Mentor

1. Embrace your physical realities with humor and self-acceptance

Like being Indian, being chubby feels like it is just part of my permanent deal.

Embracing physical realities. Mindy Kaling has spent her entire life navigating the world as a self-described "chubby" person who is completely devoid of athletic talent. Rather than viewing these traits as tragic flaws to be corrected through extreme measures, she treats them as permanent, humorous fixtures of her identity. This lighthearted self-acceptance shields her from the toxic pressures of diet culture and the trauma of childhood bullying.

The athletic aversion. Her childhood was marked by a series of hilarious athletic failures, from freezing on a high diving board at Morses Pond to getting her brother's cousin to disown her after a rope-climbing fiasco. These experiences cemented a lifelong, rationalized hatred for physical exertion, sports, and outdoor activities like hiking or Frisbee.

• Learning to ride a bike at the late age of twelve by closing her eyes out of fear.
• Getting stuck at the top of a climbing rope at age five and needing a ladder rescue.
• Falling lifelessly off a high dive because a teenage counselor refused to let her climb down.

A healthy perspective. Ultimately, Kaling's relationship with her body is defined by happiness rather than deprivation. While she enjoys trying out trendy diets as a hobby, she refuses to let societal expectations dictate her self-worth. She proves that you can be successful, desirable, and content without conforming to the unrealistic standards of Hollywood.

2. Do not worry about peaking in high school

What I’ve noticed is that almost no one who was a big star in high school is also big star later in life.

The wallflower advantage. Kaling strongly advises teenage girls to ignore the pressure to be popular, athletic, or socially dominant during their high school years. Peaking early often leads to a lifetime of looking backward, whereas being an overlooked wallflower allows you to develop essential life skills. For Kaling, being ignored was a blessing in disguise that fueled her creative growth.

Observational comedy roots. Because she was largely ignored by the popular crowd, she spent her high school years observing human behavior like a scientist. This quiet, studious lifestyle kept her out of trouble and allowed her to analyze the social dynamics around her.

• Sitting next to the class clown to study him rather than trying to be him.
• Spending weeknights doing homework and hanging out with family instead of partying.
• Developing a deep, observational database that would later fuel her professional writing career.

Rejecting false narratives. She rejects the romanticized, idle lifestyle celebrated in pop culture anthems like "Jack and Diane." Instead, she champions the hardworking, studious teenagers who focus on their futures. High school is merely the prelude; the real thrill of living begins long after graduation.

3. True friendship is built on shared passions, not superficial popularity

One friend with whom you have a lot in common is better than three with whom you struggle to find things to talk about.

Quality over quantity. During her freshman year of high school, Kaling navigated a strict social divide between her superficial "posse" (JLMP) and her secret, Saturday-only friend, Mavis. While her official group focused on exclusive best-friend gear and gossiping at the Cheesecake Factory, her bond with Mavis was rooted in a deep, shared love for comedy.

The turning point. The fragility of superficial friendships became clear when Kaling's posse failed to appreciate the comedy sketches she loved. This realization forced her to choose between the exhausting maintenance of a popular clique and the effortless joy of a genuine connection.

• Realizing her popular friends found Monty Python boring and confusing.
• Choosing to spend Friday nights filming silly home videos with Mavis instead of gossiping.
• Experiencing the sting of being left out by her old posse, only to feel a profound sense of relief.

The lasting impact. True friendships do not require matching bracelets or constant validation; they simply exist. Although Kaling and Mavis eventually drifted apart in college, the relationship shaped Kaling's identity and taught her to surround herself with people who share her passions.

4. Embrace the struggle of unglamorous day jobs and early failures

I was jobless, but so were Brenda and Jocelyn.

The post-college reality. Moving to New York City after college is often romanticized, but Kaling's early twenties were defined by financial desperation, terrible apartments, and constant professional rejection. Alongside her best friends, she lived in a cramped, cockroach-infested railroad apartment in Brooklyn, struggling to find her footing in the entertainment industry.

Unglamorous survival gigs. To pay her rent, Kaling took on a series of bizarre and unglamorous day jobs that tested her sanity but enriched her perspective. From babysitting wealthy children to working for a television psychic, these experiences taught her how to connect with people from all walks of life.

• Babysitting rich kids and bribing them with boy-band trivia to eat their processed snacks.
• Bombing a Broadway dance audition while dressed like a children's birthday party performer.
• Working as a production assistant for a TV psychic and comforting grieving callers.

Failing upward. These early struggles were not a waste of time; they were the crucible in which her work ethic was forged. By navigating the indignities of entry-level work and public transit, she developed the resilience necessary to survive the brutal realities of Hollywood.

5. Honor the unspoken, fiercely loyal rules of best friendship

No two people are better than us.

The roommate code. Living in close quarters with female best friends requires a unique, unspoken code of conduct to prevent total chaos. Kaling's years sharing cramped spaces with her friends Brenda and Jocelyn succeeded because they established clear boundaries, mutual respect, and a healthy dose of humor.

