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Happier at Home

Happier at Home

Kiss More, Jump More, Abandon a Project, Read Samuel Johnson, and My Other Experiments in the Practice of Everyday Life
by Gretchen Rubin 2012 288 pages
3.54
19k+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Home is where happiness begins: Creating a nurturing environment

"To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition, the end to which every enterprise and labour tends."

Home as a foundation for happiness. Our living space profoundly impacts our well-being, serving as both a physical sanctuary and an emotional anchor. It's where we cultivate relationships, pursue personal growth, and find solace from the outside world. Creating a nurturing home environment involves more than just decorating; it's about infusing your space with elements that reflect your values, interests, and aspirations.

Practical steps to enhance your home:

  • Declutter regularly to create a sense of order and calm
  • Incorporate meaningful objects and photos that evoke positive memories
  • Create designated spaces for activities you enjoy, like reading or crafting
  • Establish routines and rituals that make your home feel special
  • Foster a welcoming atmosphere for family and friends

2. Embrace good smells to enhance daily experiences

"Few pleasures, I reflected, had the simplicity of a lovely scent."

The power of scent. Our sense of smell is intimately linked to emotions and memories, making it a powerful tool for enhancing our daily experiences. By consciously incorporating pleasant scents into our environment, we can boost our mood, reduce stress, and create positive associations with our surroundings.

Ways to harness the power of scent:

  • Use essential oils or diffusers to create a signature home fragrance
  • Burn scented candles during relaxation time
  • Keep fresh flowers or herbs in your living spaces
  • Use naturally scented cleaning products
  • Take time to appreciate everyday scents, like fresh laundry or brewing coffee

3. Practice nonrandom acts of kindness to spread happiness

"One of the best ways to make myself happy is to make other people happy."

Intentional kindness. While random acts of kindness are valuable, nonrandom acts can have a more significant impact on both the giver and recipient. By deliberately choosing to perform kind acts for specific people in our lives, we strengthen relationships, build community, and create a ripple effect of positivity.

Ideas for nonrandom acts of kindness:

  • Offer specific help to a friend or neighbor in need
  • Write personalized thank-you notes
  • Remember and acknowledge important dates in others' lives
  • Share your skills or expertise to help someone learn or grow
  • Make introductions that could benefit others personally or professionally

4. Find your own "Calcutta" to make a meaningful difference

"Find your own Calcutta."

Discovering your calling. Mother Teresa's advice to "Find your own Calcutta" encourages us to identify causes that deeply resonate with us and where our unique skills and experiences can make a significant impact. This approach to service not only benefits others but also provides a sense of purpose and fulfillment in our own lives.

Steps to find your "Calcutta":

  • Reflect on issues that stir your emotions or passion
  • Assess your skills, knowledge, and resources
  • Research local organizations or causes that align with your interests
  • Start small by volunteering or supporting existing initiatives
  • Be open to unexpected opportunities to make a difference

5. Cultivate gratitude through threshold rituals and holiday celebrations

"How happy I am, how grateful I am, to be home."

Mindful appreciation. Developing a practice of gratitude can significantly boost happiness and life satisfaction. By creating rituals around entering your home and celebrating holidays, you can regularly remind yourself of the good things in your life and cultivate a more positive outlook.

Gratitude-enhancing practices:

  • Establish a threshold ritual, like taking a deep breath and expressing thanks before entering your home
  • Create special holiday breakfasts or decorations to mark occasions
  • Keep a gratitude journal, noting three things you're thankful for each day
  • Share appreciation with family members during meals or before bed
  • Take photos of everyday moments to revisit and appreciate later

6. Strengthen family bonds through collaboration and shared experiences

"I was thrilled. A way to collaborate with Elizabeth!"

Family teamwork. Working together on projects or sharing new experiences can deepen family relationships and create lasting memories. These collaborations provide opportunities for learning, growth, and mutual understanding, while also fostering a sense of shared accomplishment.

Ideas for family collaboration:

  • Start a creative project, like writing a story or making a film
  • Plan and execute a family vacation together
  • Volunteer for a cause as a family unit
  • Learn a new skill or hobby together
  • Create family traditions or rituals unique to your household

7. Create secret places to add wonder and magic to everyday life

"I wanted to create a secret place."

