Securely Attached

1. Trauma affects everyone and changes the brain's functioning

"Trauma exists in two forms: acute and chronic. Acute is a scary, onetime event; whereas chronic is a distressing event or situation that happens repeatedly or continually over a period of time."

Trauma is universal. Everyone experiences trauma to some degree, whether it's moving to a new home, changing schools, or experiencing a natural disaster. These experiences can change how our brains function, particularly in the areas of the brain stem, amygdala, and prefrontal cortex.

Impact on the brain:

• Brain stem: Controls basic bodily functions and survival instincts
• Amygdala: Acts as the brain's alarm system, processing fear and emotions
• Prefrontal cortex: Responsible for executive functioning, logic, and reasoning

Trauma can cause the brain to operate in survival mode, overriding logical thinking and emotional regulation. This is especially true for children who have experienced chronic trauma, as their brains may become "stuck" in this survival state, affecting their ability to form healthy attachments and regulate emotions.

2. Healthy attachments are crucial for resilience and healing

"Our attachment bonds are our greatest protection against threat."

Secure attachments form the foundation for all future relationships and provide numerous benefits:

• Ability to connect with family and friends
• Seeing oneself through others' eyes
• Functioning within the community
• Grounding and protection from danger

Children who have experienced trauma often struggle with forming secure attachments. This can manifest in various ways, such as:

• Prickly or seemingly illogical behaviors
• Difficulty trusting caregivers
• Pushing others away or becoming overly clingy

Caregivers can help build healthy attachments by:

• Being patient and consistent
• Building trust through meeting needs
• Maintaining a stable environment
• Pursuing connection even when it's difficult

3. Behavior is a voice: Understanding the root of challenging behaviors

"Behavior is a voice. It is a symptom or a reaction to something larger than the behavior itself."

Look beyond the surface. When children exhibit challenging behaviors, it's essential to recognize that these actions are often communicating an underlying need or emotion. Instead of focusing solely on correcting the behavior, caregivers should strive to understand its root cause.

Common reasons for challenging behaviors:

• Unmet physical needs (hunger, tiredness, discomfort)
• Emotional dysregulation
• Sensory processing issues
• Lack of body awareness
• Triggers related to past trauma
• Fear or insecurity

To better understand and address behaviors:

• Observe patterns and triggers
• Ask questions about what happened before, during, and after the behavior
• Consider the child's trauma history and how it might be influencing their actions
• Work with professionals to identify any underlying medical or developmental issues

4. Co-regulation strategies help children manage emotions

"Co-regulation always requires a connection."

Connection is key. Co-regulation involves caregivers actively helping children manage their emotions and return to a calm state. This process is crucial for children who have experienced trauma and may struggle with self-regulation.

Effective co-regulation strategies:

• Stay calm and regulated yourself
• Use a gentle, assuring tone of voice
• Offer physical comfort if appropriate (hugs, hand-holding)
• Provide distractions or transitional objects
• Use weighted items for proprioceptive input
• Offer food or water to meet basic needs
• Stay present, even if the child pushes you away

As trust builds, caregivers can help regulate emotions earlier in the process, eventually leading to the child's ability to self-regulate. Remember that co-regulation is not about permitting bad behavior but about creating a safe environment for the child to process their emotions.

5. Self-care is essential for caregivers to effectively support children

"Self-care is one of the most giving, selfless things you can do for your family."

Prioritize your well-being. Caring for children with trauma histories can be emotionally and physically draining. To provide effective support, caregivers must prioritize their own self-care and emotional regulation.

Self-care strategies for caregivers:

• Take regular breaks
• Engage in activities that bring joy
• Maintain a support network
• Practice stress-reduction techniques (meditation, exercise)
• Seek professional help when needed

Remember that self-care is not selfish; it's necessary for maintaining the energy and emotional capacity to support your children effectively. By modeling self-care and emotional regulation, you also teach your children valuable skills for managing their own emotions and stress.

6. Effective communication with schools, professionals, and family members is key

"It's always better for the school to hear from you with preemptive communication about your child than for you to hear from them with reactive communication."

Be proactive and prepared. Clear, respectful communication with schools, healthcare providers, and family members is crucial for creating a supportive environment for your child.

Tips for effective communication:

• Prepare a script or key points before important conversations
• Share only necessary information to protect your child's privacy
• Assume the best intentions from others
• Offer solutions and resources when possible
• Teach your child to advocate for themselves

When communicating with schools:

• Contact teachers and administrators early in the school year
• Provide specific information about your child's needs and triggers
• Collaborate on creating accommodations or support plans

For healthcare providers:

• Keep detailed logs of behaviors and concerns
• Prepare questions in advance of appointments
• Be open to learning from professionals while also sharing your expertise about your child

With family members:

• Set clear boundaries around your child's privacy and needs
• Educate interested family members about trauma and its effects
• Be prepared to limit contact if necessary to protect your child's well-being

7. Prevention and intervention strategies for crisis behaviors

"Safety first."

Be prepared for emergencies. While prevention is ideal, it's essential to have strategies in place for managing crisis behaviors when they occur.

Prevention strategies:

• Identify triggers and warning signs
• Create and follow safety plans
• Maintain consistent routines and expectations
• Use humor and distraction techniques

Intervention strategies:

• Prioritize safety for the child and others
• Remain calm and regulated yourself
• Use the least amount of correction necessary
• Allow for natural consequences when appropriate
• Document incidents and responses

Remember that the goal during a crisis is to help the child return to a regulated state, not to punish or correct behavior in the moment. Once the crisis has passed, you can address the underlying issues and work on prevention strategies for the future.

8. Moving towards self-regulation and healing

"Our goal is for our children to care for themselves and meet their own needs one day."

Foster independence gradually. While co-regulation is crucial, the ultimate goal is to help children develop the skills to manage their own emotions and behaviors.

Steps towards self-regulation:

• Teach emotional language and awareness
• Help children identify physical sensations associated with emotions
• Encourage children to communicate their needs
• Practice problem-solving skills together
• Celebrate small successes in emotional management

Remember that healing from trauma is a journey, not a destination. Progress may be slow and non-linear, but with consistent support and patience, children can develop the skills they need to thrive. As caregivers, your role is to provide a safe, nurturing environment where children can learn, grow, and heal at their own pace.

Last updated: November 20, 2024