Taking Charge of ADHD

1. ADHD is a Real, Biologically-Based Disorder, Not Just Bad Behavior

Behavior problems in these areas that have become so severe as to impair a child’s adjustment are not likely to be outgrown, and they can hardly be considered normal.

Challenging Misconceptions. ADHD is a legitimate developmental disability, not simply a result of poor parenting, lack of discipline, or a child's inherent "badness." It's crucial to recognize that ADHD stems from neurological differences affecting attention, impulse control, and activity levels. Dismissing ADHD as mere behavioral issues can be harmful to a child's psychological and social well-being.

Biological Basis. While there may not be a single, definitive medical test for ADHD, mounting evidence points to its biological origins. Research has identified genes associated with the disorder and has shown differences in brain structure and function in individuals with ADHD. These findings underscore that ADHD is a real condition with a biological basis.

Worldwide Recognition. ADHD is not an "American fabrication" but a disorder recognized and diagnosed in countries around the world. While diagnostic practices and awareness may vary, the underlying condition exists across cultures and ethnic groups. Understanding this helps to validate the experiences of parents and children dealing with ADHD, regardless of their location.

2. ADHD is Primarily a Disorder of Poor Self-Control and Future-Oriented Behavior

What is not developing properly in your child is the capacity to shift from focusing on the here and now to focusing on the future.

Beyond Attention Deficit. ADHD is more than just a problem with paying attention; it's a fundamental challenge in self-regulation and inhibiting impulsive reactions. This difficulty in shifting focus from the present moment to future consequences significantly impairs an individual's ability to plan, organize, and meet long-term goals.

Time Blindness. Individuals with ADHD often struggle with a disturbed sense of time, making it difficult to manage themselves relative to deadlines and future responsibilities. This "time blindness" can lead to impulsive decisions, difficulty prioritizing tasks, and a focus on immediate gratification over long-term rewards.

Implications for Daily Life. Understanding ADHD as a disorder of self-control helps explain the myriad ways it diminishes an individual's capacity to meet responsibilities toward self and others. It also provides a basis for respecting those with ADHD, deepening our understanding of how the condition impairs a person's daily life.

3. Effective Parenting Requires a Principle-Centered, Scientific, and Executive Approach

Arming yourself with the facts as they are un-covered is the first step toward becoming an “executive parent,” one who retains the ultimate decision-making authority over the child’s care by others, whether physicians, psychologists, nurses, social workers, or educators.

Principle-Centered Parenting. Effective parenting of a child with ADHD rests on a foundation of core principles, such as proactivity, beginning with the end in mind, and putting first things first. These principles provide a framework for making decisions based on values and long-term goals, rather than reacting impulsively to immediate challenges.

Scientific Thinking. A scientific approach to parenting involves admitting uncertainty, seeking knowledge, evaluating information critically, and experimenting with new strategies. This approach empowers parents to stay well-informed, question everything they hear, and adapt their parenting techniques based on the results.

Executive Control. Executive parenting means taking charge of your child's care, acting as a case manager, and advocating for their needs. This involves soliciting advice from professionals, making informed decisions, and ensuring that your child receives the best possible support and resources.

4. Medication Can Be a Powerful Tool, But It's Not a Cure-All

The stimulant medications are the most commonly used psychiatric drugs employed with children, especially in cases where inattentive, hyperactive, or impulsive behavior is sufficiently severe to create problems with school or social adjustment.

Benefits of Stimulants. Stimulant medications can be highly effective in improving attention, impulse control, and activity levels in individuals with ADHD. They work by increasing the availability of key neurotransmitters in the brain, helping to regulate behavior and improve focus.

Not a Magic Bullet. While medication can be a valuable tool, it's not a cure for ADHD. It's essential to recognize that medication alone may not address all of the challenges associated with the disorder, such as social skills deficits or emotional regulation difficulties.

Combination Therapy. The most effective approach to managing ADHD often involves a combination of medication and behavioral therapies. Medication can help to manage core symptoms, while therapy can address associated challenges and teach coping skills.

5. School Success Hinges on Understanding, Structure, and Collaboration

The greatest differences between the groups of boys occurred in school situations.

Teacher Awareness. A teacher's understanding of ADHD and willingness to provide extra support and understanding are crucial for a child's success in school. A positive teacher-student relationship can significantly improve a child's academic and social adjustment.

