How to Influence People

1. Integrity: The Unshakable Foundation of Influence

Only basic goodness gives life to technique.

Integrity is non-negotiable. Integrity isn't a commodity to be bought or sold; it's the bedrock upon which trust, respect, and lasting influence are built. Without it, any attempt to influence others becomes manipulative and ultimately unsustainable. Ethical principles are not flexible, and even small compromises can erode one's character and credibility.

Integrity is an inside job. True integrity isn't determined by circumstances, credentials, or reputation; it stems from a deep-seated commitment to moral and ethical principles. It's about consistently choosing character over personal gain, people over things, service over power, and principle over convenience.

Integrity fosters trust. The ultimate benefit of integrity is the trust it engenders. In a world increasingly marked by skepticism and suspicion, trustworthiness is a rare and valuable commodity. By modeling consistency, communicating honestly, valuing transparency, and exemplifying humility, one can earn the trust of others and pave the way for genuine influence.

2. Nurturing: Feeding Others' Potential for Growth

You cannot antagonize and influence at the same time.

Nurturing is essential. Nurturing involves providing others with the encouragement, recognition, security, and hope they need to thrive. It's about genuinely caring for their well-being and fostering their growth, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually.

Nurturing requires giving. To nurture effectively, one must focus on giving rather than getting. This includes giving love, respect, a sense of security, recognition, and encouragement. By making others feel valued and appreciated, one creates an environment where they can flourish.

Nurturing yields positive results. When people are nurtured, they experience increased self-worth, a sense of belonging, a better perspective on themselves, a feeling of significance, and hope for the future. These positive outcomes, in turn, empower them to reach their full potential and make a positive impact on the world.

3. Faith: Believing in People Before They Believe in Themselves

When you believe in people, they do the impossible.

Faith is a catalyst. Having faith in others is a powerful catalyst for growth and achievement. When you believe in people, even before they believe in themselves, you unlock their potential and inspire them to reach new heights.

Faith requires action. Faith in people is more than just positive feelings; it requires action. It means treating them with confidence, emphasizing their strengths, listing their past successes, instilling confidence when they fail, and visualizing their future success.

Faith transforms lives. By becoming a believer in people, you give them an incredible gift: the confidence, energy, and self-reliance they need to overcome obstacles and achieve their dreams. This, in turn, transforms their lives and empowers them to make a positive impact on the world.

4. Listening: The Royal Road to Understanding and Connection

You ain’t learnin’ nothin’ when you’re doin’ all the talkin’.

Listening is invaluable. Listening is a skill that is often undervalued, yet it is essential for effective communication and influence. By truly listening to others, you show respect, build relationships, increase your knowledge, generate ideas, and foster loyalty.

Listening requires focus. Overcoming barriers to listening, such as overvaluing talking, lacking focus, experiencing mental fatigue, stereotyping, carrying emotional baggage, and being preoccupied with self, is crucial for becoming a skilled listener.

Listening can be developed. Developing listening skills involves looking at the speaker, not interrupting, focusing on understanding, determining the need at the moment, checking your emotions, suspending judgment, summing up at major intervals, asking questions for clarity, and always making listening a priority.

5. Understanding: Seeing the World Through Another's Eyes

Few things will pay you bigger dividends than the time and trouble you take to understand people.

Understanding is rewarding. Understanding others is a skill that pays great dividends in both personal and professional life. It enhances communication, fosters empathy, and enables you to motivate and influence others in a positive way.

Understanding requires overcoming barriers. Overcoming barriers to understanding, such as fear, self-centeredness, failure to appreciate differences, and failure to acknowledge similarities, is essential for building strong relationships and fostering collaboration.

Understanding requires empathy. To truly understand others, one must recognize that everyone wants to be somebody, needs to be cared for, and can be somebody when someone understands and believes in them. By adopting the other person's perspective and cultivating a positive attitude, one can gain valuable insights into their motivations and behaviors.

6. Enlarging: Stretching Others Beyond Their Perceived Limits

There is no more noble occupation in the world than to assist another human being—to help someone succeed.

Enlarging is an investment. Enlarging others involves helping them develop their potential, raise their level of living, increase their capacity for growth, and enhance the potential of their organization. It's about investing in their lives so that they can function at their best.

Enlarging requires preparation. To become an effective enlarger, one must first improve and enlarge oneself. This involves committing to lifelong learning, cultivating a positive attitude, and developing a strong sense of purpose.

Enlarging requires a process. The process of enlarging others involves carefully choosing individuals to mentor, seeing their potential, casting a vision for their future, tapping into their passion, addressing character flaws, focusing on their strengths, enlarging them one step at a time, putting resources in their hands, exposing them to enlarging experiences, and teaching them to be self-enlargers.

7. Navigating: Guiding Others Through Life's Storms

A leader discovers the hidden chasm between where things are and where things would better be, and strings up a makeshift bridge to attempt the crossing.

Navigating is essential. Navigating involves guiding others through life's difficulties, helping them overcome obstacles, and providing them with the support and encouragement they need to stay on course. It's about being a steady hand in the midst of the storm.

Navigating requires preparation. To be an effective navigator, one must identify the destination, plot the course, think ahead, and make course corrections. This involves helping others understand that everyone faces problems, successful people face more problems, money doesn't solve problems, and problems provide an opportunity for growth.

Navigating requires support. By teaching others not to listen to doubting critics, coaching them not to be overwhelmed by challenges, encouraging them to seek simple solutions, and instilling confidence in them, one can empower them to weather any storm and reach their desired destination.

8. Connecting: Building Bridges of Mutual Respect and Understanding

You can make more friends in two weeks by becoming a good listener than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in you.

Connecting is foundational. Connecting with others is essential for building strong relationships and fostering collaboration. It's about creating a sense of mutual respect, understanding, and shared purpose.

Connecting requires effort. Connecting with others involves not taking them for granted, possessing a make-a-difference mind-set, initiating movement toward them, looking for common ground, recognizing and respecting differences in personality, finding the key to others' lives, communicating from the heart, and sharing common experiences.

Connecting leads to influence. By connecting with others on a deeper level, one can gain their trust, inspire their loyalty, and empower them to reach their full potential. This, in turn, creates a powerful force for positive change in the world.

9. Empowering: Releasing Others to Reach Their Full Potential

It doesn’t make much difference how much other knowledge or experience an executive possesses; if he is unable to achieve results through people, he is worthless as an executive.

Empowering is transformative. Empowering others involves giving them the authority, resources, and support they need to take ownership of their work and reach their full potential. It's about creating a culture of trust, autonomy, and shared responsibility.

Empowering requires qualifications. To become an effective empowerer, one must possess a position of authority, a strong relationship with those they seek to empower, mutual respect, and a deep commitment to their growth and development.

Empowering requires a process. The process of empowering others involves evaluating them, modeling for them, giving them permission to succeed, transferring authority to them, providing them with support, and expecting results. By following these steps, one can create a ripple effect of positive change that extends far beyond the individual level.

Last updated: February 19, 2025