How to Be a Person in the World

1. Embrace Your Flaws and Weirdness; They Are Your Strength.

It’s okay to be an oversensitive freak.

Accept your unique self. Stop trying to be "normal" or hide the parts of yourself that feel different. Your quirks, your intense interests, your emotional depth – these are not liabilities to be toned down or apologized for. They are the very things that make you unique and interesting.

Authenticity attracts. While some people may be unnerved by your intensity or weirdness, trying to mask it with bravado or defensiveness is counterproductive. True connection comes when you allow yourself to be vulnerable and show who you really are, even the messy parts. The right people will be drawn to your genuine self.

Self-acceptance is key. The embarrassment or shame you feel about your "weirdness" comes from internal conflict, not from the things themselves. When you fully embrace and support yourself, you project confidence that makes others more comfortable with you. Your self-worth shouldn't depend on external approval.

2. Demand Passionate Love; Don't Settle for Tepid.

You need to tell tepid to fuck right off, Kanye-style.

Recognize lukewarm interest. Stop wasting time and emotional energy on partners who are only half-invested or ambivalent about you. Their lack of enthusiasm is not a reflection of your worth; it's a reflection of their own limitations or simply a lack of compatibility.

Prioritize your value. Badgering someone for more attention or trying to convince them of your worth is demeaning and ineffective. Instead of focusing on why they aren't more interested, focus on your own value and be willing to walk away from relationships that don't meet your needs.

Believe in passionate connection. You desire a big, passionate, happy love, and you are worthy of it. Holding out for this doesn't make you demanding; it makes you someone who knows what they want and refuses to settle for less. This requires believing that such a connection is possible for you.

3. Honesty and Vulnerability Build Real Connection, Not Perfection.

Honesty. That’s all you need.

Cheating is about dishonesty. Infidelity is not a logical solution to relationship problems like lack of sex; it's a profound betrayal of trust. Assuming your partner would prefer discreet affairs to open communication is arrogant and deeply hurtful.

Face difficult conversations. True intimacy and growth in a relationship come from being willing to show up, be vulnerable, and talk openly about your needs, frustrations, and fears. Hiding your true feelings or actions creates distance and resentment.

Vulnerability is strength. While it feels safer to present a polished, perfect version of yourself, especially in new relationships, real connection happens when you allow yourself to be seen, flaws and all. This doesn't mean oversharing immediately, but gradually revealing your authentic self builds trust and deeper bonds.

4. Process Your Anger and Bitterness; Don't Let Them Define You.

Your bitterness is caused by the notion that these men form one all-powerful, critical OZ that thinks you’re not good enough.

Bitterness is self-inflicted. Obsessing over past hurts and replaying rejections creates a painful internal loop that harms only you. This fixation often stems from a core belief that something is fundamentally wrong with you, which the rejections seem to confirm.

Challenge negative self-talk. Your internal narrative, not external events, is the source of your suffering. Actively listen to the critical voices in your head and challenge their validity. Replace self-judgment with kindness and acceptance.

Channel anger productively. Feeling angry about past injustices or your own perceived failures is natural. Instead of letting it fester into bitterness, channel that energy into positive action: setting boundaries, pursuing your passions, or simply being kinder to yourself.

5. Face Your Fears and Insecurities; They Are Guides, Not Enemies.

You are projecting your depressed, anxious, scared past onto your bright and limitless future.

Fear paralyzes. Allowing fear of future loneliness, regret, or failure to consume you prevents you from taking action in the present. This projection of past pain onto the future creates a self-fulfilling prophecy of stagnation and missed opportunities.

Action combats fear. The only way to move past paralyzing fear is to take small, deliberate steps forward, even when you feel terrified. Focus on what you can do today – a small task, a difficult conversation, a new habit – rather than the overwhelming big picture.

Vulnerability reveals strength. Hiding your fears or pretending to be stronger than you are only reinforces the idea that these feelings are weaknesses. Accepting and acknowledging your vulnerability is the first step towards building genuine resilience and finding authentic connection.

6. Define Your Own Success and Purpose; External Validation Fades.

Working on your music gives you a sense of purpose and identity and makes you happy. That is the very definition of success.

Success is internal. Stop measuring your worth or success by external metrics like job titles, salary, or public recognition. True fulfillment comes from pursuing activities that give you a sense of purpose, identity, and joy, regardless of outside validation.

Claim your calling. If you have a passion or creative pursuit, commit to it fully. Don't dismiss it as a hobby or a liability. Claim the title – artist, writer, musician – and dedicate yourself to the work itself. This commitment is where real success lies.