Cultivating mystery. Incorporating hidden or unexpected elements in your home can spark joy, creativity, and a sense of wonder in both children and adults. These secret places serve as reminders of the magic that exists in everyday life and can become cherished features of your living space.

Ways to create secret places:

  • Install a hidden compartment or door in a bookshelf or cabinet
  • Create a reading nook in an unexpected corner
  • Design a miniature garden or scene in an unused space
  • Hide inspirational messages or small treasures around your home
  • Transform a closet or under-stair space into a cozy retreat

8. Be a tourist in your own city to rediscover its beauty

"Being a tourist is a state of mind."

Fresh perspective. By adopting a tourist's mindset in your own city, you can rediscover the beauty and excitement of your surroundings. This approach helps combat familiarity fatigue and reignites appreciation for your local environment, leading to increased happiness and engagement with your community.

Strategies for being a local tourist:

  • Take guided tours or walks in different neighborhoods
  • Visit local museums, galleries, or historical sites
  • Try new restaurants or cafes, especially in unfamiliar areas
  • Attend local events or festivals
  • Research your city's history and seek out lesser-known landmarks

9. Engage with your possessions mindfully to boost happiness

"Happiness is not having less; happiness is not having more; happiness is wanting what I have."

Thoughtful ownership. Our relationship with our possessions can significantly impact our happiness. By mindfully curating our belongings and appreciating what we have, we can create a more satisfying and less cluttered living environment.

Tips for mindful engagement with possessions:

  • Regularly declutter, keeping only items that are useful or bring joy
  • Create "shrines" or displays for cherished objects
  • Practice gratitude for the items you use daily
  • Invest in quality over quantity for frequently used items
  • Share or donate unused items to benefit others

10. Underreact to problems and enter into others' interests

"Underreact to problems."

Emotional regulation. By consciously choosing to underreact to minor problems and show genuine interest in others' passions, we can create a more harmonious home environment and stronger relationships. This approach helps reduce stress and conflict while fostering empathy and connection.

Practicing underreaction and interest:

  • Take a deep breath before responding to frustrating situations
  • Ask yourself if the problem will matter in a week, month, or year
  • Show curiosity about family members' hobbies or interests, even if they differ from your own
  • Use humor to defuse tense situations
  • Actively listen without immediately trying to solve others' problems

11. Abandon self-control strategically to achieve goals

"By giving myself limits, I give myself freedom."

Paradoxical approach. Sometimes, the best way to achieve our goals is to abandon rigid self-control and instead create systems that make it easier to do the right thing. This approach reduces the mental energy required for decision-making and helps build positive habits more effortlessly.

Strategies for strategic abandonment of self-control:

  • Use abstinence rather than moderation for challenging habits
  • Make desired behaviors more convenient (e.g., laying out exercise clothes the night before)
  • Create environmental cues that support your goals (e.g., keeping healthy snacks visible)
  • Automate positive choices (e.g., setting up automatic savings transfers)
  • Establish clear rules or schedules to eliminate daily decision-making

Last updated:

Review Summary

3.54 out of 5
Average of 19k+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

Happier at Home received mixed reviews. Some readers found it insightful and inspiring, appreciating Rubin's practical tips and personal anecdotes. Others criticized it as repetitive, privileged, and lacking substance. Many felt it was too similar to her previous book, The Happiness Project. Reviewers praised Rubin's writing style and research but questioned the necessity of the book. Some found her approach too rigid and self-centered. Overall, readers were divided on whether the book offered valuable advice for improving happiness at home or simply rehashed familiar ideas.

Your rating:

About the Author

Gretchen Rubin is a bestselling author and influential observer of happiness and human nature. She has written several popular books, including The Happiness Project and The Four Tendencies, which have sold millions of copies worldwide. Rubin hosts the award-winning podcast Happier with Gretchen Rubin and founded The Happiness Project. She has been featured in various media outlets and interviewed by notable figures. Originally a lawyer, Rubin clerked for Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor before pursuing writing. Born in Kansas City, she now lives in New York City with her family. Her most recent book, Life in Five Senses, explores using senses for a happier, healthier, and more creative life.

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