Key Takeaways
1. Time with children is precious and fleeting
You blink and the finish line is in sight. Young parents, listen to me: It. Goes. So. Fast.
Cherish every moment. As children grow, the opportunities to be present in their lives become increasingly rare. From the early years of constant demands to the teenage years of growing independence, each stage presents unique challenges and joys. Parents often find themselves torn between work commitments and the desire to attend every game, concert, and milestone event.
Guilt is a common companion. Many working parents, especially mothers, struggle with feelings of inadequacy and missed opportunities. However, it's important to recognize that quality time matters more than quantity. Being fully present and engaged during the time spent together can create lasting memories and strong bonds.
Prepare for the transition. As children approach adulthood, parents must navigate the delicate balance of providing support while allowing independence. This phase can be emotionally challenging, as the realization sets in that the daily routines and interactions that once defined family life are coming to an end.
2. Balancing career and family requires difficult choices
I was a journalist before I was a parent. It is in my bones. But while there are many people who can report the news, there is only one person on this planet who can be mother to my children.
Prioritize what matters most. For many professionals, especially those in demanding careers like journalism, the conflict between work and family is constant. It often requires making tough decisions about which events or opportunities to pursue and which to let go.
Flexibility is key. Finding ways to adapt work schedules, negotiate with employers, and create boundaries can help maintain a healthy work-life balance. This may involve:
- Taking extended leaves of absence
- Requesting flexible working hours
- Turning down assignments that conflict with important family events
Redefine success. Recognizing that success isn't solely measured by career achievements can help alleviate guilt and pressure. Finding fulfillment in both professional and personal realms often requires a shift in perspective and a willingness to make compromises.
3. Hearing loss impacts relationships and communication
Being a mother has changed which stories feel worth telling. My twenty-something self might have showed up to interview Hopko armed with the latest, coolest high-tech recorder, but she would never have pressed on the guinea pig line of questioning.
Adapt and persevere. Hearing loss can significantly affect personal and professional relationships, requiring patience and creativity to maintain effective communication. For journalists and others who rely heavily on verbal interactions, this challenge can be particularly daunting.
Embrace technology and support. Utilizing hearing aids, assistive devices, and support from family and colleagues can help overcome communication barriers. It's important to:
- Be open about hearing difficulties
- Ask for accommodations when needed
- Stay updated on advancements in hearing technology
Find new perspectives. Hearing loss can also bring unexpected benefits, such as a heightened appreciation for non-verbal cues and a deeper understanding of the importance of clear, intentional communication.
4. Strong friendships endure and evolve over time
What I find myself wanting to do in these last moments of their childhood is to go quiet and listen. To listen with no agenda, no judgment—only love.
Nurture long-term connections. Friendships formed in college or early adulthood can provide a strong support system throughout life's challenges and transitions. These relationships often evolve to become a chosen family, offering understanding and shared experiences that span decades.
Make time for connection. Despite busy schedules and geographic distances, maintaining friendships requires effort and prioritization. Regular check-ins, annual gatherings, and shared traditions can help keep bonds strong.
Embrace changing dynamics. As life circumstances change, friendships may shift in intensity or frequency of contact. However, true friends can often pick up where they left off, providing comfort and familiarity even after long absences.
5. Running connects generations and provides solace
My father taught me to be a runner. He taught me to mix a mean Manhattan. He taught me to keep going, to try my hardest, to never give up.
Find physical and emotional release. Running can serve as both a physical exercise and a form of meditation, providing an outlet for stress and a way to process complex emotions. For many, it becomes a lifelong practice that evolves with changing life circumstances.
Create family traditions. Shared activities like running can become powerful connectors across generations, creating opportunities for bonding and passing on values. These traditions can:
- Foster a sense of belonging and continuity
- Provide a framework for processing grief and loss
- Offer a way to honor loved ones who have passed
Embrace the metaphor. The act of running – putting one foot in front of the other, persevering through discomfort – can serve as a powerful metaphor for life's challenges, teaching resilience and determination.
6. Covering war zones brings both purpose and conflict
There are many ways to tell the story of a war. But one of the best is to go there, find the ordinary people whose lives have been upended, and listen.
Balance professional duty and personal risk. War correspondents often grapple with the tension between their commitment to telling important stories and the dangers inherent in conflict zones. This can be particularly challenging for parents, who must weigh professional obligations against family responsibilities.
