Sex, Jesus, and the Conversations the Church Forgot

1. Reclaiming Sex for God's Glory: The Forgotten Conversations

It's time to begin reclaiming sex for the glory of God. It's time to invite Jesus back into the bedroom. It's time to start the conversations that the church forgot.

The church's silence: Many churches have shied away from open, honest discussions about sex, leaving a void filled by secular culture's distorted messages. This silence has led to confusion, shame, and misunderstanding among believers.

God's design: Sex is God's invention, designed as a beautiful gift for unity, pleasure, and reproduction within marriage. It's meant to be a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual act of connection and worship.

Reclaiming the narrative: Christians need to:

• Speak up boldly about God's design for sex
• Address the deeper 'whys' behind sexual purity
• Offer grace-filled, redemptive messages to those struggling with sexual sin
• Celebrate sex as a good gift within marriage

2. Understanding Our Inherent Worth as God's Creations

You were no accident. You were no mistake.

Image-bearers of God: Every person is fearfully and wonderfully made in God's image, with inherent worth and value that doesn't depend on looks, achievements, or relationship status.

Identity crisis: Many struggle with insecurity and a distorted self-image, leading to:

• Seeking validation through sexual relationships
• Compromising values for attention
• Falling into patterns of sexual sin

Embracing true worth: Understanding our value in God's eyes is foundational to:

• Developing healthy relationships
• Making wise sexual choices
• Resisting temptation and peer pressure

3. The Difference Between Virginity and True Purity

Physical virginity can't be restored. But spiritual, mental, physical, and emotional purity can.

Beyond physical virginity: True purity encompasses thoughts, attitudes, and heart motivations, not just abstaining from intercourse.

Purity as heart transformation: God desires purity in all aspects of life:

• Thoughts and intentions
• Words and actions
• Relationships and choices

Grace and redemption: Even those who have engaged in sexual sin can experience:

• Forgiveness and cleansing
• Renewed purity through Christ
• A fresh start in pursuing holiness

4. Guarding Our Eyes and Hearts in a Sex-Saturated Culture

If you are what you eat, are you not also what you see?

Media influence: Constant exposure to sexual content in media, advertising, and entertainment shapes our perceptions and desires.

Pornography epidemic: The widespread use of pornography has devastating effects on:

• Relationships and intimacy
• Brain chemistry and addiction
• Views of human worth and sexuality

Practical steps for guarding hearts:

• Be intentional about media consumption
• Install accountability software and filters
• Cultivate friendships that encourage purity
• Regularly engage with Scripture and prayer

5. Breaking Free from the Darkness of Sexual Sin

The sustainability of the darkness is just a myth.

False security of secrecy: Many believe they can hide their sexual sin, but it inevitably affects:

• Relationship with God
• Self-worth and integrity
• Current and future relationships

God's all-seeing nature: Nothing is truly hidden from God, who desires to bring healing and freedom.

Steps toward freedom:

• Confess sin to God and trusted others
• Embrace God's forgiveness and grace
• Seek accountability and support
• Replace darkness with light through renewed thoughts and actions

6. God's Redemptive Love: The Ultimate 'Why' Behind Sexual Purity

That love and sacrifice carry a perspective-shifting weight.

Love as the motivator: Understanding God's incredible love and sacrifice should compel us toward purity, rather than just following rules.

Identity in Christ: Recognizing our position as forgiven and beloved children of God transforms our approach to sexuality.

Grace-driven obedience: Pursuing purity becomes a response of gratitude and love toward God, rather than a burden or checklist.

7. Participating in Our Own Healing: Forgiveness and Faith

God invites us into our own healing with the invitation to extend forgiveness and ask to be forgiven ourselves.

Active participation: Healing from sexual brokenness often requires our engagement through:

• Extending forgiveness to those who've hurt us
• Seeking forgiveness from those we've wronged
• Accepting God's forgiveness for ourselves

Breaking soul ties: Forgiving and seeking forgiveness helps sever unhealthy emotional and spiritual connections from past sexual relationships.

Faith for healing: Believing God can and will bring healing is crucial to the restoration process.

8. Navigating Sexual Temptation in Dating Relationships

We had talked about our big-picture stance on things—the fact that neither of us believed in living together before marriage and the fact that both of us desired to abstain from sex until marriage. But prior to our first kiss we hadn't talked, in more detail, about appropriate boundaries in dating.

Clear boundaries: Couples should have explicit conversations about physical and emotional boundaries early in the relationship.

Accountability: Surrounding yourselves with supportive friends who encourage purity is crucial.

Practical safeguards:

• Avoid compromising situations (e.g., being alone late at night)
• Have an exit strategy for tempting scenarios
• Regularly discuss and reassess boundaries

9. The Reality of Marriage: Unrealistic "Sexpectations" and God's Design

False sexpectations of what sex was supposed to be, matched with a heart unprepared for how Satan was going to capitalize on my unresolved sin struggles and insecurities, completely robbed me of peace and enjoyment of sex and of my husband, ultimately.

Cultural myths: Many enter marriage with unrealistic expectations about sex shaped by media, pornography, or well-meaning but misguided advice.

Common struggles:

• "Sex guilt" from years of viewing sex as forbidden
• Performance anxiety and insecurity
• Unresolved issues from past sexual experiences

God's design for marital intimacy:

• A process of learning and growing together
• Characterized by grace, patience, and selfless love
• Intended for mutual pleasure and deep connection

10. Inviting God into the Bedroom: Rediscovering Sex as Worship

Sex is worship, and wonderful, even through the growing pains and the trial-and-error learning curve that come early on in marriage.

Holy intimacy: Sex within marriage is meant to be a beautiful expression of worship and unity.

Spiritual warfare: The enemy often attacks marriages through sexual struggles, making it crucial to invite God into this area.

Practical steps:

• Pray together about your sex life
• View sex as a gift from God to be celebrated
• Communicate openly and honestly about desires and struggles
• Seek godly counsel when facing persistent issues

Last updated: October 23, 2024