Hunt, Gather, Parent

1. Western parenting is WEIRD: isolated, exhausting, and often ineffective

"Never have mothers been so burdened by motherhood," John concludes.

Nuclear family isolation has led to increased parental stress and children's mental health issues. The Western approach to parenting, characterized as WEIRD (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic), often relies on outdated advice from doctors and "experts" with little scientific backing. This approach has resulted in:

• Erosion of extended family support systems
• Increased pressure on parents, especially mothers
• Rising rates of anxiety and depression among children and teenagers

Historical shift: The Catholic Church's marriage restrictions in the 7th century inadvertently led to the breakdown of extended families, setting the stage for today's nuclear family structure. This change has profoundly impacted how we raise children, often leaving parents feeling overwhelmed and unprepared.

2. Maya method: Integrate children into adult world, fostering helpfulness

"From day one, when they are small, you start showing them how to help," Maria tells me.

Acomedido concept: Maya parents teach children to be alert to others' needs and act accordingly. This approach fosters:

• Voluntary helpfulness
• Cooperation within the family
• Sense of belonging and purpose

Practical application: Maya parents include children in daily tasks from an early age, gradually increasing their responsibilities. This method not only teaches practical skills but also instills a sense of family unity and shared purpose.

3. Toddlers are born assistants: Nurture their innate desire to contribute

"No matter what I do, Alexa wants to do it, too," Maria says.

Innate helpfulness: Toddlers across cultures demonstrate an eagerness to assist adults. This natural inclination should be encouraged rather than discouraged. Benefits include:

• Developing a sense of competence and self-worth
• Learning practical skills through observation and imitation
• Strengthening family bonds

Western contrast: Many Western parents unintentionally discourage toddlers' attempts to help, viewing them as disruptive or inefficient. This approach can erode a child's motivation to contribute as they grow older.

4. Train cooperation by welcoming children into adult activities

"Children can really be involved in household chores way earlier and do way more than you realize."

Shift perspective: Instead of viewing children as incapable or burdensome, see them as potential contributors to family life. This approach:

• Teaches valuable life skills
• Fosters a sense of belonging and purpose
• Reduces parent-child conflict

Practical steps:

• Include children in daily chores and routines
• Allow them to observe and participate in adult activities
• Adjust expectations based on the child's age and abilities

5. Shift from child-centered to family-centered activities

"Parents don't need to know how to play with kids. If we get kids involved in adult activities, that's play for kids."

Rethink entertainment: Replace child-centered activities with family-centered ones to:

• Reduce parental stress and exhaustion
• Teach children about the adult world
• Strengthen family bonds

Examples of family-centered activities:

• Cooking meals together
• Gardening or home improvement projects
• Attending community events or volunteering
• Engaging in shared hobbies or interests

6. Minimize toys and entertainment to encourage self-sufficiency

"Remember that kids spent two hundred thousand years without these items. They don't need them at all."

Toy reduction benefits:

• Less clutter and cleanup time
• Increased creativity and problem-solving skills
• Improved focus and attention span

Alternative approach:

• Provide simple, versatile toys or household items for play
• Encourage outdoor exploration and nature-based activities
• Involve children in real-world tasks instead of relying on toys for entertainment

7. Include children in your work to strengthen family bonds

"Bring them into your world."

Work integration: Involving children in your professional life can:

• Teach valuable skills and work ethic
• Foster a sense of belonging and purpose
• Prepare them for future careers

Practical ideas:

• Bring children to your workplace when possible
• Discuss work-related topics at home
• Involve them in simple work tasks or decision-making processes
• Share your work experiences and challenges

8. Patience and consistency are key in implementing new parenting strategies

"You have to teach them slowly, little by little, and eventually they will understand."

Gradual implementation: Changing parenting approaches takes time and effort. Remember:

• Children may need time to adjust to new expectations
• Consistency is crucial for long-term success
• Patience with yourself and your children is essential

Tips for success:

• Start with small changes and gradually increase
• Communicate clearly with all family members about new expectations
• Celebrate progress and learning moments, not just perfection
• Be flexible and adapt strategies as needed

Last updated: January 22, 2025