How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less

1. First Impressions Matter: Make a Positive Impact in 90 Seconds

We have approximately 90 seconds to make a favorable impression when we first meet someone.

The greeting sequence. The first few seconds of an encounter are crucial in establishing rapport. Follow the "Open-Eye-Beam-Hi!-Lean" sequence:

• Open: Adopt a positive attitude and open body language
• Eye: Make eye contact first
• Beam: Smile sincerely
• Hi!: Introduce yourself with a pleasing tone
• Lean: Subtly lean forward to show interest

Importance of congruence. Ensure your words, tone, and body language all convey the same message. People are more likely to trust and believe you when your communication is congruent. This alignment is essential for building credibility and rapport quickly.

2. Develop a Really Useful Attitude to Enhance Likability

Attitudes are like trays on which we serve ourselves up to other people.

Choose your attitude wisely. Your attitude sets the tone for any interaction and significantly impacts how others perceive you. Cultivate a Really Useful Attitude that is:

• Positive
• Curious
• Enthusiastic
• Warm
• Helpful

Impact on communication. Your chosen attitude influences your body language, voice tone, and word choice. By consciously selecting a Really Useful Attitude, you create a more favorable environment for establishing rapport and making people like you quickly.

3. Master the Art of Synchronizing for Instant Rapport

Synchronizing is a way to make the other person become open, relaxed and happy to be with you.

Matching and mirroring techniques. Synchronize with others by subtly matching or mirroring their:

• Body language
• Voice tone and speed
• Breathing patterns
• Key words and phrases

Lead and test rapport. After synchronizing for a few minutes, make a subtle change in your behavior. If the other person follows your lead, you've established rapport. If not, continue synchronizing and try again later.

4. Communicate Effectively Through Body Language and Voice

The average person would perhaps not notice, but to the trained eye and ear there is plenty happening.

Open vs. closed body language. Be aware of the signals you're sending:

• Open: Exposed heart, uncrossed arms, leaning forward
• Closed: Protected heart, crossed arms, leaning away

Voice characteristics. Pay attention to and adjust your:

• Tone
• Volume
• Speed
• Pitch
• Rhythm

Remember that your body language and voice account for 93% of face-to-face communication, making them crucial elements in establishing rapport.

5. Engage in Meaningful Conversations with Open-Ended Questions

Questions are the spark plugs of conversation.

Open vs. closed questions. Use open-ended questions to encourage detailed responses and keep the conversation flowing:

• Open: Who? When? What? Why? Where? How?
• Closed: Are you...? Do you...? Have you...?

Location/occasion statements. Begin conversations with a statement about the shared environment or situation, followed by an open question. This technique provides common ground and encourages the other person to open up.

6. Practice Active Listening to Build Stronger Connections

Active listening is an active attempt to grasp and understand the facts and the underlying feelings of what is being said.

Demonstrate genuine interest. Show that you're listening through:

• Eye contact
• Nodding
• Leaning forward
• Verbal encouragement (e.g., "mm-hmm," "I see")

Respond to feelings. Go beyond paraphrasing by acknowledging the emotions behind the words. This deeper level of understanding fosters stronger connections and rapport.

7. Identify and Adapt to Different Sensory Preferences

To give you an idea of how sensory preferences impact on our day-to-day life, let me tell you about my own situation.

Visual, Auditory, and Kinesthetic (VAK) preferences. People tend to favor one sensory system:

• Visual (55%): Fast talkers, care about appearances
• Auditory (15%): Melodic voices, enjoy conversation
• Kinesthetic (30%): Slower speakers, focus on feelings

Adapt your communication. Once you identify a person's sensory preference, adjust your language and approach accordingly:

• Visual: Use picture words and metaphors
• Auditory: Focus on sound-related words and tone
• Kinesthetic: Employ feeling and touch-based language

8. Use Memorable Techniques to Stand Out from the Crowd

Give other people a reason to remember you, and they will.

Create a unique persona. Develop a distinctive characteristic or style that sets you apart, such as:

• A signature accessory
• A unique hairstyle
• A memorable catchphrase

Sensory-rich language. Use vivid descriptions that engage multiple senses to make your conversations more memorable and impactful.

9. Overcome Common Conversation Pitfalls and Roadblocks

Don't interrupt, and don't end other people's sentences for them, no matter how enthusiastic or impatient you might be.

Avoid conversation killers:

• Interrupting
• Finishing others' sentences
• Complaining or criticizing
• Giving one-word answers
• Monopolizing the conversation
• Looking elsewhere while talking

Handle difficult situations. When dealing with challenging personalities, always ask yourself:

1. Do I really need to deal with this person?
2. What is my desired outcome?

10. Apply the KFC Formula for Successful Communication

Know what you want. Find out what you're getting. Change what you do until you get what you want.

KFC breakdown:

• Know what you want: Clearly define your intention
• Find out what you're getting: Seek feedback
• Change what you do: Adjust your approach based on feedback

Continuous improvement. Apply this cycle to all areas of your life where you want to improve your communication and relationships. Be willing to adapt and refine your approach until you achieve your desired outcome.

Last updated: August 21, 2024