Superparenting for ADD

1. Love is the cornerstone of raising children with ADD

Love works unpredictably, in that you have no idea what strengths you are drawing out while you love your child. But if you keep loving and trusting that love, over the years the strengths will emerge.

Unconditional love is transformative. It provides the foundation for unwrapping the gifts hidden within children with ADD. This love should be wise, persistent, and unremitting, seeing the child for who they truly are, not who parents wish they were. Love helps children develop a positive self-image and confidence, which are crucial for their success and happiness.

Love dispels shame and fear. These emotions can be the most dangerous learning disabilities. By consistently showing love, even when a child's behavior is challenging, parents create a safe environment for growth and exploration. This approach helps children with ADD feel accepted and understood, rather than criticized and judged.

Love fuels resilience. Children with ADD often face numerous challenges and setbacks. A loving foundation gives them the strength to persevere, try new strategies, and maintain hope for the future. It also helps parents stay committed to supporting their child through difficulties, believing in their potential even when progress seems slow.

2. Emphasize strengths, not deficits, in children with ADD

To give them their best shot, rely on love above all else—love adeptly and creatively applied, love consistently and abidingly offered, love wisely and enthusiastically held out and always felt, even when you're sad, angry, disappointed, or hopeless.

Shift from deficit-based to strength-based thinking. This approach focuses on identifying and nurturing a child's talents and interests, rather than solely addressing their weaknesses. By doing so, parents and educators can help children with ADD develop confidence and motivation to overcome challenges.

Reframe ADD as a potential gift. Instead of viewing ADD as a disorder or disability, consider it a unique way of thinking and interacting with the world. This perspective helps children see their differences as valuable rather than problematic.

Key strategies for emphasizing strengths:

• Identify and celebrate the child's natural talents and interests
• Provide opportunities for the child to excel in areas of strength
• Use positive language when discussing the child's abilities
• Help the child develop strategies to leverage their strengths in challenging situations
• Encourage exploration of various activities to uncover hidden talents

3. Understand the mirror traits of ADD symptoms

What is distractibility but a turbocharged kind of curiosity?

Recognize positive counterparts to ADD symptoms. Each symptom associated with ADD has a "mirror trait" that can be viewed as a potential strength. Understanding these mirror traits helps parents and children reframe challenging behaviors in a more positive light.

Common mirror traits include:

• Distractibility → Curiosity
• Impulsivity → Creativity
• Hyperactivity → Energy
• Inattention → Ability to hyperfocus on interests
• Disorganization → Flexibility and adaptability

Leverage mirror traits for success. By identifying and nurturing these positive aspects, children with ADD can develop strategies to channel their unique traits into productive outcomes. This approach not only improves self-esteem but also helps children find ways to thrive in various environments.

4. Create a connected childhood to foster growth and development

A connected child feels positively involved in a world larger than himself. He feels—and feel is the crucial verb—held in place by loving and caring arms.

Foster multiple points of connection. A connected childhood provides stability, joy, and direction for children with ADD. These connections act as anchors, helping children feel secure and supported as they navigate challenges.

Key areas of connection to develop:

• Family
• Friends and neighborhood
• School or work
• Activities and interests
• Nature and special places
• Arts
• Pets and animals
• Information and ideas
• Groups, teams, and institutions
• Spiritual realm or practice
• Self

Prioritize quality time and shared experiences. Creating a connected childhood involves spending time together, engaging in meaningful conversations, and participating in shared activities. These experiences help build strong relationships and create a sense of belonging for children with ADD.

5. Implement the cycle of excellence for child development

Making progress at an activity that is challenging and important to a person is the single most powerful force we have for building self-esteem and confidence.

Follow the five-step cycle of excellence:

1. Create a connected environment
2. Play
3. Practice
4. Gain mastery
5. Receive recognition

Foster growth through natural progression. This cycle allows children to develop skills, confidence, and motivation in a supportive environment. By following these steps, parents and educators can help children with ADD discover their strengths and build upon them.

Key benefits of the cycle:

• Encourages exploration and creativity
• Builds discipline and perseverance
• Develops self-esteem and confidence
• Motivates children to pursue challenging activities
• Creates positive feedback loops for continued growth

6. Use the Kolbe model to identify and leverage conative strengths

Every person must have four of the twelve strengths named above, based on this classification, one in each of the four modes, Fact Finder, Follow Thru, Quick Start, and Implementor.

Understand conative strengths. The Kolbe model identifies four Action Modes that represent an individual's natural problem-solving and decision-making styles. These modes are Fact Finder, Follow Thru, Quick Start, and Implementor.

Apply conative strengths in education and daily life. By understanding a child's conative strengths, parents and educators can tailor learning experiences and communication styles to better suit the child's natural tendencies. This approach can reduce frustration and improve performance in various areas of life.

Strategies for leveraging conative strengths:

• Assess the child's Kolbe profile
• Adapt teaching methods to match the child's strengths
• Help the child develop strategies to compensate for areas of weakness
• Encourage the child to use their strengths in problem-solving
• Communicate with teachers about the child's conative profile to improve classroom experiences

7. Develop a comprehensive treatment plan for ADD

Every treatment plan should include: Diagnosis, including the identification of talents, strengths, interests, and dreams.

Create a holistic approach to treatment. An effective treatment plan for ADD should address multiple aspects of a child's life, combining medical interventions with lifestyle changes and skill development.

Key components of a comprehensive treatment plan:

• Accurate diagnosis and identification of strengths
• Kolbe assessment and action steps
• Implementation of the cycle of excellence
• Education for family and school about ADD
• Lifestyle changes (sleep, diet, exercise, meditation, positive human contact)
• Structure and organizational strategies
• Counseling or coaching
• Consideration of medication
• Exploration of alternative therapies

Tailor the plan to the individual. Each child with ADD is unique, and their treatment plan should reflect their specific needs, strengths, and challenges. Regularly review and adjust the plan as the child grows and develops.

8. Collaborate with schools and teachers to support children with ADD

Far from holding you back, structure allows you to get the most out of your talents.

Build positive relationships with educators. Effective collaboration between parents and teachers is crucial for supporting children with ADD in school. Take time to develop trust and open communication with your child's teachers.

Strategies for school collaboration:

• Schedule meetings to discuss your child's needs and progress
• Share information about your child's strengths and challenges
• Develop an informal or formal Individual Education Plan (IEP)
• Provide teachers with resources on ADD and effective teaching strategies
• Offer to help in the classroom or with school activities
• Regularly check in with teachers to address any concerns

Advocate for appropriate accommodations. Work with the school to implement strategies that support your child's learning style and needs, such as preferential seating, movement breaks, or modified assignments.

9. Consider alternative therapies alongside traditional treatments

If you can learn it in school, you are way ahead of the game. The goal should not be to become independent. No one is independent. The goal should be to become effectively interdependent, to learn how to ask for the help he needs and to be able to offer what he has to give in return.

Explore complementary approaches. While traditional treatments like medication and behavior therapy are well-established, some alternative therapies show promise in supporting children with ADD.

Potential alternative therapies to consider:

• Fish oil supplementation
• Cerebellar stimulation exercises
• Neurofeedback (e.g., LENS)
• Nutritional interventions
• Mindfulness and meditation practices

Maintain a critical perspective. When exploring alternative therapies, it's essential to research their effectiveness and potential risks. Consult with healthcare professionals and consider these approaches as part of a comprehensive treatment plan, not as standalone solutions.

Last updated: November 12, 2024