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Text Me When You Get Home

Text Me When You Get Home

The Evolution and Triumph of Modern Female Friendship
by Kayleen Schaefer 2018 288 pages
3.47
8k+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Female friendships are as vital and meaningful as romantic relationships

"There just isn't only one love story in our lives."

Redefining relationships. Women are increasingly recognizing that their friendships with other women are not secondary to romantic partnerships, but equally important and fulfilling. These relationships provide emotional support, understanding, and a sense of belonging that can be just as deep and lasting as romantic love.

Challenging societal norms. This shift challenges the traditional narrative that prioritizes finding a romantic partner above all else. Women are creating their own "chosen families" and support systems through friendships, often finding that these relationships offer stability and unconditional love throughout various life stages.

Benefits of female friendships:

  • Emotional support and understanding
  • Shared experiences and perspectives
  • Unconditional acceptance and love
  • Practical help and advice
  • Source of joy and laughter

2. Society's perception of "mean girls" is a harmful stereotype

"We have to dismantle it because it's not helping girls to have anyone care about them or their problems."

Debunking the myth. The "mean girls" stereotype, popularized by media and reinforced by societal expectations, is a harmful oversimplification of female relationships. This perception ignores the complexity and depth of girls' friendships and perpetuates negative assumptions about women's ability to support each other.

Impact on self-perception. When girls internalize this stereotype, it can lead to self-doubt, competitiveness, and a reluctance to form close friendships with other girls. Recognizing and challenging this harmful narrative is crucial for fostering positive, supportive relationships among women and girls.

Ways to challenge the "mean girls" stereotype:

  • Promote positive representations of female friendships in media
  • Encourage open communication and empathy among girls
  • Celebrate examples of supportive female relationships
  • Teach conflict resolution skills to address disagreements constructively
  • Recognize that all people, regardless of gender, can be kind or unkind

3. Women's tendency to prioritize men over female friends is changing

"I was always conscious of being a woman, in a way that I hadn't been in high school or college, when I wasn't so convinced that my sex might be holding me back."

Shifting priorities. Historically, women were often encouraged to prioritize romantic relationships and potential marriages over their friendships with other women. This mindset is evolving as more women recognize the value of maintaining strong female friendships throughout their lives, regardless of their romantic status.

Career and personal growth. As women focus more on their careers and personal development, they're finding that female friendships provide essential support and understanding that may not always be available from romantic partners. This shift is leading to a more balanced approach to relationships, where women maintain strong connections with both friends and romantic partners.

Factors contributing to this change:

  • Increased focus on career and personal goals
  • Delayed marriage and childbearing
  • Recognition of the emotional benefits of female friendships
  • Challenging traditional gender roles and expectations
  • Growing awareness of the importance of diverse support systems

4. Platonic soulmates: The rise of intensely close female friendships

"There is no longer an automatic endpoint for prioritizing friendships, like there was for my mom or other women her age, even if they aren't with the same women we met in kindergarten, as college, freshmen, or at our first jobs."

Redefining intimacy. Women are increasingly forming deep, intimate friendships that mirror the closeness traditionally associated with romantic relationships. These platonic soulmates provide emotional support, shared experiences, and a sense of belonging that can be just as fulfilling as romantic partnerships.

Breaking societal norms. This trend challenges the notion that one's primary emotional connection should be with a romantic partner. Women are creating rich, multifaceted lives where friendships play a central role, often lasting longer and providing more consistent support than romantic relationships.

Characteristics of platonic soulmate relationships:

  • Deep emotional intimacy and understanding
  • Shared experiences and inside jokes
  • Unconditional support and acceptance
  • Long-lasting commitment to the friendship
  • Ability to be vulnerable and authentic

5. Female friend groups provide strength, support, and empowerment

"There is this profound understanding that comes from growing up together. Our lives look so different, but we get to live vicariously through the other person."

Collective empowerment. Female friend groups offer a unique form of support and empowerment. These circles of friends provide a safe space for women to share their experiences, challenges, and triumphs, fostering personal growth and boosting confidence.

