Letter to My Daughter

1. Home is an Internal Compass, Not a Place

I believe that one can never leave home.

Home's Enduring Influence. Home isn't just a physical location; it's a deeply ingrained part of who we are. The experiences, dreams, fears, and lessons learned in our formative years stay with us, shaping our perspectives and influencing our actions throughout life. It's the foundation upon which we build our identities.

Internal Sanctuary. As children, we create a personal space within ourselves where we feel safe and in control. This internal "home" becomes a refuge we can always return to, regardless of our physical location or circumstances. It's a place where we truly belong and can reconnect with our authentic selves.

Growing Old, Not Up. Many people mistake aging for growing up, but true growth involves more than just accumulating years. The child within us remains, innocent and vulnerable. Returning to our internal "home" allows us to reconnect with that inner child and find solace in a world that often demands sophistication and worldliness.

2. Charity Begins with a Smile and Kind Words

That day, I learned that I could be a giver by simply bringing a smile to another person.

Beyond Monetary Gifts. Charity isn't limited to grand gestures or large donations. Simple acts of kindness, like offering a smile or a kind word, can have a profound impact on others. These small gestures can bring joy, repair injured feelings, and make a real difference in someone's day.

The Power of Gestures. The author's grandmother taught her the importance of dignity and how to carry herself with grace. Even a simple smile can be a charitable gift, demonstrating care and support for others. It's about recognizing the humanity in everyone and offering what you can, whether it's tangible or intangible.

Charity in Action. The author learned from her mother that even a forced smile for strangers could be a gift. Over time, she realized that a kind word or a vote of support could also be charitable acts. By being mindful of our actions and words, we can all be givers, regardless of our financial resources.

3. Revelations Can Be Found in Unexpected Beginnings

The birth of my son caused me to develop enough courage to invent my life.

Turning Points. Life's most significant revelations often arise from unexpected or challenging circumstances. What might seem like a setback or a mistake can actually be the catalyst for profound personal growth and self-discovery.

Embracing Courage. The author's experience of becoming pregnant as a teenager led her to invent her life. The birth of her son gave her the courage to take control of her destiny and create a fulfilling future for herself and her child.

Love and Self-Discovery. The author learned to love her son without possessiveness and to teach him to teach himself. This experience transformed her, allowing her to develop into the person she was meant to be. The revelation was that a seemingly difficult event became the greatest day of her life.

4. Motherhood is a Journey of Shared Strength

There is no reason to ruin three lives; our family is going to have a wonderful baby.

Family Support. The support of family, especially a strong mother figure, can be transformative during challenging times. A mother's love and guidance can provide the strength and courage needed to overcome obstacles and build a fulfilling life.

Fearless Grandmothers. The author's mother, a registered nurse, took charge during her labor and delivery, providing both physical and emotional support. Her mother's fearless and doting presence made the author proud and helped her embrace motherhood without regret.

Unconditional Love. The author's mother's acceptance and support allowed her to become proud of herself. This experience highlights the power of unconditional love and the importance of having a devoted family to help navigate the challenges of life.

5. Prayer is a Powerful Response to Life's Trials

Baby, somebody’s prayers were answered.

Finding Solace. In moments of extreme adversity, prayer can provide solace, strength, and a sense of hope. It can be a way to connect with something larger than ourselves and find the courage to persevere.

Answered Prayers. The author's life was saved through a series of seemingly random events, which she attributes to answered prayers. The actions of strangers, combined with her mother's determination, led to her rescue from a violent situation.

Faith and Resilience. The author's experience demonstrates the power of faith and the importance of never giving up hope. Even in the darkest of times, prayer can be a source of strength and a reminder that we are not alone.

6. Honesty, Though Uncomfortable, is Liberating

It is wonderfully liberating to be honest.

Social Lies. We often engage in "social lies" to keep the peace and avoid uncomfortable truths. While these lies may seem harmless, they can prevent us from having authentic connections and living genuine lives.

The Courage to Speak Truth. It takes courage to be honest, especially when it means challenging societal norms or risking disapproval. However, honesty is ultimately liberating, allowing us to express ourselves authentically and build stronger relationships.

Truthful Living. The author encourages us to have the nerve to answer truthfully when asked, "How are you?" While some people may avoid us because they don't want to hear about our struggles, those who remain will be true friends. Honesty allows us to live more authentically and find deeper connections with others.

