Oh Crap! Potty Training

1. Potty Training is a Developmental Milestone, Not a Battle

"Potty training is not rocket science by any means. I can tell you what to do until I'm blue in the face, but until you decide you are committed to the process, it's not going to fly with your child."

Learning, Not War. Potty training is fundamentally about teaching a new life skill, not engaging in a power struggle. Parents must approach this milestone with patience, understanding, and a recognition that each child learns differently. It's about guiding, not forcing.

Developmental Perspective. Every child has a unique learning curve, just like walking or talking. Some children pick up skills quickly, while others require more time and support. The key is to observe, adapt, and maintain a positive, supportive attitude throughout the process.

Parental Approach:

• View potty training as a teaching opportunity
• Celebrate small progress
• Maintain emotional neutrality
• Understand that setbacks are part of learning
• Recognize your child's individual pace and style

2. Timing is Critical: The Perfect Potty Training Window

"Between twenty and thirty months is the perfect time to potty train. Trust me. It's almost freaky how much resistance you will encounter if you attempt to potty train after thirty months."

Optimal Age Range. The sweet spot for potty training is between 20 and 30 months, with 24 months being ideal. During this period, children are eager to please, capable of learning, and not yet fully entrenched in the "terrible twos" resistance phase.

Readiness Markers:

• Retreating to a private space to poop
• Ability to communicate basic needs
• Can recite the "ABC" song
• Shows awareness of bodily functions
• Demonstrates desire for independence

Developmental Considerations. Waiting too long can make potty training more challenging, as children become more set in their ways and develop stronger will. The earlier you start within the recommended window, the smoother the process tends to be.

3. Consistency and Commitment Are Your Greatest Tools

"This is a new skill you are teaching your child. Humans learn by repetition. I repeat: humans learn by repetition."

Unwavering Approach. Consistency is the cornerstone of successful potty training. Parents must commit fully to the process, maintaining a steady, calm approach without wavering or sending mixed messages.

Commitment Strategies:

• Set a definitive start date
• Clear your social calendar
• Ensure all caregivers are aligned
• Maintain a calm, neutral demeanor
• Follow through with the process

Building Routine. Children thrive on predictability and routine. By establishing clear expectations and consistently reinforcing them, parents create a supportive learning environment that makes potty training feel natural and achievable.

4. Understanding Your Child's Learning Process

"This is probably the first thing you are actively teaching and the first thing he is actively learning."

Learning Progression. Potty training follows a specific developmental timeline: from "Clueless" to "I Peed" to "I'm Peeing" to "I Have to Go Pee." Understanding this progression helps parents set realistic expectations and track progress.

Learning Blocks:

• Block One: Naked and learning basic awareness
• Block Two: Introducing clothes, commando style
• Block Three: Small outings and increasing confidence
• Block Four: Underwear and self-initiation
• Block Five: Consistent performance
• Block Six: Night training

Patience and Observation. Each child moves through these blocks at their own pace. Parents should focus on progress, not perfection, and be prepared to adapt their approach based on their child's individual learning style.

5. Naked Days and Commando Pants: The Strategic Approach

"Going commando is fine hygienically. If you find you have a strong reaction to this suggestion, ask yourself why."

Strategic Undressing. The first day of potty training involves being naked or bottomless, which allows parents to catch and redirect pee quickly. This approach helps children become aware of their bodily functions.

Commando Benefits:

• Easier to notice pee signals
• Reduces confusion with diaper-like clothing
• Increases child's awareness
• Provides immediate feedback
• Supports learning cause and effect

Clothing Transition. After the initial naked phase, children should go commando (no underwear) under loose pants, which helps them continue learning without the muscle memory associated with diapers.

6. Handling Resistance and Behavior During Potty Training

"If you are met with resistance, you must examine your own actions."

Understanding Resistance. Resistance during potty training is normal and often a result of overprompting or excessive parental anxiety. Parents must find a delicate balance between guiding and giving children space to learn.

Addressing Behavior:

• Recognize the difference between learning challenges and deliberate misbehavior
• Use small, immediate consequences for behavioral issues
• Avoid power struggles
• Maintain calm and neutral communication
• Focus on teaching, not punishing

Psychological Approach. Resistance is often a child's way of testing boundaries or expressing anxiety. Parents should respond with patience, consistency, and a focus on the child's emotional well-being.

7. Poop: The Emotional and Psychological Challenge

"Pooping is a very primal function. Our poop is a piece of us—literally—and releasing it requires privacy."

Psychological Complexity. Pooping is more emotionally challenging than peeing. Children have complex feelings about this bodily function, often related to privacy, control, and unfamiliar sensations.

Poop Training Strategies:

• Offer privacy
• Normalize the process
• Validate feelings
• Use calm, reassuring language
• Create a comfortable environment

Emotional Considerations. Children's fear or resistance to pooping can stem from various psychological factors, including anxiety about new experiences and the need for control.

8. Day Care and Caregiver Dynamics

"Many day cares say they will work with you, but you'll find later that they really won't."

Navigating Institutional Challenges. Day cares often have rigid policies that can complicate potty training. Parents must be proactive, communicative, and creative in working with caregivers.

Collaboration Strategies:

• Understand day care policies in advance
• Communicate clear expectations
• Develop consistent approaches
• Provide specific guidance
• Remain flexible and patient

Maintaining Continuity. Ensuring a consistent approach between home and day care is crucial for successful potty training.

9. Special Circumstances Require Unique Strategies

"No matter what is going on, your child deserves a healthy and normal childhood."

Individualized Approaches. Children with special needs, developmental delays, or unique circumstances require tailored potty training strategies that respect their individual capabilities.

Adaptation Principles:

• Consult medical professionals
• Be patient and flexible
• Maintain high expectations
• Adapt techniques to individual needs
• Focus on progress, not perfection

Holistic Perspective. Potty training should be viewed as part of a child's overall development, not as a standalone challenge.

10. Parents' Mindset Determines Potty Training Success

"Your energy, your vibe, your nonverbal cues are leading the show here."

Psychological Preparation. Parents' attitudes, expectations, and emotional states significantly impact potty training success. A calm, confident, and patient mindset is crucial.

Mindset Strategies:

• Trust your intuition
• Avoid external pressures
• Maintain emotional neutrality
• Celebrate small victories
• Stay committed without being rigid

Emotional Intelligence. Parents must manage their own emotions, recognizing that their anxiety or frustration can directly influence their child's learning process.

Last updated: January 22, 2025