Loud

1. Embrace Your Authentic Self, Loudly

I want them to know there are consequences to treating people in ways that are harmful or problematic on a public platform, and so that’s what I like to think of myself as: a tangible consequence.

Authenticity as a superpower. The author's journey began with embracing her true self, flaws and all, and using her unique voice to challenge misogyny. This authenticity resonated with millions, proving that being genuine is more powerful than trying to fit in. It's about owning your quirks, your passions, and your opinions, even if they're not universally popular.

• Being yourself attracts your tribe.
• Authenticity is magnetic.
• Your unique voice is your power.

Loudness as a form of resistance. The author's unapologetic loudness is a deliberate act of defiance against a world that often silences women. It's about taking up space, making your voice heard, and refusing to be diminished. It's not about being obnoxious, but about being present and impactful.

• Loudness challenges the status quo.
• It demands attention and respect.
• It empowers others to speak up.

Self-acceptance as a foundation. Embracing your authentic self starts with self-acceptance. It's about loving yourself, flaws and all, and recognizing that your worth is not determined by external validation. It's about being your own best friend and cheerleader.

• Self-love is the foundation of confidence.
• You are enough, just as you are.
• Your worth is inherent, not earned.

2. Misogyny is a System, Not Just Bad Men

For every man who’s had a meltdown after being faced with even 0.0001 percent of the shit that the rest of us have to face every day, there’s someone like the woman who came up to me on a beach in Mexico with tears in her eyes to share that she was wearing a bathing suit for the first time in her life because of my content defending fat and plus-size women.

Systemic oppression. Misogyny is not just about individual bad men; it's a deeply ingrained system that perpetuates inequality and harm. It's about the structures, beliefs, and practices that keep women and femmes in a subordinate position.

• It's a system that benefits men.
• It's a system that pits women against each other.
• It's a system that is constantly evolving.

The patriarchy's insidious nature. The patriarchy operates by creating arbitrary rules and expectations that punish women and brainwash them into upholding these harmful beliefs. It's about controlling women's bodies, voices, and choices.

• It starts early, with gendered expectations for babies.
• It's reinforced by media, culture, and social norms.
• It's designed to keep women in their place.

Challenging the status quo. Recognizing misogyny as a system is the first step toward dismantling it. It's about questioning the status quo, challenging harmful beliefs, and creating a more equitable world for all.

• It requires collective action.
• It requires education and awareness.
• It requires a willingness to challenge power.

3. Pick-Me Behavior is a Trap, Not a Strategy

If your approach to connecting with anyone, not just men, is based on superiority, then it will never provide a stable foundation for a meaningful relationship of any kind.

Seeking male validation. Pick-me behavior is rooted in the desire for male approval, leading women to prioritize men's feelings and opinions over their own. It's about trying to be "not like other girls" in order to gain male attention.

• It's a form of internalized misogyny.
• It's a competition for male approval.
• It's a self-defeating strategy.

The "cool girl" myth. The "cool girl" is a construct created by men, and perpetuated by women, who believe that being agreeable and undemanding is the key to male affection. It's a performance that requires women to suppress their true selves.

• It's a performance, not reality.
• It's a trap that keeps women from being authentic.
• It's a way for men to control women.

Breaking free from the trap. Recognizing pick-me behavior is the first step toward breaking free from it. It's about prioritizing your own needs and desires, and building relationships based on mutual respect and equality.

• It requires self-awareness and honesty.
• It requires a willingness to challenge the status quo.
• It requires embracing female solidarity.

4. Trust and Support are the Bedrock of Relationships

The greatest gift you can give anyone, but especially a young person, is trust.

Unconditional love and support. The author's family provided a foundation of unconditional love and support, which allowed her to grow into the confident woman she is today. This kind of support is essential for anyone to thrive.

• It's about being there for each other, no matter what.
• It's about celebrating each other's successes.
• It's about offering a safe space to be vulnerable.

The importance of mentorship. Mentorship, whether from family, friends, or mentors, is crucial for navigating life's challenges. It's about having people who believe in you, guide you, and hold you accountable.

• It's about passing on wisdom and experience.
• It's about empowering others to reach their full potential.
• It's about creating a community of support.

Trust as a foundation. Trust is the bedrock of any healthy relationship, whether it's with family, friends, or romantic partners. It's about being able to be vulnerable, honest, and authentic with the people you care about.

