Get Inside Her

1. Women are attracted to confidence and character, not just looks or money.

What we want is a man who is grounded, comfortable in his own skin and can be strong.

Character over appearance. While looks might initially catch a woman's eye, they are quickly overshadowed by a man's character and how he makes her feel. Women evaluate men on multiple levels, and confidence, self-respect, and a strong presence are far more attractive than superficial traits. The story of the short, bald man who captivated Marni illustrates this perfectly – his confidence and intriguing character made his physical appearance irrelevant.

Feeling is key. Unlike men who often prioritize visual cues, women make decisions based on feelings. A man's "energy" or character can instantly light up a woman's primal attraction circuitry. This means:

• Looks can "morph" based on character.
• Confidence makes a woman feel safe and secure.
• Self-assuredness signals value beyond the physical.

Value yourself first. A man who understands his own value doesn't need external validation. This self-assurance is palpable and highly attractive to women. Focus on building your internal strength and comfort, and women will naturally be drawn to you.

2. Stop being a "Nice Guy" (wimp); be a confident, assertive man.

What they do not want is a man who is a wimp.

Nice vs. Wimpy. There's a critical difference between being a genuinely nice man and being a wimp. Women desire a man who treats them well but also possesses a backbone, self-respect, and the ability to lead. The "Bad Boy" myth persists because those men often display initial confidence and fearlessness in approaching, even if their true colors are undesirable later.

Bad boys approach. The reason you see "jerks" with attractive women is often simply because they are the ones taking action. They approach without fear of rejection and display confidence, independence, and leadership initially. Women are attracted to these traits, not the eventual poor treatment.

Be nice, but strong. Women want a man who is kind and respectful but also respects himself enough to hold boundaries and lead. They don't want a doormat. Be the nice guy who is confident, assertive, and knows what he wants, and you'll be far more attractive than the wimp who puts women on a pedestal.

3. Approach women directly and often; don't overthink or assume rejection.

Unless you go and say, "Hi," you will never know!

Opportunity is everywhere. Women are everywhere – the mall, the gym, social clubs, grocery stores, online. The biggest barrier to meeting them isn't location; it's your mindset and willingness to approach. Stop making excuses about not knowing where to find women and start taking action.

Challenge assumptions. Many men talk themselves out of approaching based on unfounded assumptions:

• "She's not my type."
• "She won't be into me."
• "She probably has a boyfriend."
• "She doesn't want to be bothered."

These are fears disguised as justifications. Approach every woman who sparks your interest and gather facts before deciding if she's right for you.

Practice makes perfect. Successful men aren't born "naturals"; they develop their skills through practice and persistence. Dedicate time each day or week to approaching and interacting with women, even if it's just a brief "Hi." This builds confidence and reduces approach anxiety over time.

4. Connect emotionally with women; don't just interview or use lines.

Women do not give a shit about the words that come out of your mouth.

Feelings over facts. For women, attraction is driven by emotion and how a man makes them feel, not just the logical content of the conversation. Using canned lines or sticking to "interview mode" prevents genuine connection and makes you forgettable. Women react to your underlying energy and confidence, not just your script.

Be present and share. Get out of your head and focus on being present in the conversation. Listen, engage, and share your own thoughts and feelings. Don't just fire questions. Use the "magic word" because to inject emotion and detail into your stories, painting a picture of your world.

Avoid interview mode. Asking too many questions in a row without sharing about yourself feels like an interrogation. It puts pressure on her and doesn't give her anything to connect with you on. Share your opinions, your experiences, and let her see the real you.

5. Be decisive and lead, especially when asking her out and on dates.

As the man, always lead.

Decisiveness is sexy. Women find men who can make decisions easily and lead the interaction incredibly attractive. This applies to everything from choosing a date location to navigating a conversation. Indecisiveness signals weakness and makes a woman feel like she has to take on the masculine role.

Ask directly. The most attractive way to ask a woman out is directly and confidently. Avoid vague phrases like "maybe sometime we could hang out." State what you want – "I want to take you out for coffee on Wednesday." This shows self-respect and clarity of intention.

Lead the date. Plan the first few dates and take charge. This doesn't mean elaborate, expensive outings, but having a clear idea of what you want to do. Leading allows her to relax into her feminine energy and feel taken care of. Remember the date is about seeing if you like her too, so choose activities you enjoy.

6. Avoid the Friend Zone by stating your intentions and taking action.

My belief system actually is that the only person who puts you in the Friend Zone is you.

Self-inflicted Friend Zone. Women don't actively "put" men in the Friend Zone; men often place themselves there by not clearly expressing romantic or sexual interest and acting solely as a friend. If you want more than friendship, you must communicate that through your words and actions.

Signs you're heading there:

• She talks about her ex or current boyfriend.
• She calls late at night just to talk or cry.
• You cuddle but nothing physical happens repeatedly.
• You become her confidante or "girlfriend."