7. True Art Transcends Vulgarity and Violence

When they heap mud upon themselves and allow their tongues to wag with vulgarity, they expose their belief that they are not worth loving and in fact are unlovable.

The Essence of Art. True art should uplift and inspire, not degrade or demean. When entertainers resort to vulgarity and coarseness, they reveal their own insecurities and lack of self-worth.

Moral Responsibility. As an audience, we have a responsibility to reject obscenity and demand higher standards from our entertainers. By indulging in profanity, we participate in the humiliation of the performers and lower ourselves in the process.

Elevating Standards. We need to have the courage to call out vulgarity and violence, and to admire and emulate characters who embody positive qualities. By setting higher standards for ourselves and our entertainment, we can create a more uplifting and inspiring culture.

8. Independence Requires Wisdom and Self-Reliance

Independence is a heady draft, and if you drink it in your youth it can have the same effect on the brain as young wine.

The Allure of Independence. Independence is a powerful force, especially for young people. However, it's important to balance self-reliance with wisdom and guidance from others.

Mother's Wisdom. The author's mother encouraged her independence but also provided valuable wisdom and support. She understood the importance of self-reliance but also recognized the need for guidance and mentorship.

Balancing Act. The author's experience demonstrates the importance of finding a balance between independence and seeking advice from trusted sources. While self-reliance is valuable, it's equally important to be open to learning from others and accepting help when needed.

9. Cultural Understanding Requires Humility

In an unfamiliar culture, it is wise to offer no innovations, no suggestions, or lessons.

Respecting Differences. When encountering unfamiliar cultures, it's crucial to approach with humility and respect. Avoid imposing your own values or beliefs on others, and instead, focus on learning and understanding their customs and traditions.

The Coffee Incident. The author's experience in Morocco taught her a valuable lesson about cultural sensitivity. Her initial judgment of the men's living conditions and her reaction to the coffee offering revealed her own ignorance and lack of understanding.

Embracing Simplicity. The author learned that the epitome of sophistication is utter simplicity. By being open to new experiences and avoiding judgment, we can gain a deeper appreciation for the richness and diversity of human culture.

10. Gratitude is a Shield Against Life's Insecurities

Stormy or sunny days, glorious or lonely nights, I maintain an attitude of gratitude.

Overcoming Insecurity. Despite achieving great success, the author still grapples with insecurity and self-doubt. However, she has learned to combat these feelings by focusing on gratitude.

Counting Blessings. By writing down her blessings, the author is able to shift her focus from her fears and insecurities to the positive aspects of her life. This practice helps her to maintain a sense of perspective and appreciate all that she has.

Maintaining Perspective. The author's experience demonstrates the power of gratitude to overcome adversity and maintain a positive outlook. By focusing on our blessings, we can find strength and resilience in the face of life's challenges.

11. Friendship Can Emerge from Unexpected Encounters

I learned that a friend may be waiting behind a stranger’s face.

Serendipitous Connections. Friendships can arise from the most unexpected circumstances. Being open to new experiences and connections can lead to the discovery of valuable relationships.

The Quiche Lorraine Incident. The author's mistaken identity led to a chance encounter with Marilyn Marshall, who became a close friend and provided invaluable support to her brother. This experience demonstrates the power of serendipity and the importance of being open to new connections.

The Value of Strangers. The author learned that a friend may be waiting behind a stranger's face. By embracing unexpected encounters and being open to new relationships, we can enrich our lives and find support in unexpected places.

12. Courage is the Foundation of All Virtues

Of all your attributes, youth, beauty, wit, kindness, mercy, courage is your greatest achievement.

Essential Virtue. Courage is the most important of all virtues, as it enables us to practice all other virtues with consistency. Without courage, we cannot stand up for what is right, overcome our fears, or pursue our dreams.

Overcoming Fear. The author's life has been marked by numerous challenges and obstacles, but she has always found the courage to persevere. Her experiences demonstrate the power of courage to overcome adversity and achieve great things.

Transforming the World. The author encourages us to use our courage to make a difference in the world. By standing up for justice, fighting against inequality, and pursuing our passions, we can create a better future for ourselves and others.

Last updated: February 12, 2025