• It's about believing in each other.
• It's about respecting each other's boundaries.
• It's about creating a safe space for growth.

5. Body Neutrality is Freedom, Not Complacency

I want to embody the idea that it’s more than enough for my body to simply keep me happy and thriving.

Beyond body positivity. Body neutrality is about accepting your body as it is, without assigning it a positive or negative value. It's about recognizing that your worth is not determined by your physical appearance.

• It's about appreciating your body for what it does.
• It's about freeing yourself from the pressure to conform.
• It's about focusing on your inner self.

Challenging beauty standards. The author challenges the narrow beauty standards that are often imposed on women, particularly women of color. It's about recognizing that beauty is subjective and that all bodies are worthy of respect.

• It's about rejecting Eurocentric beauty ideals.
• It's about celebrating diversity.
• It's about creating a more inclusive world.

Focus on inner worth. Body neutrality is about shifting your focus from your physical appearance to your inner qualities. It's about valuing your thoughts, feelings, and actions, and recognizing that your worth is not determined by your looks.

• It's about prioritizing your mental and emotional health.
• It's about cultivating self-compassion.
• It's about living a life that is true to yourself.

6. It's Okay to Be Mean, Sometimes

I am mean. I have all the capability in the world to be mean, just like everyone else. What I think matters most, and what is a true measure of integrity, is how we choose to use it.

Reclaiming "mean." The author reclaims the word "mean" as a tool for self-defense and empowerment. It's about refusing to be polite or accommodating to those who are disrespectful or harmful.

• It's about setting boundaries.
• It's about protecting yourself and others.
• It's about challenging power.

Strategic meanness. Being mean is not about being cruel or malicious, but about being strategic and intentional. It's about using your voice and your actions to challenge injustice and hold people accountable.

• It's about being direct and honest.
• It's about refusing to be silenced.
• It's about using your power for good.

Prioritizing safety. The author emphasizes that safety should always be the top priority. It's about knowing when to be mean and when to walk away. It's about protecting yourself and others from harm.

• It's about trusting your instincts.
• It's about knowing your limits.
• It's about being prepared to defend yourself.

7. You Are Worthy, With or Without a Partner

I’d literally rather die happy and alone than die unhappily partnered.

Self-sufficiency and independence. The author emphasizes the importance of self-sufficiency and independence, particularly for women. It's about knowing that you are complete and whole on your own, and that you don't need a partner to validate your worth.

• It's about prioritizing your own needs and desires.
• It's about building a life that is fulfilling and meaningful.
• It's about being your own best friend.

Choosing partnership, not needing it. The author's relationship with her boyfriend, Pili, is based on mutual respect and equality. It's about choosing to be with someone because you want to, not because you need to.

• It's about finding a partner who celebrates your individuality.
• It's about building a relationship based on trust and support.
• It's about choosing love, not settling for less.

The power of being alone. The author embraces the idea of dying alone, not out of fear or sadness, but out of a sense of self-sufficiency and empowerment. It's about knowing that you are enough, with or without a romantic partner.

• It's about finding joy in your own company.
• It's about building a life that is true to yourself.
• It's about being free from the pressure to conform.

8. Redefine Success on Your Own Terms

If through my content I’ve helped even one person gain more confidence and empowered them to leave a shitty situation they were in—which I believe I have, based on the testimonies I’ve received from so many of you—then I’m satisfied.

Beyond traditional metrics. The author challenges the traditional metrics of success, which often prioritize wealth, status, and power. It's about defining success on your own terms, based on your values and goals.

• It's about prioritizing impact over income.
• It's about finding meaning in your work.
• It's about living a life that is aligned with your purpose.

Impact over recognition. The author's focus is on making a positive impact on the world, rather than seeking recognition or validation. It's about using your platform to empower others and challenge injustice.

• It's about being a force for good.
• It's about creating a ripple effect of positive change.
• It's about leaving the world a better place.

Continuous growth and evolution. The author emphasizes that life is a journey of continuous growth and evolution. It's about embracing change, learning from your mistakes, and always striving to become a better version of yourself.

• It's about being open to new experiences.
• It's about being patient with yourself.
• It's about never giving up on your dreams.

Last updated: February 3, 2025