The Mind Workout

1. Mental Health is Fitness, Not Illness

If you don’t run, it’s not weird if you can’t run.

Mental fitness is improvable. Just like physical fitness, mental health is not a fixed state but something that can be improved through consistent effort and practice. Struggling with mental health is normal if you haven't been actively working on it, similar to how it's normal to struggle with running if you haven't trained. This perspective shifts the focus from inherent disorder to developable skills.

Biology supports fitness. While mental illnesses are real biological experiences, the capacity to handle difficult mental experiences is built through practice, just as physical fitness is built through working with your body's biology. Hormone levels or brain scans might show differences, but these don't necessarily indicate an unchangeable disease; they reflect a current state of fitness that can be improved. No amount of positive thinking alone can build the necessary skills or capacity.

Illness-first approach limits. Society often adopts an illness-first approach, offering help only in crisis. This book proposes a radical idea: it's not weird to struggle if you're not maintaining mental health. Everyone has a brain, everyone has mental health, and everyone can improve it by learning skills and working through difficult experiences, much like training for a marathon.

2. Focus on Problems, Not Symptoms

Pain is a symptom.

Symptoms mask root problems. Feelings like anxiety, depression, or intrusive thoughts are often symptoms, not the root problems themselves. Focusing solely on relieving these symptoms without addressing their cause is like taking painkillers for a monster chewing on your leg – it might alleviate the pain temporarily, but the underlying damage continues and worsens.

Compulsions are the problem. The core problem often lies in our compulsive behaviors – anything we do to cope with, check on, or control uncertainty, anxiety, and other feelings we dislike. These actions, whether obvious or subtle, provide short-term relief but inevitably cause more pain and suffering in the long term, becoming their own addiction. Examples include:

• Checking phone messages compulsively
• Avoiding social situations due to fear of judgment
• Restricting eating to control perceived flaws
• Procrastinating to avoid discomfort

Identify the monster. We must look past the immediate pain to recognize the "monster" – the source of the pain. Sometimes this is external (inequality, violence), but often it's internal, stemming from our own actions like engaging in compulsions. Understanding this connection is crucial for making lasting change.

3. Embrace Feelings & Uncertainty

You are not a rock.

Humans feel things. Unlike rocks, humans feel a wide range of emotions and experience uncertainty. Trying to avoid difficult feelings like anxiety, guilt, or loneliness is an attempt to be like a rock, which ultimately makes us sink when faced with challenges. Developing the ability to handle emotions means feeling more, especially the feelings that challenge us.

Avoiding makes things harder. Trying to avoid difficult experiences makes them more difficult in the long run. Just as avoiding strenuous exercise makes you weaker, avoiding anxiety makes you more anxious. Emotional fitness is built by pushing into discomfort, feeling it, and continuing to act according to your values despite it.

Uncertainty is inevitable. Life is full of uncertainty. Trying to eliminate it through checking or controlling behaviors is futile and fuels the very anxiety we seek to avoid. Learning to accept uncertainty as a natural part of life is fundamental to improving mental health and freeing up energy to pursue what matters.

4. Mindfulness & Meditation are Core Practices

Practice is perfect.

Mindfulness is present awareness. Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally. It's about being aware of your internal and external experiences – including thoughts and emotions as senses – without getting lost in the past or future, or judging what arises. It's a way of doing and being, not a separate activity.

Mindlessness is the opposite. Mindlessness is unintentional attention, lost in thought, judging everything. Years of practicing mindlessness (e.g., constantly multitasking, ruminating) train the brain to be easily distracted and reactive. Mindfulness is the counter-practice that builds the skill of bringing awareness back to the present.

Meditation is focused practice. Meditation is the focused drill for mindfulness, building the strength and endurance to apply present awareness in daily life. It's difficult, not a quick fix for calm. It's about noticing when the mind wanders and gently bringing it back, like lifting a weight. Consistency is key, starting small and gradually pushing into discomfort while being kind to yourself.

5. Cut Out Compulsions: Coping, Checking, Controlling

Your ‘solutions’ are part of the problem.

