How to Be You

1. Embrace Your Authentic Self: Stop Trying to Be Someone Else

As soon as you give up the quest to be perfect according to some outside standard, you can start being you.

Be yourself unapologetically. Society often pressures us to conform to certain standards of perfection, but these standards are arbitrary and ever-changing. By trying to meet these impossible expectations, we lose sight of our true selves and waste precious time and energy.

Celebrate your uniqueness. Your quirks, flaws, and differences are what make you special. Instead of trying to hide or change these aspects of yourself, embrace them as your superpowers. Remember that you are not meant to be a carbon copy of anyone else – you are here to be the unique individual that you are.

• Recognize that perfection is an illusion
• Identify and challenge societal expectations
• Focus on self-acceptance rather than self-improvement
• Embrace your quirks and differences as strengths

2. Trust Your Inner Wisdom and Embrace Your Uniqueness

You are trustworthy, or that you belong here and the way you see the world is valid.

Develop self-trust. Many of us grow up doubting our own instincts and experiences, constantly seeking validation from others. However, true confidence comes from learning to trust yourself and your own perspective on the world.

Reconnect with your inner wisdom. As children, we often have a strong sense of who we are and what we want. Over time, societal conditioning can disconnect us from this inner knowing. To reclaim your authenticity, practice listening to your intuition and honoring your own experiences and feelings.

• Pay attention to your gut feelings
• Question external opinions and advice
• Practice making decisions based on your own judgment
• Celebrate moments when you've trusted yourself

3. Continuously Learn and Discover Yourself

You don't want to get into the habit of judging the things you find as you learn more about yourself; you want to practice enjoying the exploration.

Embrace lifelong self-discovery. Understanding yourself is not a destination but a continuous journey. Approach self-exploration with curiosity and openness, rather than judgment or the need to arrive at definitive answers.

Practice self-reflection. Regular introspection can help you uncover new aspects of yourself and deepen your self-understanding. Be open to the possibility that your preferences, beliefs, and values may evolve over time.

• Keep a journal to track your thoughts and feelings
• Try new experiences to discover what resonates with you
• Regularly reassess your goals and values
• Be open to changing your mind about yourself

4. Accept and Express Your Emotions Freely

Emotions can't be wrong. How you treat your emotions, and how you treat yourself when a strong emotion arises, can lead you toward or away from freedom, but that has nothing to do with feelings being right or wrong.

Embrace all emotions. Many of us are taught to suppress or judge certain emotions, especially those deemed negative. However, all emotions serve a purpose and provide valuable information about our experiences.

Practice emotional awareness. Learn to identify and name your emotions without judgment. Allow yourself to feel them fully, understanding that emotions are temporary experiences that will pass.

• Create a safe space to express emotions freely
• Practice naming and describing your feelings
• Explore healthy ways to release emotional energy
• Seek support when dealing with overwhelming emotions

5. Let Go of Control and the Need for Perfection

The sooner you let go of the notion that life is all about how you're performing, the better you'll feel.

Embrace imperfection. The desire for control often stems from a fear of failure or judgment. Recognize that perfection is unattainable and that making mistakes is an essential part of growth and learning.

Focus on what you can influence. While you can't control every aspect of your life or others' reactions, you can control your own actions and responses. Shift your focus to what you can realistically impact.

• Practice accepting situations as they are
• Reframe "failures" as learning opportunities
• Set realistic expectations for yourself and others
• Celebrate progress rather than perfection

6. Ignore Haters and Focus on Self-Acceptance

Being bullied is almost always a sign that you're doing something right, that you are actually some kind of awesome person.

Understand the root of hate. Haters often project their own insecurities and fears onto others. Their negativity says more about them than it does about you.

Cultivate self-acceptance. The strongest defense against haters is a solid foundation of self-love and acceptance. When you truly accept yourself, others' opinions have less power over you.

• Recognize that hate is not personal
• Surround yourself with supportive people
• Practice positive self-talk and affirmations
• Use criticism as an opportunity for self-reflection, not self-doubt

7. Embrace Uncertainty and Enjoy Not Knowing

Maybe you will never find your "true self," at least not in the way you've been taught you should. And that could be the best thing that ever happens to you.

Embrace the unknown. Society often pressures us to have our lives figured out, but the truth is that life is inherently uncertain. Embracing this uncertainty can lead to greater freedom and openness to new experiences.

Cultivate curiosity. Instead of fearing the unknown, approach it with curiosity and excitement. Not knowing allows for endless possibilities and continuous growth.

• Practice saying "I don't know" without shame
• Explore new interests without the pressure of mastery
• Reframe uncertainty as an opportunity for adventure
• Challenge your need for certainty and control

8. Prioritize Feeling Good and Abandon Guilt

Feeling bad doesn't get you anywhere.

Challenge the guilt narrative. Many of us are taught that feeling bad is necessary for learning or improving. However, guilt and shame are often counterproductive and can hinder personal growth.

Focus on positive reinforcement. Instead of punishing yourself for mistakes, focus on rewarding and encouraging positive behaviors. This approach is more effective for lasting change and personal development.

• Identify and challenge guilt-inducing thoughts
• Practice self-compassion when facing setbacks
• Celebrate small victories and progress
• Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment

9. Stay Connected to Your True Self

The only person who can take lasting, loving lifelong care of you is you.

Cultivate self-awareness. Staying connected to your true self requires ongoing effort and attention. Regular self-reflection and mindfulness practices can help you maintain this connection.

Prioritize self-care. Taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being is crucial for maintaining a strong connection to your authentic self. Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine.

• Establish a regular self-reflection practice
• Create boundaries to protect your energy and values
• Regularly check in with your feelings and needs
• Surround yourself with people who support your authentic self

Last updated: October 5, 2024