Resist external pressures. Don't let societal expectations or the perceived ease of others' lives dictate your path. It's okay to want something different, even if it seems impractical or doesn't fit conventional notions of achievement. Your unique path is valid.

7. Build a Rich, Fulfilling Life for Yourself, Independent of Others.

You are the cherished and the cherisher. You are the eminently lovable and the lover.

Self-cherishing is fundamental. Stop waiting for someone else to make you feel loved, worthy, or complete. You must cultivate a deep sense of self-worth and cherish yourself first. This internal validation is the foundation for a truly fulfilling life.

Create your own happiness. Don't rely on a partner or external circumstances to bring you joy. Actively build a life filled with things you love – hobbies, friendships, creative projects, experiences – that nourish your soul and make you feel alive.

Embrace solitude. Learning to be happy and at peace when you are alone is crucial. A rich inner life makes you less dependent on others for validation and allows you to enter relationships from a place of strength and abundance, not neediness.

8. Making Connections Requires Effort, Openness, and Lowered Standards.

The mid- to late twenties are often an apex of friendless desperation.

Friendship takes work. Forming meaningful connections as an adult requires initiative and consistent effort. It doesn't happen magically or organically like childhood friendships often do. You have to put yourself out there and be willing to invest time.

Lower your expectations. Stop searching for the perfect, instant best friend who understands your every thought. Be open to connecting with a wide range of people, even those who seem different or don't immediately click. Casual acquaintances can grow into deeper friendships over time.

Practice vulnerability and listening. Move beyond superficial small talk by asking bigger questions and truly listening to the answers. Share aspects of yourself gradually. Building trust and intimacy requires mutual revelation and consistent presence.

9. You Are Not Broken or Undatable; You Are Just Human.

You are not broken and undatable.

Challenge the "damaged goods" narrative. Stop internalizing rejections or past relationship failures as proof that you are fundamentally flawed or incapable of being loved. This mindset is self-sabotaging and prevents you from forming healthy connections.

Authenticity attracts the right people. While some may prefer superficial interactions or conventional personalities, presenting your real self, even with awkwardness or intensity, will attract people who appreciate genuine human connection.

Focus on self-understanding. Instead of trying to fix perceived social flaws, focus on understanding yourself deeply. Knowing your values, passions, and insecurities allows you to communicate more authentically and connect with others on a meaningful level.

10. Life is About Fumbling Through the Dark, Not Knowing Everything.

Life is not about knowing. Life is about feeling your way through the dark.

Embrace uncertainty. Stop striving for perfect certainty or waiting for everything to "click into place." Life is inherently messy and unpredictable. Accepting that you don't have all the answers is liberating and allows you to navigate challenges with more flexibility.

Trust your feelings. Your emotions, even the uncomfortable ones like sadness, anger, or fear, are valuable guides. Instead of shutting them down or judging them, allow yourself to feel them fully. This emotional honesty is crucial for self-discovery and growth.

Action over analysis. While self-reflection is important, don't get stuck in endless analysis or second-guessing. Sometimes you just have to take a step forward, even if you're unsure of the outcome. Fumbling forward is still progress.

11. You Can Have "It All," But It Requires Constant Juggling and Support.

Having it all, by its very nature, implies that you have a lot more than you can handle.

"Having it all" is a juggling act. Balancing a career, family, and personal well-being is inherently challenging and requires constant effort and compromise. It's not a state of effortless perfection but a dynamic process of managing competing demands.

Reject the either/or fallacy. You don't have to choose definitively between career and family. You can pursue both, accepting that there will be trade-offs and periods of imbalance. Your desires can evolve, and your path can change over time.

Seek and accept support. Don't try to do everything alone. Rely on your partner, family, friends, and paid help if possible. Building a support system is crucial for managing the demands of a full life and preventing burnout.

12. Reinvent Yourself and Your Story; You Are Already Amazing.

You are already full color, larger-than-life, brilliant and special and vivid and amazing.

Challenge limiting narratives. Stop defining yourself by past hurts, failures, or perceived limitations. You have the power to rewrite your own story and step into a new identity based on who you are becoming, not who you were.

Recognize your inherent worth. You don't need external validation or extraordinary achievements to be valuable. You are inherently full color, brilliant, and amazing simply by being yourself. Believe in your own potential and worthiness.

Take risks and explore. Step outside your comfort zone and try new things – pursue a creative passion, travel, change careers, express yourself authentically. These acts of self-discovery and courage are how you bring your full, amazing self into the world.

Last updated: May 4, 2025