Compulsions are reactive patterns. Compulsions are actions taken in reaction to unwanted internal experiences (uncertainty, anxiety, feelings). They fall into three overlapping categories: coping (replacing bad feelings with good ones), checking (eliminating uncertainty), and controlling (preventing unwanted experiences). These patterns, regardless of the specific behavior, reinforce the cycle of distress.

Coping rewards distress. Coping behaviors (e.g., stress eating, excessive gaming, even 'healthy' activities used to escape feelings) teach the brain that distress is a prerequisite for reward. This makes unhappiness necessary for feeling good, creating a cycle where you need to feel bad to justify the coping mechanism.

Checking fuels uncertainty. Checking behaviors (e.g., re-reading emails, seeking reassurance, constantly checking news/social media) provide temporary relief from uncertainty but train the brain to generate more uncertainties to chase. This creates a never-ending loop of seeking certainty that can consume vast amounts of time and energy.

Controlling increases need for control. Controlling behaviors (e.g., micromanaging, lying to manage perception, avoiding situations) attempt to prevent feared outcomes but often cause them or worse. The more you try to control, the more you feel the need to control, trapping you in a cycle of fear-driven manipulation that damages relationships and limits freedom.

6. Break the IF X THEN Y Thinking Pattern

IF X THEN Y.

Toxic conditional logic. The IF X THEN Y pattern is a core program driving compulsions: IF I experience X (a feeling, thought, uncertainty), THEN I must do Y (a compulsion) to feel okay or prevent a feared outcome. This creates a dependency where the unwanted experience (X) becomes the trigger for action (Y), reinforcing the cycle.

Magical thinking is common. This pattern often involves 'magical thinking,' believing a specific action (Y) can control unrelated outcomes (X), like believing praying correctly prevents accidents or looking a certain way guarantees being liked. This sets a trap: if the action isn't performed or doesn't yield the desired outcome, the feared consequence feels inevitable and terrifying.

The alternative is IF X THEN X. The antidote is to break this pattern and simply accept X for what it is. IF I feel stressed, THEN I feel stressed. It doesn't automatically mean I can't function or that something terrible will happen. Mindfulness helps create space to experience X without automatically triggering Y, allowing you to choose actions aligned with values instead of reacting compulsively.

7. Fuel Life with Values, Not Fear

Values are the directions we want to move in with each step we take in our lives.

Fear dictates, values guide. When fear is the primary fuel for actions, life becomes a reaction to things we want to avoid (e.g., fear of judgment leads to people-pleasing). This takes us away from who we are and what truly matters. Values, conversely, act as a compass, guiding our steps towards building a life aligned with our deepest desires and identity.

Values pull through difficulty. The "Unhappiness Curve" illustrates that change and innovation involve increased discomfort. Values provide the pull needed to push through this discomfort instead of falling back on familiar, fear-driven behaviors. Accepting anxiety while acting on values is the practice of choosing long-term well-being over short-term relief.

Align actions with identity. Mental health is the practice of being yourself. A gap between who you are (values) and how you act (fear-driven compulsions) creates anxiety and depression. Investing time and energy in things that matter to you, guided by values, is key to bridging this gap and building a fulfilling life.

8. Understand & Accept Your Fears

Your brain is trying to help you.

Fears have common roots. Beneath the surface of specific symptoms and compulsions lie a few core fears (e.g., fear of death, being alone, losing resources). Trying to tackle each symptom individually is inefficient; understanding the underlying fears allows you to address the root cause.

Brain's helpful logic. The brain, in its attempt to protect you, logically generates more uncertainties related to your fears when you react compulsively. If you fear death and check for signs of illness, the brain learns that death is dangerous and provides more death-related worries to check, creating a cycle of obsession.

Acceptance disarms fear. Learning to accept the feared consequences (e.g., accepting you might die, be hated, fail) shows the brain that these experiences are not as catastrophic as it believes. This doesn't mean you want them to happen, but that you trust yourself to handle them if they do. This practice, often challenging, helps loosen the fear's grip and prevents it from dictating your actions.

