How to Heal Your Inner Child

1. Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) and trauma shape adult behavior

CEN is usually (but not always) a consequence of a parent or primary caregiver failing to adequately meet the emotional needs of their child.

Invisible wounds: CEN occurs when parents fail to provide emotional support, love, and connection, even if they meet physical needs. This subtle form of neglect can lead to long-lasting effects in adulthood, including:

• Difficulty expressing emotions
• Low self-esteem and feelings of emptiness
• Struggles with relationships and intimacy
• Tendency towards addictive behaviors
• Chronic anxiety or depression

Impact on adult life: Adults who experienced CEN or trauma often develop coping mechanisms that served them as children but become problematic in adulthood. These may include:

• People-pleasing behaviors
• Difficulty setting boundaries
• Perfectionism or overachieving
• Emotional detachment or avoidance
• Constant self-criticism and feelings of inadequacy

2. Recognize the signs of CEN and trauma in yourself

When we are resistant to, or have doubts about, the existence of our inner child, or hold reservations about the process of healing, we end up putting roadblocks in our own way.

Self-awareness is key: Recognizing the signs of CEN and trauma in yourself is the first step towards healing. Some common indicators include:

• Feeling empty or hollow inside
• Difficulty identifying or expressing emotions
• Chronic self-doubt and low self-esteem
• Perfectionism or fear of failure
• Struggles with intimate relationships

Dig deeper: To better understand your past and its impact on your present, consider:

• Creating a timeline of significant life events
• Journaling about your childhood experiences and emotions
• Identifying patterns in your relationships and behaviors
• Seeking professional help to process your experiences

3. Understand your emotions and learn to feel your feelings

Emotions don't come from nowhere, they are an important signpost that points us to an area of our life that we need to look at more closely.

Emotional literacy: Many adults who experienced CEN struggle to identify and express their emotions. Developing emotional literacy involves:

• Learning to recognize and name different emotions
• Understanding the physical sensations associated with emotions
• Practicing mindfulness to become aware of your feelings in the moment

Feel to heal: Allowing yourself to experience emotions fully, rather than suppressing them, is crucial for healing. Try these strategies:

• Use an emotion wheel to help identify and label your feelings
• Practice "sitting with" uncomfortable emotions without judgment
• Express your emotions through journaling, art, or talking with a trusted friend
• Use the ANTS (Acknowledge, Name, Think, Story) process to work through challenging emotions

4. Discover and connect with your authentic self

The goal of changing your relationship for the better is to become vulnerable and to begin communicating with honesty.

Unmasking the true self: Many adults who experienced CEN develop a "false self" to cope with their childhood environment. Discovering your authentic self involves:

• Identifying your core values and beliefs
• Recognizing and challenging limiting beliefs
• Practicing self-reflection and introspection
• Learning to express your true thoughts and feelings

Authenticity in action: To cultivate authenticity in your daily life:

• Practice speaking your truth, even when it's uncomfortable
• Make decisions based on your values rather than others' expectations
• Engage in activities that bring you joy and align with your true self
• Surround yourself with people who support and appreciate the real you

5. Set healthy boundaries and express your needs

When we have set clear boundaries and people choose to push against them, we end up back where we started unless we take further action.

Boundary basics: Healthy boundaries are essential for protecting your emotional well-being. To set effective boundaries:

• Identify your personal limits and non-negotiables
• Communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively
• Be consistent in enforcing your boundaries
• Recognize that it's okay to say "no" to protect your well-being

Expressing needs: Many adults who experienced CEN struggle to identify and express their needs. To improve:

• Practice self-reflection to understand your emotional and physical needs
• Use "I" statements to express your needs clearly
• Start with small requests and build up to larger ones
• Remember that having needs is a normal and healthy part of being human

6. Heal your inner child and process past trauma

The process of healing is not about blame. This includes blaming yourself and blaming other people.

Inner child work: Connecting with and healing your inner child is crucial for overcoming CEN and trauma. Try these techniques:

• Visualization exercises to connect with your younger self
• Writing letters to your inner child
• Engaging in play and activities you enjoyed as a child
• Providing comfort and reassurance to your inner child during difficult moments

Trauma processing: To work through past trauma:

• Seek professional help from a trauma-informed therapist
• Practice grounding techniques to manage overwhelming emotions
• Use journaling or art therapy to express and process traumatic memories
• Engage in body-based therapies to release stored trauma

7. Cultivate self-love and overcome the victim mentality

Being a victim can bring with it a sense of self-hatred and unworthiness, a belief that we don't deserve to be happy.

Self-love practices: Developing self-love is essential for healing from CEN and trauma. Try:

• Daily positive affirmations
• Practicing self-compassion and forgiveness
• Engaging in self-care activities that nurture your mind, body, and spirit
• Celebrating your accomplishments, no matter how small

Shift from victim to survivor: To overcome the victim mentality:

• Recognize your personal power and agency
• Focus on what you can control in your life
• Reframe negative experiences as opportunities for growth
• Surround yourself with supportive, empowering people

8. Deal with setbacks and develop resilience

Any journey of change and self-improvement will inevitably come with setbacks.

Embrace setbacks: View setbacks as learning opportunities rather than failures. To build resilience:

• Practice self-compassion when facing challenges
• Identify lessons learned from each setback
• Develop a growth mindset that sees challenges as opportunities
• Build a support network to help you through difficult times

Coping strategies: When facing setbacks, try:

• Mindfulness meditation to stay present and grounded
• Journaling to process your thoughts and emotions
• Physical exercise to release tension and boost mood
• Seeking support from trusted friends or a therapist

9. Create a life of meaning, purpose, and happiness

We all have our own unique purpose in life and if you are able to find your true passion you become completely fulfilled, infinitely happier and experience a strong sense of contentment with your life.

Find your purpose: Discovering your life's purpose can bring profound fulfillment. Consider:

• Reflecting on what brings you joy and a sense of flow
• Identifying your unique strengths and talents
• Exploring ways to use your skills to help others
• Aligning your daily activities with your core values

Happiness habits: Cultivate happiness through daily practices:

• Practice gratitude by keeping a gratitude journal
• Engage in acts of kindness for others
• Nurture meaningful relationships and social connections
• Pursue personal growth and learning opportunities
• Prioritize experiences over material possessions

By implementing these key takeaways, you can begin the journey of healing from Childhood Emotional Neglect and trauma, leading to a more authentic, fulfilling, and joyful life.

Last updated: April 4, 2025