Is There Still Sex in the City?

1. Middle-aged madness: Navigating life's unexpected twists after 50

"Welcome to middle-age madness, where your career might possibly be over."

Unexpected challenges arise. As women enter their 50s and beyond, they often face a series of unexpected life changes that can lead to what the author calls "middle-aged madness" (MAM). These changes may include divorce, career setbacks, health issues, and the loss of loved ones. The combination of these events, often occurring simultaneously, can be overwhelming and disorienting.

Resilience is key. Despite the challenges, many women find ways to navigate this tumultuous period and emerge stronger. They learn to adapt to new circumstances, rediscover their passions, and forge new paths for themselves. This process often involves:

• Reassessing priorities and values
• Exploring new career opportunities or hobbies
• Building stronger support networks
• Developing a renewed sense of self

Growth through adversity. While MAM can be a difficult period, it also presents opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery. Many women find that this phase of life allows them to shed societal expectations and embrace their authentic selves, leading to increased confidence and satisfaction in their later years.

2. The changing landscape of dating in midlife: From Tinder to cubbing

"Is there still sex in the city?"

Digital dating dilemmas. The world of dating has changed dramatically for middle-aged women, with online platforms like Tinder becoming increasingly popular. However, navigating these digital spaces can be challenging and often frustrating for those who are new to the scene. The author explores the pros and cons of online dating for older women, including:

• Increased opportunities to meet potential partners
• The prevalence of ageism and unrealistic expectations
• The emotional toll of constant rejection or ghosting

Emergence of "cubbing." A new trend in midlife dating is the phenomenon of younger men pursuing older women, which the author dubs "cubbing." This dynamic challenges traditional notions of age-appropriate relationships and can be both exciting and complicated for the women involved. Considerations for those exploring cubbing include:

• Potential power imbalances
• Differing life stages and goals
• Societal judgment and family reactions

Redefining relationships. As women navigate the midlife dating scene, many are rethinking what they want from partnerships. Some are embracing casual relationships or prioritizing companionship over traditional romantic commitments. This shift reflects a broader trend of women redefining success and happiness on their own terms in their later years.

3. Redefining beauty and self-care in the age of "Madison World"

"Madison World, I called it. Located between Fifth and Park, it was an Aladdin's cave of gold and silver, of diamonds and jewel-encrusted watches, of crocodile shoes and dresses scattered with hand-embroidered crystals."

Pressure to maintain youth. The author describes the intense pressure women face to maintain a youthful appearance, particularly in affluent urban environments like New York's Upper East Side (dubbed "Madison World"). This pressure manifests in various ways:

• Expensive beauty treatments and cosmetic procedures
• High-end fashion and accessories
• Constant comparison to younger women

The cost of beauty. The pursuit of eternal youth comes at a significant financial and emotional cost. The author recounts her own experience with an expensive face cream, highlighting the vulnerability many women feel when confronted with promises of miraculous anti-aging results. This anecdote serves as a cautionary tale about the dangers of buying into unrealistic beauty standards.

Embracing authenticity. Despite the pressures of Madison World, many women are learning to embrace their age and redefine beauty on their own terms. This shift involves:

• Prioritizing health and well-being over appearance
• Cultivating self-acceptance and confidence
• Rejecting societal expectations of how older women should look and behave

4. The unexpected joys and challenges of adjacent mothering

"They say that having children makes you a better person, and, just as I'd hoped, this was happening to Max."

Stepping into a parental role. The author describes her experience of "adjacent mothering" when she agrees to host her ex-boyfriend Max and his young son for an extended visit. This unexpected foray into quasi-parenthood provides insights into the joys and challenges of raising children, even for those who have chosen not to have their own.

Learning curve. The author's experience highlights the steep learning curve involved in caring for a child, even temporarily. She grapples with:

• Balancing work and childcare responsibilities
• Navigating unfamiliar social situations (e.g., children's activities)
• Managing the emotional needs of both child and parent

Personal growth. Despite the challenges, the author finds that the experience of adjacent mothering leads to unexpected personal growth. She develops new skills, gains empathy for parents, and experiences the unique joy of contributing to a child's development and happiness.

5. Emergence of the "super middles" and redefining success

"Meet the 'super middles.' They are like they were before, but better."

A new breed of middle-agers. The author introduces the concept of "super middles" - individuals who seem to defy the traditional aging process and thrive in their later years. These people are characterized by:

• Excellent physical health and fitness
• Successful second (or third) careers
• Active social lives and romantic relationships
• A focus on personal growth and self-improvement

Redefining success. The emergence of super middles challenges traditional notions of aging and success. These individuals demonstrate that it's possible to reinvent oneself and achieve new heights of personal and professional fulfillment in midlife and beyond.

Pressure to perform. While the super middles represent an inspiring ideal, their existence can also create pressure for others to achieve similar levels of success and vitality. The author explores the potential downsides of this phenomenon, including:

• Unrealistic expectations for aging
• Increased anxiety about personal accomplishments
• The risk of overlooking the value of more traditional forms of aging and retirement

6. Confronting societal expectations and finding authenticity

"I don't think I'm going to end up with a guy who's twenty-five years younger than I am? Come on."

Challenging norms. Throughout the book, the author grapples with societal expectations for women in midlife, particularly regarding relationships, appearance, and career success. She explores the tension between conforming to these expectations and embracing one's authentic self.

The courage to be different. Many of the women featured in the book demonstrate the courage to make unconventional choices and live life on their own terms. This might involve:

• Rejecting traditional marriage or partnership models
• Pursuing new passions or careers later in life
• Embracing physical changes rather than fighting against them

Finding balance. The author suggests that the key to navigating midlife is finding a balance between societal expectations and personal desires. This often involves a process of self-reflection and prioritization, leading to a more authentic and fulfilling life.

7. The power of friendship and community in midlife transitions

"And so we did what we'd done years ago, before there were husbands and children, demanding careers and all kinds of heartbreak: We gathered together to figure it out."

Support system. The author emphasizes the crucial role that friendships play in helping women navigate the challenges of midlife. Strong female friendships provide:

• Emotional support during difficult times
• A sounding board for important decisions
• Shared experiences and understanding
• Opportunities for fun and adventure

Creating new communities. As women's lives change in midlife, many find themselves needing to build new social networks. The author describes various ways women create community, including:

• Forming groups based on shared interests or experiences (e.g., divorce support groups)
• Reconnecting with old friends
• Embracing new social opportunities through work or hobbies

Intergenerational connections. The book also explores the value of forming connections with both younger and older women, providing a broader perspective on life's challenges and opportunities.

8. Embracing change and reinvention in the second half of life

"Did I get it? Yes I nodded. I did."

Opportunity for growth. The author presents midlife as a time of potential reinvention and personal growth. Despite the challenges, many women find that this period offers unprecedented opportunities to:

• Pursue long-held dreams or passions
• Develop new skills and interests
• Redefine their identities beyond traditional roles

Embracing uncertainty. A key theme throughout the book is learning to embrace the uncertainty that comes with major life changes. The author suggests that accepting and even welcoming change can lead to unexpected positive outcomes.

Resilience and adaptation. The stories shared in the book demonstrate the remarkable resilience of women facing midlife challenges. Key strategies for successful adaptation include:

• Maintaining a sense of humor
• Cultivating flexibility and openness to new experiences
• Focusing on personal growth rather than societal expectations
• Building and maintaining strong support networks

By embracing change and viewing midlife as an opportunity for reinvention, women can find new sources of fulfillment and purpose in the second half of their lives.

Last updated: January 24, 2025