The Lost Art of Connecting

1. The Art of Connecting: Ask "How Can I Help?"

"How can I help?"

Shift your mindset. Instead of approaching networking with a "what's in it for me" attitude, focus on how you can be of service to others. This simple question immediately puts you in a position of offering value, rather than seeking to extract it. It creates a more balanced and authentic interaction, setting the foundation for a meaningful relationship.

Create value exchanges. By asking how you can help, you open the door to mutually beneficial relationships. This approach allows you to:

• Identify needs and opportunities you might not have otherwise discovered
• Showcase your skills and expertise in a natural, non-self-promotional way
• Build goodwill and reciprocity, as people are more likely to help those who have helped them

Foster genuine connections. When you lead with generosity, people are more likely to open up and share their challenges, dreams, and goals. This vulnerability creates a deeper level of trust and understanding, paving the way for more meaningful and lasting connections.

2. Build Your Constellation Through Meaningful Relationships

"Every single person is an introduction to something else: another person, a unique skill, a new project, or something you inevitably will learn about yourself."

Expand your perspective. View each person you meet as a potential star in your constellation of connections. This mindset shift helps you:

• Appreciate the unique value each individual brings
• Remain open to unexpected opportunities and learnings
• Create a diverse and dynamic network that extends beyond your immediate field or interests

Cultivate depth and breadth. Building a constellation involves:

• Developing deep, meaningful relationships with a core group of individuals
• Maintaining a broader network of looser ties that can provide diverse perspectives and opportunities
• Regularly assessing and nurturing your relationships to ensure they remain active and valuable

Leverage synergies. Look for ways to connect the stars in your constellation:

• Introduce people who might benefit from knowing each other
• Combine skills and knowledge from different contacts to create innovative solutions
• Use your network to amplify your impact and reach in various endeavors

3. Gather: Proactively Create Opportunities for Connection

"Invite to get invited."

Be the host. Take initiative in creating gatherings and events, rather than waiting for invitations. This approach:

• Puts you in control of who you meet and the context of your interactions
• Allows you to curate experiences that align with your interests and goals
• Positions you as a connector and valuable resource in your network

Create diverse gatherings. When organizing events, consider:

• Mixing people from different industries, backgrounds, and expertise levels
• Choosing themes or topics that encourage meaningful conversation
• Incorporating activities that facilitate natural interaction and connection

Leverage both online and offline spaces. Maximize your gathering potential by:

• Hosting virtual events to connect with people regardless of location
• Organizing in-person meetups to foster deeper connections
• Creating hybrid events that combine the best of both worlds

4. Ask: Deepen Relationships Through Curiosity and Empathy

"Listening is the doorway to understanding."

Develop active listening skills. Practice truly hearing and understanding others by:

• Giving your full attention to the speaker
• Asking clarifying questions to ensure comprehension
• Avoiding interruptions or premature judgments

Ask meaningful questions. Go beyond small talk to foster deeper connections:

• Inquire about people's passions, challenges, and goals
• Show genuine interest in their experiences and perspectives
• Use open-ended questions to encourage more detailed responses

Practice empathy. Put yourself in others' shoes to build stronger relationships:

• Try to understand their emotions and motivations
• Validate their feelings and experiences
• Offer support or resources when appropriate

5. Do: Turn Connections into Meaningful Action

"Relationships are a social, emotional, and material investment."

Follow through consistently. Build trust and deepen connections by:

• Keeping promises and commitments
• Following up on conversations and ideas
• Offering help or resources as discussed

Collaborate on projects. Turn connections into tangible outcomes:

• Identify shared interests or complementary skills
• Propose joint ventures or collaborations
• Work together to solve problems or create new opportunities

Support others' goals. Actively contribute to the success of your connections:

• Share relevant opportunities or information
• Provide introductions to helpful contacts
• Offer mentorship or guidance when appropriate

6. Embrace Diversity and Inclusion in Your Network

"Authentic and diverse conversations enhance our personal and professional lives exponentially."

Seek out diverse perspectives. Actively expand your network to include:

• People from different cultural and ethnic backgrounds
• Individuals with varied professional experiences and expertise
• Those with different socioeconomic statuses and life experiences

Create inclusive spaces. Ensure your gatherings and interactions are welcoming to all:

• Consider accessibility and accommodation needs
• Use inclusive language and practices
• Actively work to address any biases or exclusionary behaviors

Learn from differences. Embrace the opportunity to grow through diverse connections:

• Ask questions to understand different viewpoints
• Challenge your own assumptions and preconceptions
• Use diverse perspectives to inform your decisions and actions

7. Cultivate Trust Through Authenticity and Follow-Through

"Trust is built slowly, one coffee, one Tweet, one conversation at a time."

