The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

1. Respect and appreciate your husband's masculine nature

"Men are simple. They know it. Women have to learn it if they expect to be truly happy with their man."

Men are straightforward creatures. They typically have simple desires: to be their wife's hero, to be respected, admired, and appreciated. Understanding and embracing these masculine traits can significantly improve marital relationships. Women often make the mistake of expecting their husbands to think and behave like women, leading to frustration and misunderstandings.

Key aspects of masculine nature:

• Need for respect and admiration
• Desire to protect and provide
• Preference for direct communication
• Appreciation for physical intimacy
• Tendency to problem-solve rather than just listen

By acknowledging and valuing these traits, wives can create a more harmonious and satisfying relationship with their husbands.

2. Communicate clearly and directly with your husband

"Women need to realize that we are just going to do stupid stuff. That doesn't make it malicious or a personal attack on them. When we do these stupid things, we don't need retaliation. We are usually embarrassed enough on our own. We need forgiveness."

Effective communication is crucial. Men generally prefer direct, clear communication rather than hints or subtle cues. Women should express their needs and desires explicitly, avoiding the expectation that their husbands should "just know" what they want.

Tips for better communication:

• Be specific about your needs and expectations
• Avoid using sarcasm or passive-aggressive behavior
• Choose the right time to discuss important matters
• Listen actively and try to understand his perspective
• Express appreciation for his efforts to communicate

Remember that men often process information differently than women. They may need time to think before responding, and they typically focus on finding solutions rather than just listening and empathizing.

3. Prioritize your marriage over other relationships

"The first and foremost relationship in that house is between you and your husband. And this is what your daughter will remember when she makes decisions in her marriage."

Your marriage should be the primary relationship. While other relationships, such as those with children, parents, or friends, are important, they should not overshadow the marital bond. Prioritizing your marriage sets a positive example for your children and creates a stable foundation for the entire family.

Ways to prioritize your marriage:

• Schedule regular date nights
• Make decisions as a couple
• Support each other in front of others
• Avoid discussing marital issues with outsiders
• Create shared goals and work towards them together

By consistently demonstrating the importance of your marriage, you strengthen your relationship and create a more harmonious family environment.

4. Make time for intimacy and physical affection

"Sex is to a husband what conversation is to a wife. When a wife deprives her husband of sex for days, even weeks on end, it is tantamount to his refusing to talk to her for days, even weeks."

Physical intimacy is crucial for men. Many women underestimate the importance of sexual intimacy in their marriages. For most men, physical affection and sexual intimacy are primary ways of expressing and receiving love. Neglecting this aspect of the relationship can lead to feelings of rejection and disconnection.

Fostering intimacy in your marriage:

• Prioritize regular sexual intimacy
• Show physical affection throughout the day
• Communicate openly about sexual needs and desires
• Address any physical or emotional barriers to intimacy
• Understand that intimacy strengthens emotional bonds

Remember that intimacy is not just about sex; it includes all forms of physical affection and closeness. Nurturing this aspect of your relationship can significantly improve overall marital satisfaction.

5. Show gratitude for your husband's contributions

"Men are impressed by honesty, not manipulation (nagging, coercing, yelling, crying, or emotional blackmail)."

Appreciation goes a long way. Men thrive on feeling appreciated and respected for their efforts and contributions. Regularly expressing gratitude can motivate your husband to continue being supportive and engaged in the relationship.

Ways to show appreciation:

• Verbally thank him for specific actions
• Acknowledge his hard work and sacrifices
• Brag about him to others
• Write heartfelt notes or messages
• Reciprocate his efforts with acts of kindness

By consistently showing gratitude, you create a positive cycle of mutual appreciation and support in your marriage.

6. Nurture your femininity to enhance your relationship

"Looking womanly and behaving sweetly and flirtatiously are gifts wives give to their husbands."

Embrace your feminine nature. Many women neglect their femininity after marriage, especially after having children. However, maintaining your feminine qualities can significantly enhance your relationship with your husband. This doesn't mean conforming to unrealistic beauty standards, but rather embracing and expressing your unique feminine energy.

Ways to nurture femininity:

• Take care of your appearance
• Engage in self-care activities
• Express your emotions in healthy ways
• Cultivate gentleness and nurturing qualities
• Embrace your sensuality

Remember that femininity is not about weakness or submission, but about embracing and expressing your unique feminine qualities that complement your husband's masculine nature.

7. Address issues together as a team

"Is this the hill you wish to die on?"

Approach problems as partners. When facing challenges, it's crucial to remember that you and your husband are on the same team. Instead of attacking each other, focus on addressing the issue together. This approach fosters unity and strengthens your bond.

Effective problem-solving strategies:

• Identify the real issue at hand
• Listen to each other's perspectives without judgment
• Brainstorm solutions together
• Compromise when necessary
• Focus on finding a win-win solution

By tackling problems as a team, you reinforce your partnership and build trust in your ability to overcome obstacles together.

8. Avoid constant criticism and nagging

"Nothing discourages a man more from trying to be a good husband than the feeling that no matter what he does, his wife won't be pleased with him."

Constant criticism is destructive. Frequent nagging and criticism can erode a man's self-esteem and motivation to please his wife. Instead of focusing on what your husband does wrong, try to appreciate what he does right and offer constructive feedback when necessary.

Alternatives to criticism:

• Express appreciation for his efforts
• Use "I" statements to express your feelings
• Offer specific, actionable suggestions
• Choose your battles wisely
• Focus on positive reinforcement

By creating a positive, supportive environment, you encourage your husband to be his best self and contribute more to the relationship.

9. Support your husband's need for autonomy and respect

"My father's advice when I married was, 'You are marrying a man. Always treat him like one and he will always act like one.' "

Respect your husband's independence. Men generally have a strong need for autonomy and respect. Supporting this need doesn't mean being subservient, but rather acknowledging his capabilities and allowing him to make decisions and solve problems in his own way.

Ways to support autonomy:

• Avoid micromanaging his tasks
• Trust his judgment in decision-making
• Encourage his hobbies and interests
• Respect his need for personal space
• Acknowledge his competence in various areas

By supporting your husband's autonomy, you foster a sense of mutual respect and trust in your relationship.

10. Foster a positive atmosphere in your home

"I realized that I CHOSE this life, so I made myself appreciate ALL I had, and pretty soon I believed it!"

Create a welcoming environment. The atmosphere in your home significantly impacts your marriage. As a wife, you have considerable influence over the emotional climate of your household. Cultivating a positive, supportive environment can dramatically improve your relationship with your husband and benefit the entire family.

Ways to create a positive atmosphere:

• Practice gratitude daily
• Focus on solutions rather than problems
• Encourage open communication
• Celebrate each other's successes
• Create family traditions and rituals

By consciously fostering a positive atmosphere, you create a home where your husband feels valued, respected, and loved, leading to a stronger, more satisfying marriage.

Last updated: January 22, 2025