How Could You Do That?! The Abdication of Character, Courage, and Conscience

1. Character, Courage, and Conscience: The 3 C's of Being Human

"To be fully human and to benefit maximally from the life experience, you must get back to the 3 C's: Character, Courage, and Conscience."

Character is what you are when no one is looking. It's the moral fiber that guides your actions, even when there's no external reward or recognition. Courage is the strength to do what's right, even when it's difficult or unpopular. It's the willpower to resist temptations and stand up for your beliefs. Conscience is your inner moral compass, the voice that tells you right from wrong.

These three C's elevate humans above mere animals. While animals act on instinct, humans have the unique ability to make moral choices. This capacity for moral decision-making is what makes us truly human. By developing and exercising character, courage, and conscience, we become more fully realized as human beings.

• Character is built through consistent ethical behavior
• Courage is developed by facing fears and doing what's right despite difficulties
• Conscience is strengthened by listening to your inner moral voice and acting on it

2. Feelings Are Information, Not Commands

"Feelings are inner experiences, subjective emotional reactions, that are factored into making decisions about behaviors. They ought not be a simple, reflexive call to action."

Emotions provide valuable data, but they shouldn't dictate our actions. Feelings arise from the more primitive parts of our brain, while rational thought comes from our evolved neocortex. Mature decision-making involves considering our emotions, but not being ruled by them.

Many people mistakenly believe that "following your heart" or doing what feels good is the path to happiness. However, this often leads to impulsive choices with negative long-term consequences. Instead, we should use our feelings as one input among many, including reason, values, and consideration of others. By developing emotional intelligence, we can better understand our feelings without being controlled by them.

• Recognize feelings without automatically acting on them
• Use rational thought to analyze the source and validity of emotions
• Consider long-term consequences, not just immediate gratification
• Balance emotional desires with moral values and responsibilities to others

3. Values Give Meaning to Life and Guide Difficult Choices

"Values give meaning to life, and all its otherwise mundane aspects. When you behave in ways that give your life meaning, you are fully human."

Values provide a framework for making decisions and finding purpose. They act as a compass, guiding us through life's challenges and temptations. Without clear values, we're more likely to make choices based on immediate gratification or external pressures.

Defining and living by your values isn't always easy, but it leads to a more fulfilling life. Values help us transcend our animal instincts and aspire to something greater. They give weight to our actions and imbue even ordinary experiences with deeper significance.

• Identify your core values and principles
• Use values as criteria for making important decisions
• Find meaning by aligning your actions with your beliefs
• Recognize that living by values often requires sacrifice in the short-term

4. Honor and Integrity Define Who You Are

"Character builds satisfaction in life in a curiously indelible way."

Honor and integrity are the foundations of a strong character. They represent consistency between your values and your actions. When you act with honor, you build self-respect and earn the trust of others. Integrity means being whole and undivided – your public and private selves are aligned.

Living with honor and integrity isn't always easy. It often requires making difficult choices and sacrificing short-term gains for long-term principles. However, the rewards of a clear conscience and genuine self-respect are immeasurable. Your choices and actions, especially when no one is watching, define who you truly are.

• Make choices based on principles, not just convenience
• Keep your word, even when it's difficult
• Be consistent in your public and private behavior
• Recognize that integrity builds trust in relationships

5. Commitment and Sacrifice Build Stronger Relationships

"Commitment, honor, duty, compassion. Every great relationship is such because it suffered through the disillusionment phase, and other such 'lows.'"

Strong relationships require work and a willingness to weather difficult times. The modern idea that relationships should always be easy or make you happy is unrealistic and harmful. True commitment involves staying dedicated even when you don't feel like it.

Sacrifice is an essential component of lasting relationships. This doesn't mean martyring yourself, but rather being willing to put the needs of the relationship or your partner ahead of your own desires at times. By working through challenges together and making sacrifices for each other, couples build deeper bonds and more satisfying partnerships.

