The Common Rule

1. Habits shape our hearts and lives more than we realize

We become our habits.

Invisible formation. Our daily routines and small choices powerfully shape who we become, often without us realizing it. Studies suggest up to 40% of our daily actions are habits, not conscious decisions. These unconscious patterns form our hearts, priorities, and character over time.

Liturgies of life. Habits can be viewed as liturgies - repeated patterns that form us in certain ways. Just as religious liturgies aim to shape worshippers, our everyday habits shape what we love and value. The question is not whether we have liturgies, but what they are forming us to worship.

Intentional habits. By becoming aware of our habits and intentionally cultivating good ones, we can direct our formation. Small, consistent practices around prayer, Scripture, relationships, technology use, and rest can gradually transform our hearts and lives to be more aligned with God's desires for us.

2. Daily prayer frames our days in love and purpose

Say your prayers until your prayers say you.

Realigning our focus. Regular prayer, especially at key transition points in the day, helps reorient our minds and hearts toward God's purposes. It's a way of framing our day in love rather than anxiety, selfishness, or drivenness.

Practical approaches:

• Kneeling prayer in the morning, midday, and evening
• Using written prayers or a prayer app to build consistency
• Pairing prayer with daily routines like commuting or mealtimes

Transformative power. As we persist in daily prayer, even when it feels dry or forced, it gradually reshapes our perspective. We begin to see our work, relationships, and challenges through the lens of God's love and purposes, rather than our own limited vision.

3. Communal meals cultivate deeper relationships and hospitality

How we live together may be the greatest sermon we preach.

Centered on the table. Making shared meals a priority reorients our lives around relationships and hospitality. It requires intentionally structuring our schedules and spaces to prioritize eating together regularly.

Benefits of communal eating:

• Builds deeper connections through unhurried conversation
• Creates natural opportunities for vulnerability and storytelling
• Fosters a sense of belonging and shared identity
• Provides a tangible way to welcome others and practice hospitality

Counter-cultural practice. In a culture of busyness and individualism, prioritizing communal meals is a powerful witness. It demonstrates the value of relationships, presence, and shared life in a tangible way.

4. Limiting phone use fosters genuine presence and connection

To be two places at a time is to be no place at all.

Resisting fragmented attention. Our phones constantly tempt us to divide our presence across multiple spaces, ultimately leaving us less present anywhere. Intentionally limiting phone use helps us give our full attention to the people and tasks before us.

Practical strategies:

• Turn off phone for one dedicated hour each day
• Create phone-free zones or times (e.g., during meals, before bed)
• Use "Do Not Disturb" settings strategically
• Communicate availability expectations to others

Rediscovering presence. As we practice being fully present without our phones, we often rediscover the richness of undistracted engagement with others, our surroundings, and our own thoughts.

5. Starting the day with Scripture grounds our identity in God's love

We can't become ourselves by looking inward, and we can't become ourselves by staring at our strange reflections in the screen. We have to look into the Word.

Combating false narratives. Beginning each day by engaging with Scripture, before checking our phones, helps ground our identity in God's love rather than in the demands, comparisons, and anxieties that often flood our devices.

Shaping our perspective. This practice:

• Reminds us of our true identity as God's beloved children
• Reorients our priorities around God's kingdom
• Provides wisdom and encouragement for the day ahead
• Cultivates a habit of seeking God's voice first

Practical approaches. Use a Bible reading plan, devotional app, or simply read a Psalm each morning. The key is consistency and intentionality in engaging with God's word before other voices crowd in.

6. Regular conversations build vulnerable, life-giving friendships

Vulnerability and time turn people who have a relationship into people who have a friendship. That's what friendship is: vulnerability across time.

Intentional investment. Scheduling regular, focused conversations with friends creates space for deeper connection and vulnerability to develop over time. This habit resists the tendency for busyness to crowd out meaningful friendships.

Elements of life-giving friendships:

• Face-to-face, distraction-free time together
• Willingness to be honest about struggles and failures
• Consistent presence through different life seasons
• Mutual encouragement and accountability

Gospel embodiment. Cultivating friendships where we know and are fully known, yet still loved, reflects the heart of the gospel. It provides a tangible experience of God's grace and acceptance.

7. Curating media intake shapes our worldview and values

For better or worse, we will become the stories we give our attention to.

Intentional consumption. In a world of endless content, we must actively choose what media we engage with, rather than passively consuming whatever comes our way. This curation shapes our imagination, values, and understanding of the world.

Curating for:

• Beauty: Seeking out art and stories that nourish the soul
• Justice: Engaging with diverse voices and perspectives on social issues
• Community: Choosing media that fosters connection rather than isolation

Practical steps:

• Set a weekly time limit for media consumption (e.g., 4 hours)
• Create a list of quality books, films, or shows to engage with intentionally
• Discuss media choices with others to process and reflect on their impact

8. Fasting reveals our true needs and the world's brokenness

To fast is to suffer.

Embracing discomfort. Regular fasting from food or other comforts helps us confront our dependence, expose our hidden desires, and cultivate empathy for those in need.

Multifaceted practice. Fasting:

• Reveals our reliance on God rather than temporal comforts
• Heightens our awareness of the world's brokenness and injustice
• Creates space for focused prayer and spiritual reflection
• Develops self-discipline and delayed gratification

Flexible approaches. While traditionally focused on abstaining from food, fasting can involve temporarily giving up other comforts or habits (e.g., social media, shopping, television) to create space for spiritual growth and awareness.

9. Sabbath rest reminds us that God, not us, sustains the world

Sabbath is the essence of our salvation. We can rest because God has done all that needs to be done.

Countercultural rhythm. Regularly setting aside a full day for rest and worship challenges our culture's idolatry of productivity and self-reliance. It's a tangible way of trusting God's provision and sufficiency.

Elements of life-giving Sabbath:

• Ceasing from work and productivity
• Engaging in worship and spiritual reflection
• Enjoying relationships and God's creation
• Practicing hospitality and communal celebration

Practical considerations. Sabbath looks different in various life stages and vocations. The key is establishing a consistent rhythm of rest and reorientation toward God's purposes.

10. Embracing failure is part of the journey to a beautiful life

Failure is not the enemy of formation; it is the liturgy of formation.

Growth through struggle. Our failures and shortcomings in cultivating good habits are not signs of defeat, but opportunities for growth and deeper reliance on God's grace.

Reframing failure:

• Reveals our ongoing need for God's transforming work
• Cultivates humility and empathy toward others
• Provides opportunities to experience and extend forgiveness
• Highlights areas for continued growth and dependence on God

Beautiful brokenness. Like kintsugi pottery, where broken pieces are mended with gold, our failures and healing can become part of the unique beauty of our lives as we're transformed by God's grace.

Last updated: January 23, 2025