The Pocket Guide to Mischief

1. Embrace Mischief Responsibly

But mischief makers actually provide a valuable service to the rest of society.

Mischief as a Social Good. Mischief, when done right, isn't just about causing trouble; it's about injecting humor and spontaneity into a world that can often take itself too seriously. It's a way to challenge norms, spark laughter, and create memorable stories. However, the key is to balance the desire for fun with a sense of responsibility.

Rules of Engagement. The book lays down some ground rules for pranking, hoaxing, and general mischief-making. These include:

• Safety first: Avoid any actions that could cause physical harm.
• Respect property: Don't damage or destroy anything.
• Be sly: The best pranks are the ones where you don't get caught.
• Never hurt anyone's feelings: The goal is to make people laugh, not to make them feel bad.
• Avoid pranking for money: Unless, of course, someone offers you some.

The Mischief Maker's Code. Responsible mischief is about being clever, creative, and non-destructive. It's about making people laugh, not making them victims. It's about adding a little spice to life, not causing chaos.

2. Target Wisely, Prank Kindly

It is double pleasure to deceive the deceiver.

Choosing Your Nemesis. The book emphasizes the importance of selecting a "Nemesis" carefully. This isn't about picking on someone weaker or more vulnerable than you; it's about finding someone who can appreciate a good prank and give as good as they get.

Qualities of a Good Nemesis:

• Someone your age, size, and "popularity."
• A fellow mischief-maker.
• Someone who isn't supersensitive or shy.

The Art of the Friendly Prank. The goal isn't to humiliate or hurt your Nemesis, but to engage in a playful battle of wits. It's about creating a fun, ongoing rivalry that both of you can enjoy.

3. Master Harmless Trickery

Now, let it work; mischief, thou art afoot, Take thou what course thou wilt!

Defining Harmless Pranks. The book distinguishes between pranks that are funny and those that are just plain mean. It emphasizes that the goal of a good prank is to make people laugh, not to make them feel bad.

Abbie Hoffman's Prank Categories:

• Satire: Making fun of someone who is powerful.
• Silly pranks: Weird and funny pranks that don't always need a "victim."
• Mean pranks: These are to be avoided at all costs.

Practical Examples. The book provides a variety of harmless pranks that readers can try, such as changing someone's voicemail message to "Mr. Baloney" or printing a message on the bottom of printer paper. These pranks are designed to be funny and harmless, not to cause any real trouble.

4. Learn from the Oldies (and Oldies but Goodies)

After a man passes sixty, his mischief is mainly in his head.

The Wisdom of Elders. The book suggests that older people are cool because they appreciate old-fashioned fun and tomfoolery. It encourages readers to engage with older relatives and friends, sharing jokes and stories.

Old-School Pranks. The book provides a list of classic pranks that have been around for generations, such as super gluing a coin to the ground or spreading plastic wrap under the toilet seat. These pranks are simple, harmless, and guaranteed to get a laugh.

Respect and Humor. While the book encourages readers to have fun with older people, it also emphasizes the importance of being respectful and considerate. It suggests avoiding topics that might be sensitive or upsetting and focusing on activities that everyone can enjoy.

5. Amuse, Don't Abuse: The Art of the Jibe

Mischief is merely an attempt to escape from the dreary vacuum of idleness.

The Power of Wordplay. The book emphasizes the importance of using language creatively and humorously. It provides a variety of techniques for crafting clever insults and comebacks.

Word Fu Techniques:

• Striking when someone asks a silly question.
• Creating insults that combine something nice with something nasty.
• Using the Face/Head/Brain Formula to create food-based insults.

The Importance of Sincerity. The book advises readers to be sincere when apologizing, even if they don't really mean it. It provides a list of apology styles to avoid, such as the blame-shifting apology and the non-apology apology.

6. Spying for Good (or at Least for Fun)

There is nothing more necessary than good intelligence to frustrate a designing enemy.

The Art of Skulking. The book provides tips on how to move about stealthily and avoid being noticed. These include moving along walls, staying out of the open, and looking as if you're concealing something.

Espionage Equipment. The book suggests investing in some basic espionage equipment, such as a periscope, a briefcase, and a paper shredder. These items can help you gather intelligence and avoid detection.

