One Bird's Choice

1. Returning to the Nest: An Unexpected Adult Chapter

I vowed that when I left home at nineteen, it was for good.

The unexpected return. After nearly a decade of independent living in Toronto, armed with a liberal arts degree but lacking a stable career, the author finds himself underemployed and broke. A temporary radio gig in Ottawa prompts a decision he never anticipated: moving back in with his parents on their rural farm. This return challenges his youthful vow of permanent independence.

A common generational trend. Unlike previous generations who left home in their early twenties and rarely looked back, the author notes that returning to the parental home has become a common precondition of adulthood for his generation. This shift is often driven by financial necessity, the difficulty of finding stable work, or a desire to save money before fully launching into independent adult life.

Temporary becomes uncertain. What begins as a planned temporary stay for a summer job gradually extends as the author's employment situation remains precarious. The initial expectation of a few weeks or months stretches into seasons, blurring the lines between a brief visit and a prolonged residency, forcing him to confront the reality of his situation.

2. Navigating the Quirks of Home and Aging Parents

Their time together has dulled their disparities and amplified their similarities.

Observing parental dynamics. Living back at home provides an intimate view of his parents' long-standing relationship. He observes their contrasting personalities—Dad, the introverted professor; Mom, the outgoing social butterfly—and how decades together have softened their differences while highlighting shared traits. Their affectionate debates, like the staple found in the stuffing or the proper way to flush a toilet, become part of the daily rhythm.

Shifting roles and perspectives. The author, now an adult, finds himself in a peculiar position, simultaneously a guest and a resident, an adult child and, at times, treated like a teenager. His parents' well-meaning concerns, whether about his sleep habits, diet, or lack of plans, are constant reminders of his dependent status, even as he navigates adult anxieties about his future.

A blend of old and new. The farmhouse itself, steeped in history and requiring constant upkeep, mirrors the blend of past and present in his life. His childhood bedroom remains largely unchanged, a time capsule of his adolescence, while the shared spaces reflect his parents' current life and their efforts to accommodate his return, sometimes in humorous ways, like debating the color of Dad's corduroys.

3. Farm Life: A World of Animals and Peculiar Routines

Our farm isn’t the typical industrial spread; my parents aren’t professional agriculturists.

An unconventional menagerie. The farm, Lilac Hill, is home to a diverse collection of animals—ducks, chickens, sheep, dogs, cats, and a guinea fowl named Lucius—kept more for pleasure and a connection to nature than for economic gain. This creates a unique environment where daily life revolves around the needs and quirks of these creatures, from collecting eggs to shoveling manure.

Animals as characters. The animals are not just livestock but individuals with distinct personalities and roles in the family narrative.

• Lucius, the pet guinea fowl, becomes a central, often irritating, figure with his affectionate driveway antics and loud evening serenades.
• The sheep, particularly the ram Marshall, are constant, judgmental observers.
• The chickens are portrayed as erratic, food-obsessed creatures, making egg collection a perilous task.
• The dogs and cats are integral members of the household, each with their own routines and demands.

Chores as life's rhythm. Daily life is structured by farm chores, which shift with the seasons. These tasks, like carrying water in winter or cleaning the barn in summer, are often mundane but essential. They provide a physical connection to the land and a stark contrast to the author's previous urban existence and his current struggle for meaningful work.

4. The Struggle for Purpose in Underemployment

I was the rear left mud flap: useful in principle but not in any way propelling the car forward.

Lack of career traction. Despite his university education, the author struggles to find stable, fulfilling work. His past jobs in Toronto were temporary and low-paying, leaving him feeling like an unproductive "mud flap." The temporary CBC radio gig, while a step towards his interests, is short-lived and doesn't lead to permanent employment.

The elusive "Real Life". He grapples with the societal expectation of having a defined career and financial independence in his late twenties. Answering the question "What are you up to?" is uncomfortable, highlighting his lack of direction compared to friends pursuing professional degrees and careers.