Focus on human stories. Effective war reporting goes beyond military strategy and political maneuvering to reveal the human cost of conflict. This approach can:
- Make distant events relatable to audiences
- Highlight the universal aspects of human experience
- Inspire empathy and action
Recognize the emotional toll. Covering war and human suffering can have lasting psychological impacts. It's crucial for journalists to:
- Develop coping strategies
- Seek support when needed
- Recognize when to step back or take breaks
7. Family dynamics shift as children become adults
James had scored the goal of his life, a goal he would never forget—and I had once again failed to show up.
Navigate changing roles. As children grow into adults, parents must adapt to new dynamics, finding ways to support and connect without overstepping boundaries. This transition can be both exciting and challenging, requiring flexibility and open communication.
Accept missed moments. Despite best efforts, parents will inevitably miss some important events in their children's lives. It's crucial to:
- Forgive oneself for these absences
- Focus on being present when possible
- Find alternative ways to show support and interest
Embrace new forms of connection. As children become more independent, relationships with parents often evolve into more adult friendships. This can bring new joys and opportunities for deeper understanding and appreciation.
8. Marriage can end, but parental love endures
I sense that everything—everything as I know it—is about to change.
Face change with courage. The end of a long-term marriage can be devastating, especially when it coincides with other major life transitions. It requires strength to navigate the emotional turmoil while maintaining stability for children.
Prioritize co-parenting. Despite the pain of separation, focusing on the well-being of children can provide:
- A sense of purpose and continuity
- A framework for cooperation with an ex-spouse
- An opportunity to model resilience and healthy coping strategies
Redefine family. As family structures change, it's important to:
- Maintain open communication with children
- Create new traditions and routines
- Emphasize that love remains constant, even as circumstances change
Last updated:
FAQ
What's "It. Goes. So. Fast.: The Year of No Do-Overs" about?
- Author's Journey: The book is a memoir by Mary Louise Kelly, chronicling a pivotal year in her life as she balances her demanding career as a journalist with her role as a mother to two teenage sons.
- Themes of Time and Change: It explores themes of time, change, and the bittersweet nature of watching children grow up, emphasizing the idea of "no do-overs" in parenting.
- Personal and Professional Conflict: Kelly shares her internal conflict between her professional ambitions and her desire to be present for her sons during their final years at home.
- Reflection and Growth: The narrative is a reflection on personal growth, the challenges of work-life balance, and the importance of cherishing fleeting moments with loved ones.
Why should I read "It. Goes. So. Fast.: The Year of No Do-Overs"?
- Relatable Parenting Insights: The book offers relatable insights into the challenges and joys of parenting, especially for working parents trying to balance career and family.
- Emotional and Thought-Provoking: Kelly's candid storytelling evokes a range of emotions, prompting readers to reflect on their own lives and priorities.
- Inspiration for Work-Life Balance: It provides inspiration and practical advice for those struggling to find a balance between professional responsibilities and personal life.
- Engaging Writing Style: Kelly's engaging writing style, combined with her journalistic background, makes for a compelling and thought-provoking read.
What are the key takeaways of "It. Goes. So. Fast.: The Year of No Do-Overs"?
- Cherish the Present: The book emphasizes the importance of cherishing the present moment, especially with family, as time passes quickly and opportunities for connection are fleeting.
- Work-Life Balance: It highlights the ongoing struggle to balance professional ambitions with personal responsibilities, encouraging readers to prioritize what truly matters.
- Embrace Change: Kelly's journey illustrates the inevitability of change and the need to adapt and grow through life's transitions.
- Value of Reflection: The memoir underscores the value of reflection and introspection in understanding one's priorities and making meaningful life choices.
How does Mary Louise Kelly balance her career and family in "It. Goes. So. Fast."?
- Intentional Choices: Kelly makes intentional choices to prioritize her family, such as taking leave from her job to attend her sons' soccer games.
- Struggle and Sacrifice: She candidly shares the struggles and sacrifices involved in balancing her demanding career with her desire to be present for her children.
- Support System: The book highlights the importance of a support system, including friends and family, in managing the demands of work and family life.
- Reflection and Adaptation: Kelly reflects on her experiences and adapts her approach to find a balance that aligns with her values and priorities.
What are the best quotes from "It. Goes. So. Fast." and what do they mean?
- "It. Goes. So. Fast.": This phrase encapsulates the central theme of the book, emphasizing the fleeting nature of time and the importance of savoring moments with loved ones.
- "The year of no do-overs": This quote highlights the urgency Kelly feels to be present for her sons during their final year at home, as there are no second chances in parenting.
- "Love isn’t the absence of struggle. Love is struggle.": This quote reflects the idea that love requires effort and perseverance, especially in relationships and parenting.
- "You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories.": This quote, inspired by Anne Lamott, encourages embracing one's experiences and sharing them authentically.
