Getting Past Your Past

1. Unprocessed memories shape our emotions, behaviors, and beliefs

"The truth is we all suffer at one time or another. Situations arise all the time that affect us negatively. But when we continue to have pain long after the experience itself has passed, it is because the hardwiring of our brains influences our minds."

Stored experiences influence us. Our brains store memories of past experiences, both positive and negative, which shape our perceptions, attitudes, and behaviors. These memory networks link similar events, creating automatic responses to stimuli in our environment.

Unprocessed memories cause problems. When traumatic or disturbing experiences overwhelm our brain's natural processing system, they become "stuck" in their original form, complete with the emotions, physical sensations, and beliefs present at the time. These unprocessed memories can be triggered by current situations, causing us to react based on past experiences rather than present reality.

Effects on daily life:

• Anxiety, depression, and phobias
• Relationship difficulties
• Low self-esteem and negative self-talk
• Difficulty coping with stress
• Unexplained physical symptoms

2. EMDR therapy enables healing by reprocessing traumatic memories

"EMDR contains many procedures and elements that contribute to treatment effects. While the methodology used in EMDR has been extensively validated (see above), questions still remain regarding mechanism of action."

EMDR basics. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy approach developed by Francine Shapiro. It uses bilateral stimulation (usually eye movements) while focusing on traumatic memories to help the brain reprocess and integrate these experiences.

How EMDR works:

1. Identify target memories
2. Focus on memory while engaging in bilateral stimulation
3. Allow spontaneous associations and insights to emerge
4. Process until the memory no longer causes distress
5. Install positive beliefs and future templates

Research-backed effectiveness. EMDR has been extensively studied and is recognized as an effective treatment for PTSD and other trauma-related disorders by organizations such as the American Psychiatric Association and the World Health Organization.

3. Self-awareness and control techniques can manage emotional triggers

"We can learn to take more control of our own bodies and minds. That can allow us to make a difference in how we see the world. It can also help change the reactions that may draw us to the types of situations that cause us stress or that make it worse."

Recognize triggers. Becoming aware of situations, people, or stimuli that consistently evoke negative emotional responses is the first step in managing them. Keep a journal or use the TICES (Trigger, Image, Cognition, Emotion, Sensation) Log to track these patterns.

Self-control techniques:

• Safe/Calm Place visualization
• Breathing Shift technique
• Butterfly Hug (bilateral stimulation)
• Spiral technique for anxiety
• Lightstream technique for physical sensations

Practice and preparation. Regularly practicing these techniques when you're not in distress strengthens their effectiveness. Prepare for challenging situations by using visualization and positive self-talk to reinforce adaptive responses.

4. Childhood experiences and attachment styles influence adult relationships

"Basically, the reasons for their actions are the same as everyone else's—automatic knee-jerk responses caused by unconscious processes."

Early attachment shapes adult bonds. The quality of our early relationships with caregivers creates internal working models for future relationships. Secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment styles in childhood often persist into adulthood, influencing our ability to form and maintain healthy connections.

Relationship patterns:

• Secure: Comfortable with intimacy and independence
• Anxious: Fear abandonment, seek constant reassurance
• Avoidant: Uncomfortable with closeness, value self-reliance
• Disorganized: Conflicting desires for closeness and distance

Breaking the cycle. Recognizing unhealthy patterns stemming from childhood experiences is the first step in changing them. Therapy, particularly EMDR, can help reprocess early memories and create new, healthier relationship templates.

5. Addiction, violence, and destructive behaviors often stem from past trauma

"Pain that has not been tended to can make you cruel, judgmental and abusive toward yourself and maybe toward others."

Trauma's far-reaching effects. Unresolved traumatic experiences can lead to a wide range of destructive behaviors as individuals attempt to cope with overwhelming emotions and beliefs. These may include substance abuse, domestic violence, criminal activity, and self-harm.

Common underlying factors:

• Feelings of worthlessness or shame
• Difficulty regulating emotions
• Distorted beliefs about self and others
• Hypervigilance and mistrust
• Inability to form healthy attachments

Healing is possible. By addressing the root causes of destructive behaviors through trauma-focused therapies like EMDR, individuals can break free from negative patterns and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

6. Physical symptoms may have psychological roots in unprocessed memories

"Many kinds of unexplained body pains, including headaches, can also be the result of unprocessed memories."

Mind-body connection. Unprocessed traumatic memories can manifest as physical symptoms, a phenomenon known as somatization. These symptoms are real and can be debilitating, even though their origin is psychological rather than purely physical.

Examples of psychosomatic symptoms:

• Chronic pain
• Gastrointestinal issues
• Headaches and migraines
• Fatigue
• Sexual dysfunction

Holistic approach to treatment. Addressing both the physical and psychological aspects of these symptoms is crucial for effective treatment. EMDR and other trauma-focused therapies can help resolve the underlying emotional issues, often leading to a reduction or elimination of physical symptoms.

7. Spiritual growth and inner peace can be achieved by resolving past issues

"Once these barriers are removed, we are free to explore ways to deepen our spiritual connections through the practices that most resonate for us."

Emotional baggage hinders spiritual growth. Unresolved traumas, negative beliefs, and unprocessed emotions can create barriers to spiritual development and inner peace. These issues may manifest as difficulty meditating, connecting with others, or feeling a sense of purpose.

Steps to spiritual freedom:

1. Identify and process traumatic memories
2. Challenge and reframe negative beliefs
3. Develop self-compassion and forgiveness
4. Practice mindfulness and presence
5. Explore spiritual practices that resonate

Integration of healing modalities. Combining trauma-focused therapies like EMDR with spiritual practices can lead to profound personal growth and a deeper sense of connection to oneself, others, and the world.

8. Understanding others' trauma fosters compassion and connection

"Ultimately, we have the freedom to choose. We are all like Kate, possibly singing someone else's song. The prejudice she'd experienced in her life separated her and made her just as judgmental about a person from another race as the ones that had been hurtful to her."

Shared human experience. Recognizing that everyone carries their own unprocessed memories and traumas can lead to greater empathy and understanding in our interactions with others. This awareness helps us respond with compassion rather than judgment.

Breaking cycles of hurt:

• Acknowledge your own biases and triggers
• Practice active listening and validation
• Seek to understand others' perspectives
• Cultivate curiosity about different experiences
• Engage in open, honest dialogue about difficult topics

Collective healing. By addressing our own traumas and supporting others in their healing journeys, we contribute to a more compassionate and connected world. This ripple effect can lead to positive changes in families, communities, and societies.

Last updated: January 24, 2025