How to Human

1. Embrace Your Full, Authentic Humanity

We each need to get back—individually—to who we were created to be.

Recalibrate, don't rebuild. Humanity doesn't need a complete overhaul; it requires a recalibration, a reset to its original design. Just as a computer benefits from a "Control-Alt-Delete" to run better, individuals need to shed layers of trauma, opinions, and external influences to reconnect with their innate goodness. This journey back to our authentic selves is the first step in remembering "how to human."

Unearth your true self. The author shares his personal journey of discovering his Black identity, long suppressed by his father's protective intentions and societal pressures. Despite being told he was "Mexican, not Black," a DNA test revealed 72% Nigerian heritage, forcing him to confront and embrace a hidden part of himself. This process of self-discovery, like Jesus's unapologetic Jewish identity, is crucial for confidence and connection.

Own your story. We all have aspects of our story—both beautiful and challenging—that we might hide or be ashamed of. Embracing these parts, understanding where we come from, and celebrating our heritage allows us to live more confidently. This self-acceptance is foundational for being bold and confident for others, unlocking a deeper capacity for human connection and purpose.

2. Cultivate Simple Love and Compassion

Love God and love people.

Unifying human reflex. The early days of the COVID-19 pandemic, much like the aftermath of 9/11, revealed a temporary but powerful sense of unity and shared hope among people. This collective response, exemplified by the author's "Ho Ho Hope" Santa display, highlights an inherent human reflex to come together in crisis, transcending differences. This unity, however, often fades as opinions and divisions resurface.

Simplicity of love. Jesus's teachings emphasize two core principles: loving God and loving people. This simple, uncomplicated approach to love is accessible to everyone, regardless of their beliefs. It encourages finding tangible ways to make others feel loved, such as:

• Taking cookies to a neighbor
• Paying for a stranger's coffee
• Complimenting someone's shoes
• Acknowledging a housekeeper's beautiful voice

Compassion in all seasons. True compassion, defined as "concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others," is most authentic when extended universally, not just when circumstances are easy or for those who share our views. The author's mother's struggle with early COVID-19, and the outpouring of support she received, demonstrated how compassion can override political or social differences when people are simply "hoping as a verb" for each other.

3. Act for Justice, Even When Uncomfortable

Jesus and justice go together like copy and paste.

Confronting bias. The murder of George Floyd and the subsequent racial unrest in 2020 highlighted the urgent need to address racial bias. The author realized that simply educating people about bias wasn't enough; action was required. He challenged the notion that bias equates to racism, explaining that bias is often subconscious and born from lived experiences or lack of exposure.

Personal revelation. The author's own bias against "old White men with American flags" stemmed from past racist encounters. This bias was shattered when his neighbor, James, whom he had judged for years, revealed he had painted a white bunny black as a symbol of solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement. This unexpected act of allyship forced the author to confront his own preconceived notions and realize that his feelings didn't always align with reality.

Jesus's example of justice. Jesus consistently championed justice for the oppressed and marginalized, demonstrating that His concern extended beyond His immediate community. He actively sought out and uplifted:

• Women, equalizing their status with men
• The poor, inviting them to banquets
• Racial enemies, like the Samaritan woman
• Oppressors, offering them a path to redemption

Being justice means putting action behind conviction, even if it involves risk or discomfort. It means standing up for those who cannot stand for themselves, building bridges, and challenging the status quo.

4. Slow Down to Rediscover Wonder

The amount of information accessible to us has absolutely ruined a part of who we were created to be as humans.

The "Covid Coma" slowdown. The forced slowdown of the 2020 lockdown, while tragic in many ways, also offered a unique opportunity to reconnect with a slower, more human pace of life. Activities like baking sourdough and gardening became widespread, reflecting a collective yearning for simplicity and connection to nature. This period allowed the earth itself to "heal," with clearer skies and returning wildlife.

God Speed vs. modern speed. Humanity has accelerated rapidly, especially in the Information Age, moving at speeds far beyond our natural "God Speed" of three miles an hour. This constant rush and limitless access to information have stifled our sense of awe and wonder, replacing imagination with instant answers. The author questions if we were created for this pace and knowledge, suggesting that slowing down can improve mental health and increase wonder.

Embrace the unknown. Jesus's life exemplified a "God Speed" pace, walking everywhere and fostering deep connections and wonder. He even playfully concealed His identity on the road to Emmaus, allowing for a moment of profound discovery. To rediscover wonder, we must:

• Take walks without phones
• Purposefully get "lost" by avoiding GPS
• Observe nature, like birds, which live without worry (Matthew 6:25-27)

Slowing down and embracing the unknown allows us to tap into a long-lost part of our humanity, fostering connection and a deeper appreciation for life.