Rights and responsibilities. True best friendship grants you the right to borrow clothes, share beds, and demand absolute honesty about your appearance. However, it also carries the heavy responsibility of nursing each other through illnesses, supporting each other through depressions, and defending each other's honor.

• The right to borrow any item of clothing, provided the owner has worn it at least once.
• The obligation to provide brutal but gentle feedback on unflattering outfits.
• The promise to hate and re-like people on behalf of your friend's shifting alliances.

Unconditional support. Ultimately, a best friend is someone who allows you to take them for granted when you fall in love, yet remains steadfastly by your side when things fall apart. It is a bond that transcends romantic relationships and provides a permanent safety net in a chaotic world.

6. Take creative destiny into your own hands by writing your own parts

Write your own part.

Creating opportunities. Frustrated by the lack of acting and writing opportunities in New York, Kaling and her best friend Brenda decided to stop waiting for permission. They spent their limited free time writing a play called Matt & Ben, a satirical take on the friendship of Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.

The power of self-start. By casting themselves as the famous duo, they bypassed the traditional gatekeepers of theater and showcased their unique comedic voices. The play became a massive hit at the New York International Fringe Festival, launching their careers and proving that self-reliance is the ultimate career strategy.

• Writing the script on the floor of their apartment during a single, daily one-hour window.
• Directing and starring in the production themselves to save money on hiring external talent.
• Enduring physical injuries, including a broken nose, to ensure the show went on.

The Hollywood transition. The success of Matt & Ben opened doors in Los Angeles, leading to pilot deals and eventually Kaling's hiring on The Office. It serves as a powerful reminder that when the industry refuses to cast you, you must write the roles you deserve.

7. Navigate professional conflicts with passion and resilience

I am a confident writer, a hothead, and have a very thin skin for any criticism.

The writers' room dynamic. Working on a hit television show like The Office is a highly collaborative, intense, and often combative experience. Kaling's tenure in the writers' room was defined by passionate debates, creative clashes, and legendary arguments with showrunner Greg Daniels.

The value of conflict. While professional fights can be exhausting, Kaling argues that creative friction is often necessary to produce great comedy. Her willingness to fight for her jokes, even at the risk of being sent home, demonstrated her deep commitment to the quality of the show.

• Getting kicked out of a rewrite session by Greg Daniels after a particularly heated argument.
• Stealing a twenty-four-pack of bottled water and kicking her boss's car bumper in retaliation.
• Learning to swallow her pride, apologize, and return to work with a professional attitude.

Learning from mentors. Ultimately, these conflicts were balanced by deep mutual respect and mentorship. Under the guidance of experienced writers and actors like Greg Daniels and Steve Carell, Kaling transformed from an inexperienced staff writer into a seasoned producer and director.

8. Reject unrealistic media tropes and narrow beauty standards

I am slightly offended by the way busy working women my age are presented in film.

Dismantling Hollywood tropes. As a lifelong lover of romantic comedies, Kaling is highly critical of the unrealistic, narrow archetypes of women presented in mainstream media. From the clumsy beauty to the career-obsessed ice queen, these characters bear little resemblance to actual, complex women.

The fashion industry struggle. This disconnect is particularly evident in the fashion industry, where stylists often struggle to dress women who do not fit a size-zero mold. Kaling recounts numerous humiliating experiences where stylists attempted to hide her body in shapeless, matronly garments.

• Being offered endless variations of navy, cap sleeves, and billowing muumuus to hide her frame.
• Crying in an elementary school bathroom stall during a high-profile photo shoot due to a lack of size-inclusive options.
• Demanding to wear a dusty rose gown that had to be cut open and pinned together with canvas.

Redefining beauty. By refusing to be shamed into wearing unflattering clothes, Kaling champions a more realistic and inclusive definition of beauty. She proves that confidence, humor, and self-advocacy are far more attractive than conforming to a stylist's narrow vision.

9. Choose mature, committed partners over charming but stagnant boys

Jeremy’s a boy. You need a man.

The boy vs. man divide. In her twenties, Kaling was drawn to "boys"—charming, impulsive, and creative partners who lived transient lifestyles and avoided adult responsibilities. However, as she matured, she realized that dating stagnant boys becomes exhausting and unsustainable.

The appeal of maturity. A "man," by contrast, is defined by his commitment to his own life, his career, and his surroundings. Men make concrete plans, own real furniture, and are not afraid of the responsibilities that come with adulthood.

• Boys get haircuts from roommates, have "gigs," and let your parents pay for dinner.
• Men own alarm clocks, make reservations, and buy mattresses that are not on the floor.
• The realization that a partner's commitment to a mortgage or a career is a sign of emotional maturity.

Seeking equal partnership. Ultimately, Kaling's romantic evolution reflects a desire for an equal, stable partnership. She champions the idea of finding a "pal"—someone with whom you can share a simple, monogamous life, watch television, and talk about mundane things for the next forty years.

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