Casual work, uncertain future. The offer of casual shifts as an Associate Producer at CBC provides a brief glimmer of hope and a professional title, but it doesn't translate into consistent work. This leaves him with ample time but little income, reinforcing his sense of being in limbo and delaying his ability to achieve traditional markers of adult independence, like getting his own apartment.

5. Domesticity and Self-Improvement: Humorous Failures

I fall somewhere in between Holmes and Failure Guy, probably just off-centre in the direction of failure.

Lack of practical skills. The author humorously acknowledges his deficiency in practical household repairs and maintenance, contrasting himself with handy figures like Mike Holmes. His attempt to fix a leaky sink results in frustration and the need to call a neighbor for help, highlighting his lack of interest and aptitude in this area.

Unwelcome chores and tasks. While he enjoys cooking and cleaning, the farm demands physical labor and tasks he finds less appealing, such as shoveling manure or dealing with temperamental chickens. His attempts at helping with chores often lead to minor mishaps or comical situations, like being attacked by Lucius while mowing or struggling with his sister's shorts while cleaning the barn.

Fitness fiascos. His efforts at physical self-improvement are equally awkward. A yoga class with his mother's elderly friends leaves him feeling stiff and inadequate. Joining his father at the gym exposes his poor physical condition and leads to comical interactions with other gym-goers and his father's peculiar exercise techniques with a tennis ball.

6. The Comfort and Confinement of Familiar Surroundings

There’s something rejuvenating about an unpolluted view in a familiar setting.

Rural tranquility vs. urban energy. The farm offers a stark contrast to the author's previous life in Toronto. He appreciates the quiet, the open fields, the bright stars, and the absence of urban noise and pollution. This natural environment provides a sense of peace and space for reflection, particularly when compared to his cramped basement apartment in the city.

The double-edged sword of home. While the farm provides a comfortable, inexpensive place to live and a supportive family environment, it also feels confining. His lack of independence, limited social life outside the family, and the constant presence of his parents' routines and concerns create a sense of being stuck. The familiarity, while comforting, can also feel stifling.

Isolation and social disconnect. Living in the country leads to social isolation. His friends are in the city, and maintaining connections becomes difficult. His social interactions are largely limited to his parents and the occasional neighbor or brief, awkward encounter, highlighting the trade-off between the peace of the farm and the social energy of urban life.

7. Aging, Health, and the Body's Unwelcome Changes

It’s been confirmed that I have the eyes and bladder of a seventy-year-old man and the bone density of an eighty-year-old woman.

Physical decline and vulnerability. As the seasons pass, the author becomes increasingly aware of his own physical vulnerabilities and the effects of aging, even in his late twenties. He experiences unexplained insomnia, stiffness, and pain from physical labor. A doctor's visit reveals premature signs of aging, such as floaters in his eyes and potential bone density issues, linking his health to his mother's osteoporosis.

Observing parental aging. He witnesses his parents' physical changes and the increasing toll of age, particularly in winter. He notices his father's back pain and the effort required for chores, and his mother's minor ailments and allergies. These observations serve as a mirror for his own anxieties about getting older and the body's inevitable decline.

The body as a source of anxiety. His physical complaints, though seemingly minor, become a source of anxiety and self-consciousness. The doctor's casual confirmation of his "seventy-year-old" eyes and bladder is unsettling, reinforcing a feeling that his body is aging faster than it should, adding to his overall sense of being adrift.

8. The Cyclical Nature of Life, Mirrored by the Seasons

Life goes in cycles. After the downs there’s always the ups . . . usually.

Seasons dictate rhythm. Life on the farm is deeply connected to the natural cycle of the seasons. Summer brings heat, growth, and demanding outdoor chores like barn cleaning. Fall is a period of transition and preparation for winter. Winter is harsh, cold, and isolating, requiring resilience and indoor routines. Spring brings melting snow, new life (lambing season), and a sense of renewal.

Personal cycles of hope and despair. The author's emotional and professional journey mirrors the seasonal changes. Periods of hope, like starting the radio job or getting the Associate Producer title, are followed by periods of stagnation and despair, particularly
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Last updated: May 3, 2025