5. See People, Not Issues

I don’t stand on issues; I walk with people.

Desire to be seen. Humans universally crave to be seen—not just for their achievements, but for their inherent worth and identity. The author's adopted Korean son, Losiah, experienced a profound sense of belonging and "swagger" when surrounded by people who looked like him in Beijing, highlighting the deep human need for recognition and connection within a larger culture.

Beyond the surface. Much of the ugliness and division seen online and in real life stems from people feeling unheard and unseen. Protests, political signs, and online arguments are often desperate cries for recognition. Once you truly "see" someone, it's difficult to "unsee" them, fostering a deeper level of care that transcends agreement.

Walk with, don't stand on. The author advocates for the principle: "I don't stand on issues; I walk with people." This means prioritizing relational engagement over rigid ideological stances. Instead of publicly declaring opinions on divisive topics like LGBTQ+ rights or the Second Amendment, the focus shifts to understanding and loving the individuals affected by these issues. This approach fosters genuine dialogue and prevents relationships from being sacrificed over abstract disagreements.

6. Get Close to See Clearly and Serve

You are getting in the chariot to let the person in it know that you see them, not that you agree with them.

Proximity for clarity. To truly see people and understand their perspectives, we must get close. The author's conversation with his police friend, Eric, about no-knock warrants illustrates this. Initially steadfast in his opposition, Carlos gained a nuanced understanding of the dangers police face by listening to Eric's personal experience. Getting near doesn't guarantee agreement, but it ensures clarity and humanizes the issue.

Jesus came near. Jesus consistently demonstrated the power of proximity. He didn't keep His distance from those who doubted or disagreed with Him. After His resurrection, when some disciples doubted, "Jesus came near" (Matthew 28:18) to dispel their uncertainty. This physical closeness allowed for undeniable proof and deeper connection, showing that true understanding often requires personal presence.

Serve without agenda. Serving others is a powerful way to make them feel seen and valued. Jesus's ministry was defined by service, not by being served (Mark 10:42-45). This means:

• Donating even small amounts to organizations in need
• Volunteering time and skills (e.g., Habitat for Humanity, Boys and Girls Club)
• Performing acts of kindness without expectation of reward (e.g., doing dishes for a spouse)
  Such acts of selfless service, whether for strangers or loved ones, foster a sense of being seen and can profoundly impact both the giver and the receiver.

7. Free Others to Find Your Own Freedom

By freeing them, you free yourself.

Invisibility breeds despair. People resort to destructive actions like rioting and looting when they feel perpetually unseen and unfree, trapped by their invisibility. As Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. stated, "a riot is the language of the unheard." This deep-seated feeling of being stuck can lead to desperate decisions, highlighting the urgent need for humans to help others find freedom before such breaking points are reached.

The reciprocal nature of freedom. The act of helping others find freedom often unlocks unexpected liberation within ourselves. The author's intense fight to save Brandon Bernard from execution, despite its tragic outcome, transformed Carlos into a death-penalty abolitionist. This experience freed him from a "caged desire" and revealed a deeper purpose. Science supports this, showing that the mere thought of being generous can increase happiness.

Extravagant giving. Jesus's first miracle, turning water into 908 bottles of the "best wine" at the wedding in Cana, exemplifies extravagant generosity—giving far beyond expectation. This lavish giving not only blessed the newlyweds but also revealed Jesus's glory. Similarly, when the Instafamilia rallied to pay off the author's family's debt after a "crappy week," it wasn't just about the money; it was an overwhelming act of love that restored his faith in humanity and brought him profound personal freedom.

8. Empathy Fuels Transformative Action

Jesus wept.

Empathy: feeling with someone. Empathy is the crucial bridge between conviction and action, moving beyond mere sympathy (feeling for someone) to truly feeling with them. This deep connection is what compels people to act generously and sacrificially. The Instafamilia's overwhelming response to Shannell's story, raising over $40,000 for a seizure-alert dog in less than 24 hours, demonstrated how collective empathy can lead to transformative change.

Jesus's empathetic tears. The shortest verse in the Bible, "Jesus wept" (John 11:35), is a profound example of empathy. Despite knowing He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead, Jesus wept because Mary and Martha were sad. He didn't dismiss their grief as temporary or lecture them on faith; He simply felt their pain with them. This act of empathy built trust and validated their suffering, even when He knew the miraculous outcome.

The last great unifier. Empathy is essential for humanity's healing and unity. It allows us to connect with others, regardless of their beliefs or circumstances, and to act on their behalf. The author's encounter with Tonee, a piano player in an airport, illustrates this: by simply seeing Tonee and feeling with his story, the Instafamilia was moved to give him a $10,000 tip, restoring his "faith in humanity." Empathy is not optional; it is the catalyst for a revival of humanity.