Nice Girls Just Don't Get It

1. Embrace Your Inner Winning Woman: Ditch the Nice Girl Persona

"Nice girls don't live the lives they want for one of two reasons: either they are unaware that their own behaviors are holding them back, or they don't know what to do about it."

Recognize self-sabotaging behaviors. Nice girls often put others' needs first, rarely ask for what they want, and tolerate inappropriate behavior. This stems from societal conditioning and childhood messages. To become a winning woman, start by identifying these patterns in your own life.

Take action to change. Once you've recognized these behaviors, actively work to change them. This includes:

• Setting clear boundaries
• Asking for what you want
• Confronting disrespectful behavior
• Communicating assertively
• Leveraging relationships to your advantage

Remember, being nice and being a winning woman are not mutually exclusive. You can achieve your goals while maintaining kindness and integrity.

2. Build and Leverage Relationships That Work for You

"When you need a relationship, it's too late to build it."

Invest in relationships proactively. Winning women understand the importance of building strong relationships before they're needed. This includes connections with:

• Colleagues
• Mentors
• Family members
• Friends
• Service providers

Understand relationship dynamics. Not all relationships are created equal. Recognize the difference between:

• Transactional relationships (e.g., with a car salesperson)
• Personal relationships (e.g., with a child's teacher)

Tailor your approach accordingly, investing more time and energy in relationships that have long-term value.

Practice reciprocity. Building strong relationships involves give and take. Be willing to help others, but also don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it. This creates a network of mutual support that can be invaluable in achieving your goals.

3. Manage Expectations: Set Boundaries and Learn to Say No

"Winning women know that time, expertise, and money are limited commodities and must be doled out with the utmost care and consciousness so as not to lose sight of their own goals."

Establish clear boundaries. Define what you will and won't accept in your personal and professional life. This includes:

• Time commitments
• Work responsibilities
• Personal obligations

Learn to say no effectively. Saying no doesn't have to be confrontational. Use techniques like:

• Starting with "yes" (e.g., "Yes, I'd love to help, but...")
• Offering alternatives
• Explaining your rationale

Prioritize your needs. Remember that taking care of yourself isn't selfish – it's necessary for long-term success and well-being. Don't be afraid to put your needs on par with, or even above, the needs of others when appropriate.

4. Craft Meaningful Messages: Communicate with Clarity and Confidence

"Winning women have mastered the art of telling others to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip."

Speak with purpose. Before communicating, consider:

• Your main message
• Your audience
• The best medium for delivery (e.g., email, in-person, phone)

Use powerful communication techniques. Employ strategies like:

• Speaking in headlines with taglines
• Using "I" messages
• Asking open-ended questions
• Active listening

Be concise and clear. Avoid over-explaining or diluting your message. Get to the point quickly and confidently, while still maintaining tact and respect for others.

5. Prepare for and Overcome Resistance

"Resistance can signal caring. Facing it head-on yields winning women valuable information about the other person's needs and enables them to improve on long-term outcomes."

Expect pushback. When you start asserting yourself more, others may resist. This is normal and doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.

Understand different forms of resistance. Resistance can manifest as:

• Open disagreement
• Passive-aggressive behavior
• Emotional manipulation
• Silence

Develop strategies to overcome resistance. This might include:

• Addressing concerns directly
• Finding common ground
• Using trial balloons to test ideas
• Giving others time to adjust to changes

Remember that resistance often comes from a place of fear or uncertainty. By addressing these underlying concerns, you can often turn resistance into support.

6. Cultivate and Utilize Your Network Effectively

"Using relationships to help you achieve your goals and get the things you want isn't ugly, shady, or sleazy—it's smart."

Build a diverse network. Include people from various backgrounds, industries, and levels of influence. This diversity can provide a wealth of perspectives and opportunities.

Maintain your network. Regularly:

• Reach out to contacts
• Offer help or resources
• Share relevant information

Leverage your network strategically. Don't be afraid to ask for help or introductions when needed. Remember, most people are happy to help if asked.

Be a resource for others. Networking is a two-way street. Look for opportunities to connect people in your network or provide value to others. This builds goodwill and strengthens your relationships.

7. Live Your Values Unapologetically

"If we have to go against our values to achieve something, we probably didn't really want it in the first place."

Identify your core values. Take time to reflect on what truly matters to you. This might include:

• Family
• Career success
• Personal growth
• Community involvement

Make decisions aligned with your values. Use your values as a guide when making important life choices. This ensures that your actions are authentic and fulfilling.

Set non-negotiables. Determine which aspects of your life are absolutely essential and non-negotiable. These might be:

• Specific career goals
• Personal time
• Ethical standards

Let go of guilt. Recognize that living your values may sometimes disappoint others. That's okay. Remember that you can't please everyone, and staying true to yourself is more important than meeting others' expectations.

Last updated: November 19, 2024