Be consistently authentic. Build trust by:

• Showing up as your true self in all interactions
• Being honest about your strengths and limitations
• Admitting mistakes and taking responsibility for your actions

Demonstrate reliability. Prove your trustworthiness through:

• Consistently meeting deadlines and commitments
• Following through on promises, no matter how small
• Communicating clearly and proactively, especially when challenges arise

Practice vulnerability. Deepen connections by:

• Sharing appropriate personal experiences and challenges
• Asking for help when needed
• Expressing gratitude and appreciation openly

8. Leverage Technology to Enhance, Not Replace, Human Connection

"When you communicate in a way that humanizes that person, that sees them as a daughter, a friend, someone who experiences grief, loss, fear, triumph, and joy, the particular medium isn't important."

Use digital tools mindfully. Enhance your connections through technology by:

• Choosing the right platform for each interaction (e.g., video for more personal conversations, text for quick check-ins)
• Maintaining a consistent online presence that reflects your authentic self
• Using social media to stay informed about your connections' lives and achievements

Balance online and offline interactions. Create a healthy mix of:

• Virtual meetings for convenience and global reach
• In-person gatherings for deeper, more personal connections
• Hybrid events that combine the benefits of both formats

Humanize digital communications. Infuse warmth and personality into your online interactions:

• Use video calls to capture non-verbal cues and expressions
• Incorporate personal touches in written communications (e.g., referencing previous conversations or shared experiences)
• Be mindful of tone and context in text-based interactions

9. Invest in People and Spread the Wealth

"What I have given these female founders may have gone to fund hiring, technology platforms, or expansion into new markets. But if you were to ask any of the women that I've supported, my guess is that they would tell you that what they valued most about my involvement wasn't the money, but the relationships that they developed through our connection."

Support underrepresented groups. Invest your resources (time, money, expertise) in:

• Women-led businesses and initiatives
• Minority-owned enterprises
• Social impact projects and organizations

Create opportunities for others. Use your influence and resources to:

• Mentor emerging talent in your field
• Provide introductions and recommendations
• Offer financial support or in-kind services to promising ventures

Foster a culture of giving. Encourage wealth-spreading by:

• Organizing giving circles or investment groups
• Sharing knowledge about responsible investing and philanthropy
• Celebrating and amplifying the successes of those you support

10. Align with Passion and Purpose, Not Just Projects

"Surround yourself with people you find inspiring and continue to spark your curiosity—even if their passions and pursuits have little to do with your career goals."

Connect based on shared values. Seek out relationships with people who:

• Share your core beliefs and principles
• Are passionate about making a positive impact
• Inspire you to grow and evolve

Pursue purpose-driven collaborations. Focus on:

• Initiatives that align with your personal mission
• Projects that create meaningful change
• Partnerships that allow you to leverage your unique strengths for a greater good

Remain open to unexpected connections. Allow yourself to:

• Explore interests outside your primary field
• Engage with people from diverse backgrounds and industries
• Be inspired by others' passions, even if they differ from your own

11. Innovate on Traditional Meeting Formats

"We are in a moment, where through necessity, millions of people are using tools that weren't built for the purposes they are now using them for."

Experiment with new formats. Think beyond traditional coffee meetings or conference calls:

• Try walking meetings for one-on-one conversations
• Use virtual reality platforms for immersive group experiences
• Incorporate interactive elements like polls or breakout rooms in virtual meetings

Tailor the format to the purpose. Consider:

• The goals of the interaction (e.g., brainstorming, decision-making, relationship-building)
• The number and diversity of participants
• The time and resources available

Embrace emerging technologies. Stay open to new tools and platforms that can enhance connection:

• Explore AI-powered networking tools
• Experiment with augmented reality for remote collaboration
• Utilize platforms designed for specific types of interactions (e.g., virtual trade shows, online workshops)

12. Connect with Your Local Community

"Unlike some of the other social platforms, where they want you to spend immense amounts of time on the platform itself, Nextdoor was created as a means to an end—a vehicle for connecting you with people nearby, so that you can actually meet face-to-face and have more human connections."

Engage with your neighbors. Foster local connections by:

• Participating in community events and initiatives
• Offering help or resources to those nearby
• Using platforms like Nextdoor to stay informed about local happenings

Support local businesses and organizations. Strengthen your community by:

• Shopping at local stores and markets
• Volunteering for local nonprofits
• Attending and promoting local events and performances

Create local gathering spaces. Contribute to community-building by:

• Organizing neighborhood meetups or block parties
• Establishing or joining local interest groups (e.g., book clubs, sports teams)
• Advocating for public spaces that encourage interaction and connection

Last updated: February 4, 2025