How does Mary Louise Kelly's career as a journalist influence her perspective in "It. Goes. So. Fast."?
- Storytelling Skills: Kelly's background as a journalist enhances her storytelling skills, allowing her to convey her experiences with clarity and depth.
- Insight into Work-Life Conflict: Her career provides insight into the work-life conflict many professionals face, as she navigates the demands of journalism alongside family responsibilities.
- Analytical Reflection: Kelly's journalistic training encourages analytical reflection, prompting her to examine her life choices and their impact on her family.
- Public and Private Balance: The book explores the balance between her public role as a journalist and her private role as a mother, highlighting the challenges of managing both.
What role do Kelly's sons play in "It. Goes. So. Fast."?
- Central Figures: Kelly's sons, James and Alexander, are central figures in the memoir, as their growth and milestones drive the narrative.
- Motivation for Change: Their impending departure for college motivates Kelly to reassess her priorities and make changes to be more present in their lives.
- Source of Reflection: Interactions with her sons prompt Kelly to reflect on her parenting choices and the passage of time, leading to personal growth.
- Emotional Connection: The book captures the deep emotional connection between Kelly and her sons, illustrating the joys and challenges of motherhood.
How does "It. Goes. So. Fast." address the theme of change?
- Life Transitions: The book addresses life transitions, such as children growing up and leaving home, and the emotional impact of these changes.
- Adaptation and Growth: Kelly emphasizes the need to adapt and grow through change, finding new ways to connect with loved ones and pursue personal goals.
- Embracing the Unknown: The narrative encourages embracing the unknown and being open to new experiences, even when they are challenging or unexpected.
- Reflection on Past and Future: Kelly reflects on her past choices and considers her future, highlighting the continuous nature of change and the importance of being present.
What challenges does Mary Louise Kelly face in "It. Goes. So. Fast."?
- Balancing Career and Family: Kelly faces the challenge of balancing her demanding career as a journalist with her desire to be present for her sons during their final year at home.
- Navigating Change: She navigates significant life changes, including her sons' impending departure for college and the evolving dynamics of her family.
- Personal Reflection: The memoir involves deep personal reflection, as Kelly examines her life choices and their impact on her relationships and priorities.
- Emotional Struggles: Kelly candidly shares her emotional struggles, including feelings of guilt, regret, and the bittersweet nature of watching her children grow up.
How does "It. Goes. So. Fast." explore the concept of time?
- Fleeting Moments: The book explores the concept of time as fleeting, emphasizing the importance of savoring moments with loved ones before they pass.
- Urgency and Reflection: Kelly feels a sense of urgency to be present for her sons, prompting reflection on how she spends her time and what truly matters.
- Past, Present, Future: The narrative weaves together reflections on the past, experiences in the present, and considerations for the future, highlighting the continuous flow of time.
- No Do-Overs: The concept of "no do-overs" underscores the idea that time cannot be reclaimed, encouraging readers to make the most of each moment.
What lessons does Mary Louise Kelly learn in "It. Goes. So. Fast."?
- Prioritizing Family: Kelly learns the importance of prioritizing family and being present for her sons during their final year at home.
- Embracing Change: She learns to embrace change and adapt to new circumstances, finding growth and meaning in life's transitions.
- Letting Go of Perfection: The memoir highlights the lesson of letting go of perfection and accepting that not everything can be controlled or planned.
- Value of Reflection: Kelly learns the value of reflection and introspection in understanding her priorities and making meaningful life choices.
How does "It. Goes. So. Fast." resonate with readers?
- Relatable Experiences: The book resonates with readers through its relatable experiences of parenting, work-life balance, and the passage of time.
- Emotional Connection: Kelly's candid storytelling creates an emotional connection, prompting readers to reflect on their own lives and relationships.
- Inspiration and Insight: The memoir offers inspiration and insight for those navigating similar challenges, encouraging readers to cherish the present and embrace change.
- Universal Themes: The themes of love, family, and personal growth are universal, making the book relevant and meaningful to a wide audience.
Review Summary
"It. Goes. So. Fast." receives mixed reviews, with some praising Kelly's honesty about balancing work and family, while others criticize her privilege and lack of focus on parenting. Many readers appreciate her reflections on motherhood and career, but some feel the book strays from its promised premise. Kelly's writing style and storytelling are generally well-received, though some find her perspective difficult to relate to. The book's exploration of work-life balance and the fleeting nature of childhood resonates with many parents, despite its limitations.
Similar Books
Download PDF
Download EPUB
.epub digital book format is ideal for reading ebooks on phones, tablets, and e-readers.