Existential Kink

1. Embrace your shadow self to unlock personal growth

"Until you make the unconscious, conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it Fate."

The shadow self: This concept, introduced by Carl Jung, refers to the repressed, disowned parts of our personality. By acknowledging and integrating these aspects, we can achieve personal growth and transformation. The shadow often contains our deepest fears, desires, and potential for creativity.

Benefits of shadow work:

• Increased self-awareness
• Improved relationships
• Enhanced creativity
• Greater emotional balance
• Reduced unconscious self-sabotage

To begin shadow work, observe your reactions to others, identify recurring patterns in your life, and explore your dreams and fantasies. Journaling, meditation, and therapy can be helpful tools in this process.

2. "Having is evidence of wanting" - Uncover unconscious desires

"We do always get what we deeply desire, but most of us aren't that aware that much of what we deeply desire is some highly unpleasant, painful, secret, repressed, fucked-up shit."

Unconscious manifestation: Our experiences often reflect hidden desires or beliefs, even when they seem unpleasant. By recognizing this, we can take responsibility for our circumstances and create change.

Steps to uncover unconscious desires:

1. Identify recurring patterns in your life
2. Ask yourself, "How might I be benefiting from this situation?"
3. Look for evidence of secret enjoyment or satisfaction
4. Practice radical honesty with yourself
5. Use techniques like journaling or meditation to explore deeper motivations

Understanding your unconscious desires allows you to make conscious choices and create the life you truly want, rather than repeating patterns driven by hidden motivations.

3. Transform pain into pleasure through acceptance

"Sensation is qualitatively neutral. It's our mind's interpretation of sensation that decides whether or not we experience it as 'painful' or 'pleasurable.'"

Reframing pain: By changing our relationship to discomfort, we can transmute it into a source of growth and even pleasure. This doesn't mean seeking out pain, but rather accepting and working with the challenges we face.

Techniques for transforming pain:

• Mindfulness meditation
• Body scan exercises
• Tonglen practice
• Reframing negative self-talk
• Cultivating curiosity about sensations

Practice observing sensations without judgment, allowing yourself to experience them fully. Over time, this can lead to a more expansive and resilient relationship with both pleasure and pain.

4. Expand your "havingness" level to attract abundance

"Your havingness level is a kind of internal imprint based on past family and cultural conditioning that determines the amount and kinds of sensation that you're willing to feel before some part of you unconsciously decides it's 'too much' or 'too good to be true'"

Havingness concept: This refers to our capacity to receive and maintain positive experiences, resources, and abundance in our lives. Many people unconsciously limit their success due to a low havingness level.

Signs of a low havingness level:

• Sabotaging success or relationships
• Feeling uncomfortable with compliments or recognition
• Difficulty accepting help or gifts
• Chronic financial struggles despite effort
• Pushing away positive experiences

To expand your havingness level, practice gradually exposing yourself to more positive experiences and abundance. Celebrate small wins, accept compliments graciously, and challenge limiting beliefs about what you deserve or can handle.

5. Practice Existential Kink to dissolve negative patterns

"Existential Kink is a specific meditative practice that I teach that's all about dissolving negative patterns by being willing to uncover and celebrate the previously unconscious pleasure that we actually—paradoxically—derive from those 'yucky' patterns."

Existential Kink method:

1. Identify a negative pattern or situation in your life
2. Relax and create a safe, private space
3. Allow yourself to feel the associated emotions fully
4. Look for any hidden enjoyment or satisfaction in the situation
5. Celebrate and "get off" on this secret pleasure
6. Release judgment and resistance

This practice helps integrate shadow aspects and dissolve stuck patterns by acknowledging the unconscious motivations behind them. Regular practice can lead to greater self-acceptance and the ability to make conscious choices.

6. Integrate your conscious and unconscious minds

"I believe that the same is true for anyone who's willing to do this work. You might be up against some very big, very painful societal or familial setbacks, and yet when you become willing to really excavate your previously unconscious role in your difficult situation, you gain exactly the freedom, courage, and creativity that you need to overcome those setbacks and to even lift up other people."

Mind integration benefits:

• Increased creativity and problem-solving abilities
• Reduced internal conflict and stress
• Greater emotional intelligence
• Enhanced intuition and decision-making
• Improved manifestation abilities

Techniques for integration:

• Regular meditation or mindfulness practice
• Journaling, especially stream-of-consciousness writing
• Active imagination exercises
• Working with dreams
• Engaging in creative activities like art or music

By bridging the gap between conscious and unconscious aspects of yourself, you can access greater wisdom and personal power.

7. Leverage dread and cynicism for manifestation

"Faith in an outcome is just a sensation of certainty."

Reverse psychology manifestation: Instead of forced positivity, use your natural tendency towards cynicism or dread to create certainty about positive outcomes. This approach can be more effective for those who struggle with traditional affirmations.

Steps for "dreading the wonderful":

1. Identify your desired outcome
2. Imagine it happening inevitably
3. Express mock horror or dread at this "awful" fate
4. Allow yourself to feel the certainty of its occurrence
5. Notice any resistance or hidden fears that arise

This technique bypasses conscious resistance and taps into the power of your unconscious mind to manifest desired results.

8. Recognize projection in relationships for healing

"The people to whom you are attracted enough to get into any kind of more-than-a-weekend relationship with are especially, terrifyingly accurate mirrors."

Understanding projection: We often attribute our own disowned qualities, both positive and negative, to others. Recognizing this can lead to profound insights and healing in relationships.

Signs of projection:

• Strong emotional reactions to others' behavior
• Recurring relationship patterns
• Feeling overly affected by others' opinions
• Difficulty seeing others objectively
• Tendency to blame or idealize others

To work with projection, practice self-reflection when triggered by others. Ask yourself, "How might this quality also exist in me?" This can lead to greater self-awareness and more authentic relationships.

9. Use compassion to transmute pain and suffering

"Tonglen transforms the energy of pain and suffering into the energy of compassion, togetherness, and love."

Tonglen practice: This Tibetan Buddhist technique involves breathing in the suffering of others and breathing out relief and compassion. It can be a powerful tool for developing empathy and transforming personal pain.

Benefits of compassion practices:

• Reduced feelings of isolation
• Increased sense of connection to others
• Greater emotional resilience
• Improved ability to handle personal suffering
• Enhanced capacity for empathy and kindness

Regular compassion practices can shift your relationship to pain and suffering, allowing you to find meaning and growth in challenging experiences. This, in turn, can lead to greater overall well-being and fulfillment.

Last updated: January 24, 2025