Take assertive action. To avoid or escape the Friend Zone, you must change the dynamic. Verbally express your desire for more than friendship. If she says she only wants friendship, you must respect yourself enough to create distance or change the terms of interaction. Don't fall back into friendly patterns if you want something more.

7. Understand female "tests" and "flaking" are often rooted in insecurity or discomfort.

When a woman is a flake it is a reflection of her as a person, not you.

Flaking isn't personal. When a woman cancels last minute or gives you a fake number, it's usually not a malicious act aimed at hurting you. It's often a selfish, immature way to avoid discomfort or confrontation. It's easier for her to flake than to say "no" directly.

"Nothing" means something else. When a woman says "nothing is wrong," it's rarely true. It often stems from internal discomfort, anxiety, or a feeling that you "should know." It's not a test, but a sign she needs support or space to process her emotions.

Handle with strength and calm. Reacting with anger or defensiveness to flaking or "tests" confirms her potential negative assumptions. Instead, remain calm, understand her behavior is likely about her own issues, and maintain your self-respect. You can express disappointment maturely, but don't let her behavior dictate your worth.

8. Prioritize your physical and mental well-being; it boosts attraction.

Boosting your BPM will also mean a boost to your self-esteem and give you the confidence to say, "Hi."

Fitness impacts dating. Being physically unfit or neglecting your health can negatively affect your dating life. It impacts your energy levels for dates, limits date activity options, can cause self-consciousness, and even affect your libido. Taking care of your body is a form of self-respect.

Confidence from self-care. Improving your physical fitness directly boosts your self-esteem and confidence. This increased confidence makes you more attractive when approaching women and more comfortable during dates and intimate moments.

Present your best self. Dating is about presenting your best self. This includes physical appearance, but more importantly, the confidence and energy that come from feeling good about yourself. Don't limit your dating pool or confidence by neglecting your well-being.

9. Make women feel seen, heard, and understood by showing genuine appreciation.

Because being appreciated makes a woman, feel seen, heard, and understood.

The magic words. The three most powerful words you can say to a woman are "I appreciate you." This goes beyond superficial compliments about her looks. It acknowledges her character, her unique qualities, and makes her feel valued for who she is.

Why it works. When you genuinely appreciate a woman, especially for something non-physical, she feels seen and understood on a deeper level. This creates an emotional connection that can be incredibly addictive and makes her want to spend more time with you.

Express it genuinely. Appreciation must be sincere. Avoid using it as a tactic to "get something." Examples include appreciating her unique way of doing something, her strength, her perspective, or even small caring gestures she makes. This builds a strong emotional foundation.

10. Honesty, reliability, and integrity are crucial for lasting attraction.

Being an honest, loyal man with integrity will not only turn women on; it will keep them coming back over and repeatedly.

Foundation of attraction. While initial attraction might be sparked by confidence and charisma, long-term attraction and a successful relationship are built on trust, honesty, and reliability. Women are subconsciously evaluating if you are a man they can count on.

Actions speak louder. Your actions must align with your words. If you say you want a relationship but act like you only want friendship, or if you flake on plans, you demonstrate a lack of integrity. This erodes trust and kills attraction.

Be true to yourself. A man of integrity is true to himself and his values. This self-respect is highly attractive. Don't compromise your honesty or reliability to try and impress a woman; it will backfire.

11. Don't be afraid to walk away if she's not right for you or not interested.

If you want something more from me and I only want a friendship, then that's a relationship that doesn't work, whether it's a friendship relationship or a relationship, we both want separate things.

Know your worth. If a woman is consistently flaking, disrespecting your time, or making it clear she only wants friendship when you desire more, you must be willing to walk away. Staying in a situation that doesn't meet your needs is unfair to both of you and erodes your self-respect.

It's okay to separate. Ending a dynamic that isn't working doesn't make you a jerk. It makes you a man who knows what he wants and respects himself enough to pursue it elsewhere. Communicate your decision calmly and honestly, without anger or blame.

Create space for better. By letting go of situations that aren't serving you, you create space for new opportunities with women who are genuinely interested and aligned with your goals. Don't cling to potential that isn't materializing.

12. Women want to feel desired and feminine, not dominated or pounced on.

Women want to feel feminine not masculine.

Feminine energy. Women are attracted to masculine energy because it allows them to relax into their feminine energy. This doesn't mean being aggressive or dominant, but being confident, leading, and making her feel safe and desired.

Desired, not owned. Women want to feel wanted and special, like you are choosing them from many options. This is different from feeling owned or like you are pouncing on them out of desperation. Pouncing comes from insecurity and neediness, which are major turn-offs.

Subtle seduction. Sexual tension for women is often built through anticipation and emotional connection, not just physical moves. Subtle cues, confident eye contact, and making her feel special are more effective than cheesy lines or rushing physical escalation. Lead the interaction, make her feel desired, and allow her to feel feminine in your presence.

Last updated: May 19, 2025