’ve been attracted to assholes, and my brother knows it.

The single one. The author embraces the role of "the single one," offering advice to friends in relationships despite her own lack of successful dating experience. She avoids traditional dating, preferring "hanging out" and month-long flings with emotionally unavailable men, leading to a hardened heart and difficulty relating to peers' relationship talk.

The Shawn Hunter phenomenon. She blames her attraction to "assholes" on the "Shawn Hunter phenomenon" from Boy Meets World, creating an ideal of the cool, rebellious bad boy. This led her to consistently date men who were awful, indifferent, or had girlfriends, becoming immune to bad behavior and expecting the least from men. Her first post-college romance with "Trevor" exemplifies this pattern of indifference and eventual disappearance.

Fear of real love. Her brother points out her pattern of dating men who are "bold, capitalized, underlined wrong" for her, suggesting she's gotten used to it. The author realizes her biggest fear is not getting hurt by bad boys, but by someone she actually trusts and cares about – real love. She believes dealing with difficult men is paying her dues for an eventual huge payoff, but online dating reveals this pattern isn't working. She concludes she needs a "fuckin' good guy," a "wiseass" who is cool and kind, and that admitting her desire for something real is an invitation, not a weakness.

8. Navigating Anxiety and Fear of the Future is a Common Twentysomething Experience

It was the first time I ever felt like I was dying.

Panic of the unknown. Despite always being able to pinpoint her fears (sharks, killer bees, clowns), the author experiences her first panic attack at 23, feeling like she's dying without a clear cause. This leads to frequent nighttime attacks, making her feel dramatic but also deeply unhappy and scared of her own body's revolt.

Stress displacement? Bullshit. WebMD suggests panic attacks come from displacing stress, but the author argues she's always aware of her daily anxieties (deli orders, bumping into people, mushrooms in food, future husband's YouTube comments). The real issue is the overwhelming stress of her life as a whole – the daunting climb of making enough money, keeping a job, starting a career, and progressing over the next few years.

Seeking remedies. Her friends, well-versed in twentysomething panic, offer remedies. Drinking before bed leads to crying, smoking, ex-stalking, and dreams of burning planes. Yoga, despite attempts at clearing her mind, does nothing. Ignoring the panic and shopping is ineffective. Xanax provides temporary relief but doesn't solve the underlying fear of her life's uncertainty. She realizes the fear isn't the "shark" but the "swim" – the ocean of bills, happiness, and lack of a lifeboat, which is a real thing she must deal with to move forward.

9. Retail Work Teaches Resilience and the Value of Pushing Through Bullshit

I am one of the few, the thankless, the retail workers.

A long-term relationship. The author's longest relationship is with working in the service industry, starting at 16 in a coffee shop. Initially, it felt important and cool, providing independence and cash. In college, it became a tiring necessity to stay afloat, balancing work and studies, often walking a tightrope of failing or getting fired.

Getting stuck. Despite the challenges, retail jobs offer a sense of security (benefits, steady pay) that can make it easy to get stuck, especially in a tough job market. The annoyance can morph into numbness, then acceptance ("This isn't too bad"). After leaving her coffee job, the author finds herself needing money again and returns to retail at a clothing store, a "dull silver lining" that pains her pride but is necessary for survival.

Pushing through. Working retail again, she feels the gnawing voice reminding her it's temporary but necessary. She learns to push through the bullshit – bad hours, low pay, rude customers, physical pain – by pretending to enjoy it, smiling, being quick, and showing enthusiasm. After years in the industry, she accepts doing something she doesn't necessarily want to do to make money, seeing it as building character and resilience, learning to stay on her own two feet and become something like an adult.

10. Self-Acceptance, Like Enjoying a Sandwich, Comes Slowly But is Worth It

Eating food—good food, like this sandwich—is fucking worth it.

Body image struggles. The author recounts a lifelong struggle with body image, stemming from being a "chubby kid" bullied in middle school. This led to internalizing self-hatred and engaging in "EXTREME BEHAVIORS" like restricting calories, excessive running, and eating only rice cakes and yogurt to become skinny, driven by the fear of being "the fat girl."

Feminism vs. personal insecurity. Despite becoming a feminist in college and advocating for women to embrace their bodies, she still viewed her own body, particularly her hips and thighs, as "pretty gross." She fought her body, avoided mirrors, and believed enjoying food made her aligned with the devil, constantly comparing herself to impossibly thin models.

The grilled cheese revelation. A moment of pure happiness while eating a delicious, gooey grilled cheese sandwich with a friend shifts her perspective. She realizes that enjoying food is "fucking worth it" and brings immense pleasure, a feeling better than being thin or getting hit on. This doesn't instantly cure her body image issues, but it marks a significant step towards accepting her body as it is, acknowledging her love for eating, and realizing that happiness and health are more important than being "stick-fucking-thin."

11. True Growth Happens When You Stop Fighting and Start Living

You will feel more alive now than ever before, this I promise you.

Beyond the graduation stage. The author, reflecting on her post-college years, offers advice to new graduates. She acknowledges the initial boredom and hangover of graduation day but urges them to hold onto the surge of hope and excitement for the future, as frustration, loan bills, job struggles, and financial woes are coming.

Be your own safety net. College made them wiser, but real life will make them tougher. They must embrace what makes them stronger and become their own safety net, constantly pushing themselves to "do better" and avoid becoming stagnant, which is the worst thing they can do. This requires becoming a "mental athlete" and working harder than ever before, fueled by the fear of uncertainty.

Embrace the messiness. Despite the fear and challenges, the post-college years are described as the "best, most alive" time. They will find true friends, experience love, success, failure, loss, and growth. Life will flash by, but they will experience true nostalgia and realize that growing apart from some people is just growing up. The author encourages graduates to stop being bored, wake up, step out, and make a contribution to the world, leaving their mark instead of just existing.

Last updated: May 3, 2025