Strength in numbers. Together, women in these groups can tackle challenges, celebrate successes, and navigate life's ups and downs with a strong support system. This collective strength often translates into increased resilience and empowerment in various aspects of life, from careers to personal relationships.

Benefits of female friend groups:

  • Shared wisdom and diverse perspectives
  • Emotional support during difficult times
  • Celebration of individual and collective achievements
  • Networking and professional opportunities
  • Safe space for vulnerability and authenticity

6. Maintaining friendships through life changes and transitions

"Everything just shifted. We grew up. The friendship carried us into the next phase of our lives."

Adapting relationships. As women go through major life changes such as marriage, having children, or career shifts, maintaining friendships can be challenging. However, many women are finding ways to adapt their friendships to accommodate these changes, recognizing the importance of these connections throughout different life stages.

Flexibility and understanding. Successful long-term friendships often require flexibility and understanding as life circumstances change. Women are learning to communicate openly about their needs and limitations, finding new ways to connect and support each other even when their daily lives may look very different.

Strategies for maintaining friendships through transitions:

  • Regular check-ins, even if less frequent
  • Embracing new forms of communication (e.g., video calls, group chats)
  • Planning occasional in-person meetups or trips
  • Being understanding of changing time constraints and priorities
  • Finding shared interests that align with new life stages

7. The evolution of female friendships in media and popular culture

"These squad goals pictures, then, were women chipping away at the judgment that when we get together we're awful to one another."

Shifting representations. Media portrayals of female friendships have evolved significantly, moving away from stereotypes of catty competition to more nuanced, supportive relationships. This change reflects and influences real-life perceptions of women's relationships with each other.

Positive impact. As more authentic representations of female friendships appear in movies, TV shows, and social media, women are seeing the value of these relationships reflected back at them. This visibility helps normalize and celebrate the importance of female friendships in women's lives.

Examples of positive female friendship portrayals:

  • TV shows: Parks and Recreation, Broad City, Insecure
  • Movies: Bridesmaids, Girls Trip
  • Social media: #squadgoals, Instagram posts celebrating female friendships
  • Books and memoirs focusing on the power of female friendships

8. Embracing the power of "text me when you get home"

"Text me when you get home. Usually it's late when women say this to each other, the end of a night that at some point felt thrilling."

More than safety. The phrase "text me when you get home" has become a symbol of the care and connection between female friends. While it does address safety concerns, it also represents a deeper emotional bond and desire to stay connected even after parting ways.

Cultural shift. This simple phrase encapsulates a broader cultural shift towards valuing and nurturing female friendships. It represents a commitment to each other's well-being and a recognition of the ongoing nature of these relationships, extending beyond just the time spent together in person.

Significance of "text me when you get home":

  • Shows concern for friend's safety
  • Extends the connection beyond face-to-face interaction
  • Represents emotional support and care
  • Reinforces the strength of the friendship bond
  • Challenges the notion that women are competitive or uncaring towards each other

Last updated:

Review Summary

3.47 out of 5
Average of 8k+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

Text Me When You Get Home received mixed reviews. Many readers appreciated the exploration of female friendships but felt the book lacked depth and diversity. Critics noted an overreliance on pop culture references and personal anecdotes, with limited historical context. Some found it relatable and heartwarming, while others considered it superficial and repetitive. The book's focus on white, heteronormative experiences was a common criticism. Despite its flaws, some readers found value in its celebration of women's relationships and its potential to inspire reflection on one's own friendships.

Your rating:

About the Author

Kayleen Schaefer is an accomplished journalist with a diverse portfolio of work published in prestigious outlets. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, Vogue, The New Yorker, and Vanity Fair, among other notable publications. Schaefer's experience spans various topics and writing styles, demonstrating her versatility as a writer. Her book "Text Me When You Get Home" explores the evolution and importance of female friendships in modern society, drawing from both personal experiences and cultural observations. Schaefer's journalistic background likely informs her approach to storytelling and research, blending personal anecdotes with broader social commentary. Her work contributes to ongoing discussions about women's relationships and their significance in contemporary culture.

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