The Coaching Habit

1. Master the art of asking powerful questions to become a more effective leader

You need a way to manage the temptation to jump into fixing that opening challenge.

The coaching habit. This book introduces a new approach to leadership, centered around asking powerful questions rather than providing immediate solutions. By shifting from advice-giving to curiosity-driven inquiry, leaders can unlock their team's potential and foster greater autonomy and growth.

Seven essential questions. The core of this approach consists of seven carefully crafted questions:

• What's on your mind? (The Kickstart Question)
• And what else? (The AWE Question)
• What's the real challenge here for you? (The Focus Question)
• What do you want? (The Foundation Question)
• How can I help? (The Lazy Question)
• If you're saying Yes to this, what are you saying No to? (The Strategic Question)
• What was most useful for you? (The Learning Question)

By mastering these questions, leaders can create more meaningful conversations, help their team members find their own solutions, and ultimately become more effective in their roles.

2. Use the "Kickstart Question" to initiate meaningful conversations

"What's on your mind?" is a question that says, Let's talk about the thing that matters most.

Open-ended yet focused. The Kickstart Question, "What's on your mind?", serves as a powerful conversation starter. It's open enough to allow the other person to bring up what's most important to them, yet focused enough to avoid aimless small talk.

The 3P model. To further focus the conversation, use the 3P model:

• Projects: Content of the situation
• People: Relationships and interactions
• Patterns: Behaviors and ways of working

By using this question and model, leaders can quickly dive into meaningful discussions and address the most pressing issues their team members face.

3. Employ the "AWE Question" to generate more options and insights

"And what else?"—the AWE Question—has magical properties.

Unlock potential. The AWE Question, "And what else?", is a simple yet powerful tool to generate more ideas and insights. By asking this question multiple times, leaders can help their team members uncover options they might not have considered initially.

Benefits of the AWE Question:

• Generates more options, leading to better decisions
• Tames the leader's "Advice Monster" by encouraging curiosity
• Buys time for the leader to process information
• Creates space for deeper thinking and reflection

Aim to ask this question at least three times in a conversation to fully explore the topic at hand.

4. Focus on the real challenge with the "Focus Question"

Focus on the real problem, not the first problem.

Dig deeper. The Focus Question, "What's the real challenge here for you?", helps leaders and team members identify the core issue at hand. Often, the first problem presented is not the real challenge that needs addressing.

Addressing common pitfalls:

• Proliferation of Challenges: Too many problems presented at once
• Coaching the Ghost: Discussing a third party instead of the real issue
• Abstractions & Generalizations: Vague, high-level discussions

By using the Focus Question, leaders can cut through these foggy situations and hone in on the true challenge, leading to more effective problem-solving and decision-making.

5. Uncover true desires with the "Foundation Question"

Taking responsibility for your own freedom is notoriously difficult to do.

Adult-to-adult conversations. The Foundation Question, "What do you want?", is at the heart of mature, productive relationships in the workplace. It encourages people to take responsibility for their own needs and desires.

Challenges in answering:

• People often don't know what they want
• It can be difficult to ask for what we want
• Communicating desires clearly can be challenging
• Hearing "No" as an answer can be uncomfortable

By regularly asking this question, leaders can foster a culture of clarity, directness, and mutual respect, leading to more effective collaboration and problem-solving.

6. Avoid overcommitment with the "Lazy Question"

How can I help?

Clarify requests. The Lazy Question, "How can I help?", serves two important purposes. First, it forces the other person to make a clear, specific request. Second, it prevents the leader from jumping into action without fully understanding the situation.

Benefits of being "lazy":

• Encourages clear communication
• Prevents unnecessary work or misguided assistance
• Allows the leader to assess whether they can or should fulfill the request
• Empowers team members to think through their own needs

By embracing this "lazy" approach, leaders can avoid overcommitment and ensure their efforts are truly helpful and aligned with their team's needs.

7. Make strategic decisions using the "Strategic Question"

A Yes is nothing without the No that gives it boundaries and form.

Thoughtful commitments. The Strategic Question, "If you're saying Yes to this, what are you saying No to?", helps leaders and team members make more intentional decisions. It encourages consideration of the trade-offs involved in any commitment.

Types of "No" to consider:

• No of omission: What options are automatically eliminated by saying Yes?
• No of commission: What must be stopped or changed to make the Yes possible?

By regularly asking this question, leaders can help their teams prioritize effectively, avoid overcommitment, and ensure that their efforts are aligned with strategic goals.

8. Embed learning with the "Learning Question"

What's essential is to interrupt the process of forgetting.

Double-loop learning. The Learning Question, "What was most useful for you?", helps create a moment of reflection and insight at the end of a conversation or meeting. This question encourages "double-loop learning," where people not only address the immediate issue but also create a learning moment about the process itself.

Benefits of the Learning Question:

• Assumes the conversation was useful, framing it positively
• Encourages identification of key takeaways
• Makes learning personal and subjective
• Provides feedback to the leader
• Reinforces the value of the interaction

By consistently using this question, leaders can help their team members extract maximum value from every interaction and continually improve their skills and knowledge.

9. Build new habits to transform your leadership approach

If you define your new habit in an abstract and slightly vague way, you won't get traction.

The New Habit Formula. To effectively change behavior and implement the coaching habit, leaders should use the following formula:

1. Identify the trigger: When this happens...
2. Identify the old habit: Instead of...
3. Define the new behavior: I will...

Keys to successful habit formation:

• Be specific about the trigger and new behavior
• Keep the new habit short (less than 60 seconds)
• Practice deeply through repetition and mindfulness
• Plan for setbacks and how to get back on track

By consciously building new habits around these powerful questions, leaders can transform their approach to management and coaching.

10. Embrace the neuroscience of engagement to foster better relationships

Five times a second, at an unconscious level, your brain is scanning the environment around you and asking itself: Is it safe here? Or is it dangerous?

The TERA model. Understanding the neuroscience of engagement can help leaders create an environment that fosters better relationships and productivity. The TERA model outlines four key drivers of engagement:

• Tribe: Are you with me or against me?
• Expectation: Do I know what's going to happen?
• Rank: What's my relative importance?
• Autonomy: Do I have a choice?

Applying TERA in leadership:

• Ask questions to increase the sense of tribe and autonomy
• Provide clear expectations when possible
• Respect and elevate others' status through active listening
• Offer choices and encourage independent problem-solving

By considering these neurological drivers in their interactions, leaders can create a more engaging, productive, and positive work environment for their teams.

Last updated: January 22, 2025