I Want to Die but I Still Want to Eat Tteokbokki

1. Embracing imperfection: The journey of self-acceptance

"Just as a person who is dropped into a dark well must make a circle in order to determine they are inside a well, I am sure my continued attempts to be better will take shape into something resembling an octagon, or even a dodecahedron, and maybe one day a circle."

Self-acceptance is a process. The author's journey illustrates that embracing imperfection is not a linear path but a gradual evolution. Like someone in a dark well, we must explore our limitations to understand our situation fully.

Recognizing progress:

• Acknowledging small improvements
• Understanding that setbacks are part of growth
• Celebrating incremental changes in thought patterns

The metaphor of shapes evolving from an octagon to a dodecahedron and finally a circle represents the continuous refinement of self-understanding. This process involves:

• Challenging negative self-perceptions
• Developing a more nuanced view of oneself
• Learning to appreciate personal growth, however small

2. The impact of childhood experiences on mental health

"Mother clearly hated how she had passed on this part of herself to us, which was why she was always angry at our faults."

Intergenerational transmission of insecurity. The author's reflections on her mother's behavior highlight how parental insecurities can be unknowingly passed down to children, shaping their self-esteem and worldview.

This phenomenon manifests in various ways:

• Children internalizing parents' self-criticisms
• Development of anxiety and low self-confidence
• Struggle with assertiveness and self-expression in adulthood

Understanding this connection is crucial for breaking the cycle. It involves:

• Recognizing inherited patterns of negative self-talk
• Consciously working to develop a more positive self-image
• Learning to separate one's identity from parental expectations and criticisms

3. Breaking free from black-and-white thinking

"Psychiatrist: It's this behaviour that feeds into your desire to be validated. The more you want to be influenced, the more you will try to influence others, and the less someone reacts to your efforts, the more you make an effort. And then you become exhausted."

The exhaustion of extremes. Black-and-white thinking creates a cycle of seeking validation and influencing others, leading to emotional exhaustion and unfulfilling relationships.

Breaking this pattern involves:

• Recognizing the spectrum between extremes
• Accepting that most situations and people are complex and multifaceted
• Developing comfort with ambiguity and nuance

Practical steps to overcome binary thinking:

• Practice identifying shades of grey in situations
• Challenge automatic extreme thoughts with more balanced alternatives
• Seek multiple perspectives before drawing conclusions
• Embrace the idea that contradictory feelings can coexist

4. The struggle with self-esteem and its effects on relationships

"The important thing here isn't whether you are being loved, it's how you will accept the love that comes your way."

Self-esteem shapes perception of love. Low self-esteem can distort how one interprets and receives love from others, often leading to self-sabotage in relationships.

This struggle manifests in various ways:

• Difficulty accepting compliments or affection
• Constant questioning of others' motives
• Tendency to push away those who show genuine care

Improving self-esteem to enhance relationships:

• Practice self-compassion and positive self-talk
• Challenge negative beliefs about self-worth
• Learn to accept love and support without suspicion
• Focus on personal growth and self-acceptance independent of others' validation

5. Navigating the complexities of social anxiety and self-image

"I don't look pretty."

The internal struggle with appearance. This simple statement encapsulates the deep-seated insecurities many face regarding their physical appearance and how it affects their social interactions.

Social anxiety and self-image issues often intertwine:

• Excessive focus on how others perceive one's appearance
• Avoidance of social situations due to appearance-related anxiety
• Constant comparison to others, leading to feelings of inadequacy

Strategies to cope with appearance-related anxiety:

• Challenge unrealistic beauty standards
• Focus on personal qualities beyond physical appearance
• Practice self-acceptance and body positivity
• Seek support from therapists or support groups specializing in body image issues

6. The role of therapy in understanding and managing mental health

"These were all behaviours you had no awareness of until recently, and to make the realisation that you always make the same choices is, in itself, proof you're getting better."

Therapy as a mirror for self-awareness. The therapeutic process helps individuals recognize patterns in their thoughts and behaviors, which is a crucial step towards change and improvement.

Key benefits of therapy:

• Gaining insight into unconscious patterns
• Learning to identify and challenge negative thought patterns
• Developing coping strategies for managing anxiety and depression
• Creating a safe space to explore and express emotions

The journey through therapy involves:

• Building trust with the therapist
• Gradually uncovering layers of one's psyche
• Applying insights gained in therapy to real-life situations
• Celebrating small victories in self-awareness and behavioral changes

7. Finding solace in creative pursuits and personal growth

"To me, solitude is my one-bedroom apartment, underneath the blanket that fits me perfectly, beneath the sky I find myself staring at while out on a walk, a feeling of alienation that comes over me in the middle of a party."

Redefining solitude as a creative space. The author's description of solitude highlights how moments of aloneness can be transformed into opportunities for introspection and creativity.

Solitude as a catalyst for personal growth:

• Provides space for self-reflection
• Allows for uninterrupted creative expression
• Offers respite from social pressures and expectations

Harnessing solitude for personal development:

• Engage in journaling or other forms of self-expression
• Practice mindfulness to heighten self-awareness
• Use alone time to pursue hobbies and interests
• Reflect on personal goals and aspirations without external influence

8. Balancing medication and side effects in mental health treatment

"Is it possible to develop tolerance to medication?"

The delicate balance of medication. This question reflects the ongoing challenge many face in managing mental health through medication, highlighting the need for continuous dialogue with healthcare providers.

Key considerations in medication management:

• Monitoring effectiveness over time
• Addressing side effects promptly
• Adjusting dosages as needed
• Exploring alternative or complementary treatments

The medication journey often involves:

• Open communication with psychiatrists about concerns and changes
• Regular check-ins to assess overall well-being
• Educating oneself about the medication and potential side effects
• Being patient with the process of finding the right balance

9. The power of honest communication in healing relationships

"Once I told her that, I felt much better inside, and my friend was understanding."

Vulnerability fosters understanding. The author's experience demonstrates how open and honest communication can strengthen relationships and alleviate personal anxiety.

Benefits of honest communication:

• Clears up misunderstandings
• Deepens emotional connections
• Reduces internal stress and anxiety
• Allows for mutual growth and support

Steps to practice honest communication:

• Identify and acknowledge personal feelings
• Choose an appropriate time and setting for discussion
• Use "I" statements to express thoughts and emotions
• Listen actively and empathetically to the other person's perspective
• Be open to feedback and willing to compromise

10. Embracing vulnerability as a path to authentic connections

"I want to love and be loved. Without suspicion, and with ease. That's it."

Vulnerability as strength. This simple yet profound desire encapsulates the core of human connection, highlighting the importance of openness and authenticity in relationships.

The journey to authentic connections involves:

• Overcoming fear of rejection
• Learning to trust oneself and others
• Accepting imperfections in oneself and others
• Cultivating emotional intelligence and empathy

Practical steps to embrace vulnerability:

• Share personal stories and experiences with trusted individuals
• Express genuine emotions, even when it feels uncomfortable
• Ask for help when needed, rather than struggling alone
• Practice self-compassion to build inner strength and resilience
• Cultivate a support network that values authenticity and emotional honesty

Last updated: October 5, 2024