9. Challenge Unhelpful Beliefs & Desires

Beliefs are choices.

Beliefs shape reality. Our core beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world significantly influence our experiences and actions. Unhelpful beliefs (e.g., "My value comes from external validation," "Thinking bad thoughts makes me a bad person") fuel judgments and desires that push us into compulsive behaviors.

Desires can be destructive. Desires, especially those focused on avoiding feelings (e.g., wanting to eliminate anxiety, wanting certainty), can consume our lives. If you desire to stop being sad more than anything, your brain will provide sadness so you can constantly chase relief, reinforcing the cycle.

Externalize and question. Making beliefs and desires visible (e.g., writing them down, using sticky notes) helps to externalize them, creating space for critical reflection. You can then question their usefulness and choose to adopt new beliefs that better align with your values and support long-term well-being. Showing your brain through action that you trust yourself is key to changing beliefs about self-worth and capability.

10. Practise Non-Judgement

Judgement is the first compulsion.

Judgement triggers distress. Judging internal or external experiences (thoughts, feelings, people, situations) is often the initial spark that ignites the chain reaction of unwanted feelings (anxiety, anger, fear) and pushes us into compulsions. We don't judge everything (like ugly paint or leaves); our judgments are selective and tied to our beliefs and fears.

Non-judgement is awareness without reaction. Practicing non-judgement means recognizing experiences (thoughts, feelings, sensations) for what they are, without attaching labels of 'good' or 'bad' or feeling compelled to act on them. It's about creating space between you and the experience, like seeing clouds in the sky without letting them control your mood or actions.

Develop capacity for choice. Non-judgement isn't about agreeing with or ignoring difficult things; it's about developing the capacity to choose how you respond. By not automatically judging and reacting, you free up mental energy and gain the freedom to act according to your values, even when experiencing things you dislike. This practice is fundamental to breaking the cycle of fear-driven compulsions.

11. Make Happiness a Practice

Happiness is its own distinct practice.

Happiness isn't absence of fear. Happiness is not merely the absence of fear or the result of defeating internal enemies. Believing this traps you in a cycle of needing problems to solve to feel good. Happiness is an active practice, built through consistent effort, just like any other skill or state of being.

Stockholm Syndrome with compulsions. Many people develop a form of "Stockholm Syndrome" with their compulsions and the resulting suffering. They may hate the pain but fear escaping it more, clinging to the perceived benefits (brief relief, certainty) and believing the "cage" of compulsions is protective. Overcoming this requires recognizing the prison and choosing freedom despite the fear.

Track functioning, not feelings. When making changes, focus on tracking your functioning (your ability to do what matters) rather than solely relying on how you feel. Making healthy changes is often uncomfortable and doesn't immediately feel "happy." Consistent action aligned with values, even through discomfort, is the path to long-term happiness. Practicing gratitude for simple things is one way to build capacity for positive emotions.

12. Plan for the Journey & Avoid Relapse

Normal got you here.

The journey has barriers. The path to better mental health is a wilderness adventure with common obstacles. Recognizing these barriers helps you plan and navigate them effectively. Key barriers include:

• Believing you're uniquely different or exempt from challenges.
• Trying to "get" understanding from others (a controlling compulsion).
• Failing to dismantle life systems (relationships, work habits) built around old compulsions.
• Mistaking external changes (new job, location) for internal skill development.
• Wanting to avoid relapse at all costs.

Don't go back to normal. The "normal" way of living, often filled with subtle compulsions and fear-driven reactions, is what led to struggles. Aiming to return to that state is counterproductive. Embrace a new way of being, proactively fueled by values, even if it feels "abnormal" compared to past habits or societal norms.

Embrace the possibility of relapse. Paradoxically, wanting to avoid relapse can become a barrier. Accepting that setbacks are possible allows you to plan for them and view them as opportunities to learn and return to your path, rather than catastrophic failures. Seek support from others who have walked similar paths; you don't have to navigate this complex journey alone.

Last updated: May 4, 2025