Recruiting a Spy Team. The book advises readers to form a dedicated team of specialists, including a break-in expert, a double agent, and a cryptologist. These team members can help you gather information and carry out your mischievous plans.

7. Mischief of the Rich and Famous: Inspiration, Not Imitation

Mischief is a most profound pleasure.

Learning from the Greats. The book highlights the mischievous deeds of famous people throughout history, from Jack Nicholson's rattlesnake toilet seat to Molly Ivins's satirical newspaper columns. These stories are meant to inspire readers to be creative and think outside the box.

Mischief for Good. The book suggests that mischief can be used to make a positive impact on the world. It highlights examples of people who have used pranks and hoaxes to raise awareness about important issues or to challenge authority.

The Importance of Context. The book emphasizes that the success of a prank depends on its context. It warns readers to be mindful of the potential consequences of their actions and to avoid pranks that could be harmful or offensive.

8. Wordplay as Weaponry

No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately.

The Power of Language. The book emphasizes the importance of using language creatively and humorously. It provides a variety of techniques for crafting clever insults and comebacks.

Vocabulary Enrichment. The book provides a list of unusual and amusing words that readers can use to spice up their conversations and insults. These words range from "bezonian" (a troublemaker) to "wazzock" (English for someone who is foolish).

Poison Pen Alternatives. The book cautions against writing Poison Pen letters and suggests using a Nontoxic Pen to write something inoffensive, anonymous, and silly instead. This will confound your enemy much more than a sheet full of insults.

9. International Intrigue: Mischief Around the World

Smile with an intent to do mischief.

Global Games. The book explores unusual and amusing sporting events from around the world, such as the World Screaming Championships in Poland and the World Gurning Championship in the United Kingdom. These events highlight the diverse ways that people find to have fun and express themselves.

Naming Conventions. The book examines the different ways that people name their children in various cultures, from the unusual names given in Venezuela to the superstitious customs in China. These naming practices offer a glimpse into the values and beliefs of different societies.

Cultural Sensitivity. The book emphasizes the importance of being aware of cultural differences when engaging in mischief. It warns readers to avoid pranks that could be offensive or disrespectful to other cultures.

10. Food Fights and Culinary Capers

No man is lonely while eating spaghetti.

Food as a Prank Prop. The book explores the potential of food as a tool for mischief. It provides a variety of food-related pranks that readers can try, such as replacing vanilla ice cream with mayonnaise or putting ketchup in the bottom of an ice cream cone.

Restaurant Revelry. The book offers tips on how to behave mischievously in a restaurant, such as complaining about the water or ordering a horse steak. These tips are designed to be funny and harmless, not to cause any real disruption.

The Road Kill Ruse. The book describes a prank involving a stuffed animal, ketchup, and a crazy costume. This prank is designed to shock and amuse passersby, but it should be carried out with caution and consideration for others.

11. Sporting Shenanigans: Games, Pranks, and Good Sportsmanship

It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.

The Spirit of Competition. The book explores the world of sports, highlighting both the thrill of victory and the potential for mischief. It emphasizes the importance of good sportsmanship and fair play.

Mascot Mania. The book examines the odd and amusing mascots that represent sports teams around the world, from the Fighting Artichokes to the Cheese Makers. These mascots offer a glimpse into the unique cultures and traditions of different communities.

Rubber Band Warfare. The book provides instructions on how to shoot rubber bands accurately and safely. It also describes a Rubber Band Chess Duel, a playful competition that combines strategy and marksmanship.

12. Bodily Functions and Beyond: The Gross-Out Guide to Mischief

The opportunity for doing mischief is found a hundred times a day, and of doing good once in a year.

Embracing the Disgusting. The book delves into the realm of bodily functions and other gross-out topics, exploring their potential for humor and mischief. It provides a variety of facts and anecdotes about poop, sweat, and other bodily substances.

Cultural Perspectives. The book examines how different cultures view bodily functions, from the pooping statues in Catalonia to the use of zorilla scent as perfume in East Africa. These cultural perspectives offer a glimpse into the diverse ways that people think about their bodies.

The Apple o' Death! The book describes a prank involving an apple and red food dye. This prank is designed to shock and amuse, but it should be carried out with caution and consideration for others.

Last updated: April 15, 2025