Structured Environment. Children with ADHD thrive in structured environments with clear expectations, consistent routines, and minimal distractions. A well-organized classroom with a predictable schedule can help to reduce impulsivity and improve focus.

Home-School Collaboration. Open communication and collaboration between parents and teachers are essential for creating a supportive learning environment. Regular meetings, daily report cards, and shared strategies can help to ensure consistency and address challenges effectively.

6. Home Management Requires Consistency, Clear Expectations, and Positive Reinforcement

The words of Margaret Flacy’s mentor became the keystones for the rearing of Flacy’s own sons and all the children she taught over 30 years.

Clear Expectations. Establishing clear, concise, and consistent rules and expectations is crucial for managing behavior at home. Children with ADHD need to know what is expected of them and what the consequences will be for following or breaking the rules.

Positive Reinforcement. Focusing on positive reinforcement, such as praise, rewards, and privileges, is more effective than relying solely on punishment. Catching your child being good and providing immediate feedback can help to reinforce desired behaviors.

Consistency is Key. Consistency is essential for effective home management. Parents need to be on the same page, using the same strategies and enforcing the same rules. Inconsistency can lead to confusion and undermine the effectiveness of any behavior management plan.

7. Peer Problems Are Common, But Strategies Exist to Foster Social Success

The relationship she was losing is the dynamic that truly drives all parent–child interactions and all actions by parents on behalf of their families.

Social Challenges. Children with ADHD often struggle with peer relationships due to impulsivity, inattention, and difficulty with social cues. These challenges can lead to social isolation, rejection, and low self-esteem.

Social Skills Training. Teaching social skills, such as sharing, taking turns, and resolving conflicts, can help children with ADHD improve their interactions with peers. Role-playing, modeling, and positive reinforcement can be effective strategies for teaching these skills.

Creating Opportunities. Arranging structured playdates, enrolling children in organized activities, and encouraging positive peer interactions can help to foster social connections. It's also important to address teasing and bullying, teaching children how to respond assertively and seek help when needed.

8. Adolescence Presents Unique Challenges, Requiring Adaptable Parenting Strategies

As you watch other parents increasingly relinquish responsibility and control to their maturing children, your child’s deficits in self-control and willpower guarantee that you will have to retain much of the management and control of her behavior.

Increased Independence. Adolescence is a time of increased independence and autonomy, but teens with ADHD may still require significant parental guidance and support. Balancing the need for independence with the need for structure and supervision can be a challenge.

High-Risk Behaviors. Teens with ADHD may be more prone to risky behaviors, such as substance abuse, reckless driving, and early sexual activity. Open communication, clear expectations, and consistent monitoring are essential for preventing these behaviors.

Problem-Solving Skills. Teaching problem-solving skills and involving teens in decision-making can help them to develop a sense of responsibility and ownership over their choices. Negotiating solutions that everyone can live with can foster cooperation and reduce conflict.

9. Self-Care is Essential for Parents Raising Children with ADHD

The best gift you can give your child with ADHD is your gift of self-renewal.

Stress and Burnout. Raising a child with ADHD can be incredibly stressful, leading to burnout, exhaustion, and emotional distress. It's essential for parents to prioritize self-care and find ways to recharge their batteries.

Time for Yourself. Making time for hobbies, social activities, and personal interests can help to reduce stress and improve overall well-being. Taking a long weekend away or practicing relaxation techniques can also be beneficial.

Seeking Support. Connecting with other parents of children with ADHD can provide valuable support, understanding, and practical advice. Joining a support group or seeking counseling can help parents to cope with the challenges of raising a child with ADHD.

10. Understanding the Science Behind ADHD Empowers Parents

To be scientific is to be both inquisitive and skeptical, to pursue and yet challenge your sources of information for their rationale.

Combating Misinformation. A thorough understanding of the scientific literature on ADHD can help parents to combat misinformation and advocate for their child's needs. Being able to critically evaluate information and question unfounded claims is essential for making informed decisions.

Empowerment and Advocacy. Arming yourself with the facts about ADHD empowers you to take charge of your child's care and advocate for their rights. Knowing what to expect and what resources are available can help you to navigate the challenges of raising a child with ADHD.

Principle-Centered Action. By centering your actions on proven principles, you can stay on a steady course and act from a sense of what is right, rather than being controlled by the immediate actions of your child or negative emotions. This approach enables you to hold yourself to higher standards of parenting and make a positive impact on your child's life.

Last updated: April 3, 2025