Single, Dating, Engaged, Married

1. Relationships are a journey of evaluation and growth

Dating is more like crossing an ocean than it is like assembling a desk from IKEA.

Relationships evolve through stages. Each phase - singleness, dating, engagement, and marriage - serves a unique purpose in personal and relational development. Like sailing across an ocean, relationships require navigating uncertain waters with principles rather than rigid steps.

Evaluation is key. Throughout the journey, individuals must assess compatibility in character, faith, and life goals. This involves observing how potential partners handle challenges, communicate, and align with one's values.

Growth is inevitable. As relationships progress, both individuals should experience personal growth and spiritual maturity. A healthy relationship challenges partners to become better versions of themselves while supporting each other's aspirations.

2. Singleness is a gift for devotion and personal development

God has ordained a season of singleness for every human being on the planet.

Singleness offers unique opportunities. This stage allows individuals to focus on personal growth, spiritual development, and service to others without the responsibilities of a romantic relationship.

Devotion to God is paramount. Single individuals can dedicate more time and energy to deepening their relationship with God, studying Scripture, and engaging in ministry.

Preparation for the future. Singleness is an ideal time to:

• Develop character and life skills
• Pursue education and career goals
• Build a strong support network of friends and mentors
• Clarify personal values and relationship expectations

3. Dating is about character assessment and compatibility

Find someone whose character makes you want to fall on your knees and thank God.

Character trumps attraction. While physical and emotional chemistry is important, a person's character - their values, integrity, and treatment of others - should be the primary focus in dating.

Compatibility extends beyond shared interests. Key areas to evaluate include:

• Spiritual alignment and devotion to God
• Communication styles and conflict resolution skills
• Life goals and priorities
• Family dynamics and expectations

Healthy boundaries are crucial. Dating couples should maintain physical and emotional purity, avoiding premature intimacy that can cloud judgment and hinder objective evaluation.

4. Engagement is a time for uniting families, finances, and futures

Your single life is passing away, and a new, united life is emerging.

Family integration. Engagement is an opportunity to:

• Build relationships with future in-laws
• Navigate cultural and familial expectations
• Establish boundaries and communication patterns with extended family

Financial alignment. Couples should:

• Discuss money management philosophies
• Create a joint budget
• Address debt and savings goals
• Plan for shared financial responsibilities

Future planning. Engaged couples must:

• Align career and education goals
• Discuss expectations for roles in marriage
• Address potential challenges (e.g., relocations, family planning)
• Establish shared spiritual practices and ministry involvement

5. Marriage reflects Christ's love for the church

Marriage is not just designed by God; it is meant to display something about God.

A living metaphor. Christian marriages are called to reflect Christ's sacrificial love for the church and the church's respectful response to Christ's leadership.

Mutual submission to God. Both husband and wife must prioritize their relationship with God, allowing His love and guidance to shape their marriage.

Witnessing to the world. A healthy, Christ-centered marriage can:

• Demonstrate God's love and forgiveness
• Model healthy conflict resolution
• Show the beauty of lifelong commitment
• Inspire others to seek a relationship with God

6. Husbands initiate and sacrifice; wives affirm and respond

A husband's job is to initiate and sacrifice so that his wife might flourish under God.

Husband's role:

• Initiate in romance, communication, and spiritual leadership
• Sacrifice personal desires for the good of the wife and family
• Create an environment where the wife can thrive and use her gifts

Wife's role:

• Affirm and encourage the husband's leadership efforts
• Respond positively to initiatives when possible
• Communicate needs and desires clearly and respectfully

Mutual respect and love. Both spouses should:

• Prioritize the other's well-being
• Communicate openly and honestly
• Support each other's personal and spiritual growth
• Work together as a team to face life's challenges

7. Successful marriages pursue a shared mission

Your marriage will only be as strong as your mutual commitment to a common vision.

United purpose strengthens bonds. Couples who pursue a shared mission experience deeper connection and fulfillment in their marriage.

Kingdom-focused goals. Christian couples should seek to:

• Serve in ministry together
• Support each other's individual callings
• Make a positive impact in their community and world

Balancing intimacy and impact. A strong marriage requires:

• Regular time for connection and nurturing the relationship
• Shared experiences in pursuing goals and serving others
• Flexibility to adapt as seasons of life change
• Celebrating each other's contributions to the shared mission

Last updated: January 23, 2025