• Recognize that all relationships go through ups and downs
• Commit to working through difficulties rather than giving up
• Be willing to sacrifice for the good of the relationship
• Understand that overcoming challenges together strengthens bonds

6. Personal Responsibility: The Key to Growth and Self-Respect

"We do wrong because in our inner battle, morality is lost to immediate self-interest. And the reward for that is a moment's thrill and potpourri of destructive consequences."

Taking responsibility for your actions is crucial for personal growth and self-respect. It's easy to blame others or circumstances for our problems, but this mindset keeps us stuck and powerless. By owning our choices and their consequences, we gain the ability to learn and improve.

Accepting personal responsibility can be uncomfortable. It means facing our mistakes and shortcomings. However, it's the only path to genuine change and self-improvement. When we stop making excuses and start taking responsibility, we empower ourselves to create the life we want.

• Avoid the victim mentality – recognize your role in your circumstances
• Learn from mistakes instead of making excuses
• Take action to change what you can, rather than complaining
• Understand that personal responsibility is empowering, not limiting

7. Moral Choices Shape Your Life and Impact Others

"Morality requires making a choice. Where there is no choice, the issue of morality is moot."

Every decision has moral implications, whether we recognize them or not. Our choices don't just affect us – they ripple out to impact our families, communities, and society. By considering the moral dimension of our actions, we take responsibility for their wider consequences.

Making ethical choices often requires sacrifice and courage. It's easier to rationalize selfish behavior or go along with the crowd. However, consistently choosing the moral path shapes our character and influences others positively. Small ethical decisions build over time to create a life of integrity and purpose.

• Consider the broader impact of your choices, not just personal gain
• Recognize that even small decisions have moral implications
• Understand that moral choices often require personal sacrifice
• See how consistent ethical behavior shapes your character over time

8. The Importance of Parental Presence in Children's Lives

"Quality moments require quantity time in which to occur spontaneously."

Children need consistent parental presence to thrive emotionally and developmentally. While quality time is important, it can't replace the benefits of day-to-day involvement in a child's life. Parents who prioritize career or personal pursuits over active parenting may be shortchanging their children's needs.

The modern push for work-life balance often underestimates the time and energy required for effective parenting. Children benefit from having parents who are physically and emotionally available, not just for scheduled activities, but for the everyday moments that build connection and provide security.

• Recognize that parenting requires significant time investment
• Understand that children need both quality and quantity time
• Prioritize being present and available in your children's daily lives
• Be aware that outsourcing childcare has potential drawbacks

9. Sexual Responsibility and the Consequences of Casual Intimacy

"Sex is just an acting out of a biological imperative, unless you reserve it for committed love and responsible reproduction."

Sexual intimacy carries significant emotional and practical consequences. Casual sexual encounters, while temporarily gratifying, often lead to feelings of emptiness, regret, or shame. Additionally, they can result in unintended pregnancies or sexually transmitted infections.

Reserving sexual intimacy for committed relationships provides a context of trust, respect, and shared responsibility. This approach recognizes the profound emotional and physical impact of sexual relationships. It also aligns sexual behavior with broader life goals and values.

• Recognize the emotional impact of sexual relationships
• Consider the potential consequences of casual sexual encounters
• Understand how sexual choices reflect and impact your values
• See intimacy as part of a broader commitment, not just physical gratification

10. Honoring Commitments Leads to Long-Term Happiness

"Happiness, therefore, is about 'mattering,' and mattering is about valuing things and living accordingly."

True happiness comes from living with purpose and integrity, not just pursuing pleasure or avoiding discomfort. When we honor our commitments – to ourselves, our relationships, our work, and our values – we create a sense of meaning and satisfaction that transcends momentary feelings.

Sticking to commitments isn't always easy or immediately rewarding. It often requires sacrifice and perseverance. However, the long-term benefits of reliability, self-respect, and deep relationships far outweigh the temporary discomfort. By consistently choosing to honor our word and live up to our values, we build a life of genuine fulfillment.

• Recognize that honoring commitments builds self-respect
• Understand that true happiness comes from living with purpose
• Be willing to sacrifice short-term pleasure for long-term satisfaction
• See how consistently keeping your word builds trust and strong relationships

Last updated: October 5, 2024