Managing Leadership Anxiety

1. Anxiety is a signal, not the root cause

Anxiety is a signal, not a root cause. It is a siren that a storm might be coming; it is not the storm itself.

Anxiety as an early detection system. Anxiety often serves as a warning sign that something is getting in the way of our well-being. It can be triggered when we believe we need something in a particular moment that we don't actually need. By recognizing anxiety as a signal, we can use it to our advantage:

• Identify the source of anxiety
• Address underlying issues
• Prevent anxiety from controlling our actions

Managing anxiety through awareness. The goal is not to eliminate anxiety entirely, but to manage it effectively. This involves:

• Noticing physiological signs of anxiety (racing mind, rapid heartbeat, tightening gut)
• Naming the specific source of anxiety
• Developing strategies to intervene early
• Using anxiety as a tool for growth and self-awareness

By reframing anxiety as a helpful signal rather than an enemy to be defeated, leaders can harness its power to become more effective and self-aware.

2. The gap between not knowing and needing to act

Leadership is almost always intuitive because leadership situations are fluid and dynamic. Most of the time we don't exactly know what to do. We end up with a gap between not knowing what to do and needing to do something.

The leadership gap. Leaders often find themselves in situations where they don't have all the information or certainty, yet they must act. This gap between uncertainty and action is where true leadership emerges. It's in this space that:

• Leaders are tested and grow
• Creativity and intuition come into play
• The ability to manage anxiety becomes crucial

Navigating the gap. To effectively lead in this space:

• Embrace uncertainty as a normal part of leadership
• Develop comfort with ambiguity
• Cultivate intuition through experience and reflection
• Practice making decisions with incomplete information
• Learn to communicate confidence even in uncertain situations

By recognizing and embracing this gap, leaders can develop the skills necessary to navigate complex and dynamic environments effectively.

3. Identifying and dethroning idols and childhood vows

An idol is anything other than Jesus that you must have to be okay.

Understanding idols and vows. Idols are things we believe we need to be okay, while childhood vows are promises we make to ourselves based on early experiences. Both can significantly impact our leadership and relationships:

• Idols: Examples include the need for approval, success, or control
• Childhood vows: Often formed in response to pain or neglect

Breaking free from idols and vows. To grow as leaders and individuals:

1. Identify your idols and vows
2. Recognize how they impact your behavior and decisions
3. Challenge these beliefs by comparing them to the truth of God's love and acceptance
4. Develop new, healthier patterns of thinking and behaving
5. Practice vulnerability and openness with trusted others

By addressing these deep-seated beliefs and patterns, leaders can experience greater freedom and authenticity in their roles and relationships.

4. The power of process over content in leadership

A leader who pays attention to a system isn't so much concerned with the content of what is said, but rather the process of how people are relating and behaving.

Process-focused leadership. Effective leaders learn to pay attention not just to what is being said (content), but how people are interacting and behaving (process). This approach allows leaders to:

• Identify and address underlying issues in team dynamics
• Break through chronic patterns that keep teams stuck
• Create systemic change that leads to healthier organizations

Implementing process-focused leadership:

1. Observe patterns of interaction in your team or organization
2. Look for recurring dynamics that may be hindering progress
3. Address the process issues rather than just the surface content
4. Use techniques like reframing and prescribing the problem to break stuck patterns
5. Cultivate a nonanxious presence to help others navigate change

By focusing on process, leaders can create lasting change and healthier organizational cultures.

5. Differentiation: Being yourself while staying connected

Differentiation is the courage to lead people to a difficult place while still being deeply connected.

Understanding differentiation. Differentiation is the ability to maintain a strong sense of self while remaining connected to others, even in the face of pressure or anxiety. It allows leaders to:

• Stay true to their convictions without becoming detached
• Remain connected to others without being overly influenced by them
• Navigate difficult situations with clarity and purpose

Cultivating differentiation:

1. Develop a clear sense of your own values and beliefs
2. Practice staying connected to others even when they disagree with you
3. Learn to manage your own anxiety in high-pressure situations
4. Resist the urge to either disconnect or become enmeshed with others
5. Communicate your position clearly while remaining open to others' perspectives

Differentiated leaders are able to guide their teams through challenging situations while maintaining strong, healthy relationships.

6. Genograms: Understanding family patterns and their impact

A genogram is about understanding what you're holding and what is holding you in your family system.

The power of genograms. Genograms are visual representations of family systems that help leaders understand:

• Inherited patterns of behavior and thinking
• Unresolved family issues that may impact leadership
• Strengths and resilience passed down through generations

Creating and using genograms:

1. Map out your family tree, including key relationships and events
2. Identify recurring patterns, roles, and dynamics
3. Reflect on how these patterns may influence your leadership style
4. Share your genogram with trusted others for additional insights
5. Use the insights gained to make conscious choices about your leadership

By understanding their family systems, leaders can break free from unhealthy patterns and leverage their inherited strengths.

7. Verbatims: Gaining self-awareness in leadership encounters

A verbatim offers a leader the rare gift of being able to revisit a leadership encounter to learn from it and grow for the next one.

Using verbatims for growth. Verbatims are detailed written accounts of specific leadership encounters that allow leaders to:

• Examine their thoughts, feelings, and reactions in challenging situations
• Identify triggers and assumptions that may hinder effectiveness
• Develop greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence

Creating and learning from verbatims:

1. Choose a significant leadership encounter to document
2. Write out the dialogue and your internal thoughts/feelings as accurately as possible
3. Reflect on what you notice about your reactions and assumptions
4. Share the verbatim with trusted peers or mentors for feedback
5. Identify areas for growth and create action plans for future encounters

Regular use of verbatims can dramatically increase a leader's self-awareness and effectiveness over time.

8. Creating a culture of vulnerability and wholeness

The vision for this model of leadership is a culture where people can bring their whole selves and hold one another's vulnerability in a caring way, where we can name and move through our shadows, vows, and anxieties to be more fully present to one another and to God.

Building a culture of wholeness. This approach to leadership aims to create environments where:

• People feel safe to be vulnerable and authentic
• Team members support each other's growth and healing
• Shadows, anxieties, and past wounds are acknowledged and addressed
• Individuals can bring their full selves to their work and relationships

Steps to foster this culture:

1. Model vulnerability and authenticity as a leader
2. Create safe spaces for sharing and processing
3. Encourage open communication about challenges and struggles
4. Implement tools like genograms and verbatims at the organizational level
5. Celebrate growth and transformation in individuals and teams

By cultivating this kind of culture, organizations can tap into the full potential of their people and create lasting, positive change.

Last updated: January 22, 2025