The Self-Aware Leader

1. Lead Yourself First: Self-Leadership is the Foundation

The toughest person to lead is always yourself.

Personal breakdowns. Many leadership failures stem from personal shortcomings. Leaders must first master self-leadership before they can effectively lead others. This involves acknowledging personal weaknesses and actively working to improve them. For example, Maxwell shares his own experiences of leadership crises that were rooted in his own lack of focus, impatience, and poor decision-making.

• Prioritizing correctly
• Maintaining focus
• Balancing life
• Making thoughtful decisions

Self-awareness is key. Leaders must realistically assess themselves, recognizing both strengths and weaknesses. This self-awareness is crucial for identifying blind spots and areas needing improvement. It's like the Mirror Principle, which advises, “The First Person We Must Examine Is Ourselves.” Without this, leaders cannot effectively lead themselves or others.

Four strategies for self-leadership:

• Learn followership: Understand the follower's perspective.
• Develop self-discipline: Control actions and decisions.
• Practice patience: Allow time for growth and development.
• Seek accountability: Get advice and feedback from others.

2. Know Your Strengths: Maximize Your Talents

People’s purpose in life is always connected to their giftedness.

Purpose and giftedness. Success is defined by knowing your purpose, growing to your potential, and benefiting others. This is only possible when you identify and work within your strengths. Your purpose is always connected to your natural talents. For example, Maxwell's strength is communication, which he has developed over decades.

• Discover your purpose
• Maximize your potential
• Benefit others

Finding your strengths:

• Ask, "What am I doing well?" Focus on talent, not just what's right.
• Get specific: Identify your strengths within your strengths.
• Listen to praise: Note what others compliment you on.
• Check the competition: Don't waste time on areas where others excel.

Develop others' strengths. Effective leaders help their team members discover and work within their strengths. This involves understanding their abilities, communicating their value, and emphasizing teamwork over competition. As Frances Hesselbein said, “Organizations exist to make people’s strengths effective and their weaknesses irrelevant.”

3. Team Over Self: Prioritize Your People

People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Relational leadership. Leadership is more about relationships than positions. Leaders must connect with their team members, care about them, and help them succeed. This requires a shift from a "climber" mentality to a "connector" mentality. For example, Maxwell shares how he had to learn to share his stewardship lessons with other leaders instead of hoarding them for his own advancement.

• Climbers think vertically; connectors think horizontally.
• Climbers focus on position; connectors focus on relationships.
• Climbers value competition; connectors value cooperation.
• Climbers seek power; connectors seek partnerships.

Value the team. Effective leaders prioritize the team's success over their own career advancement. This involves building consensus, fostering cooperation, and helping team members work together. It's about making friends and gaining authority, not just climbing the ladder.

Shift in mindset:

• "I want to win" becomes "I want to win with you."
• Success is fleeting, but relationships are lasting.
• Put your team ahead of your personal agenda.

4. Look Inward: When People Quit, Reflect

People quit people, not companies.

Leadership impact. When people leave an organization, it's often due to poor leadership, not the company itself. Leaders must look inward and reflect on their own behavior when team members quit. It's estimated that 65% of people leave because of their managers.

• People quit leaders who devalue them.
• People quit leaders who are untrustworthy.
• People quit leaders who are incompetent.
• People quit leaders who are insecure.

Recipe for retention:

• Take responsibility for relationships.
• Conduct exit interviews to learn why people leave.
• Value those who work with you.
• Prioritize credibility and trustworthiness.
• Create a secure and positive environment.
• Nurture a passion for personal growth.

Self-reflection is crucial. Leaders must be willing to examine their own actions and attitudes to identify areas where they may be contributing to employee dissatisfaction. This involves being honest with oneself and taking steps to improve.

5. Listen Actively: Understand Before Speaking

Listening builds trust, the foundation of all lasting relationships.

Listening is key. Effective leaders listen more than they talk. Listening is essential for understanding people, learning, preventing problems, establishing trust, and improving the organization. It's about hearing what is said and understanding what is being communicated.

• Understanding people precedes leading them.
• Listening is the best way to learn.
• Listening can keep problems from escalating.
• Listening establishes trust.
• Listening can improve the organization.

Active listening. Leaders must be attentive, ask questions, and seek to understand others' perspectives. This involves being present, engaged, and open to feedback. It's about giving the gift of attention.

Improve listening skills:

• Be present and focused.
• Ask clarifying questions.
• Pay attention to nonverbal cues.
• Summarize and reflect back what you hear.
• Be open to different perspectives.

6. Handle Criticism Gracefully: Learn and Grow

Criticism is something you can avoid easily—by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.

Criticism is inevitable. Leaders will always face criticism, whether deserved or not. The key is to handle it constructively and with grace. This involves knowing yourself, changing what needs to be changed, accepting what cannot be changed, and forgetting yourself.

• Know yourself: Have a realistic view of your strengths and weaknesses.
• Change yourself: Take responsibility for your shortcomings.
• Accept yourself: Be comfortable with who you are.
• Forget yourself: Focus on others instead of yourself.

Constructive vs. destructive criticism:

• Who criticized you?
• How was it given?
• Why was it given?

Maintain the right attitude:

• Don't be defensive.
• Look for the grain of truth.
• Make necessary changes.
• Take the high road.

7. Admit Mistakes: Embrace Failure as a Teacher

To get maximum attention, make a big mistake. To cause maximum damage, fail to admit it!

Mistakes are inevitable. Everyone makes mistakes, and leaders are no exception. The key is to admit them quickly, accept them as part of the process, and learn from them. Failure is a teacher, not a final destination.

• Admit your mistakes quickly.
• Accept mistakes as the price of progress.
• Insist on learning from your mistakes.
• Ask yourself and others, "What are we missing?"
• Give people permission to push back.

Learning from failure:

• Don't avoid mistakes; embrace them as learning opportunities.
• Don't repeat the same mistakes.
• Be open to feedback and different perspectives.
• Create a culture where it's safe to admit mistakes.

Growth mindset. Leaders must adopt a growth mindset, viewing mistakes as opportunities for learning and improvement. This involves being open to feedback, taking responsibility for errors, and making necessary changes.

8. Manage Priorities: Stop Micromanaging People

The business schools reward difficult, complex behavior more than simple behavior, but simple behavior is more effective.

Focus on priorities. Leaders must prioritize their time and energy, focusing on the most important tasks and delegating the rest. This involves understanding the Pareto Principle (80/20 rule) and focusing on the 20% of activities that produce 80% of the results.

• What gives me the greatest return?
• What is most rewarding?
• What is required of me?

Five decisions for focus:

• Determine not to know everything.
• Determine not to know everything first.
• Determine to let someone represent you.
• Determine to stay with your strengths.
• Determine to take charge of your time and attention.

Empower others. Leaders must resist the urge to micromanage and instead empower their team members to take ownership of their work. This involves providing training, setting clear expectations, and trusting people to do their best.

9. Be a Lifelong Learner: Grow Continuously

The moment you stop learning is the moment you stop leading.

Intentional growth. Leaders must be intentional about their personal growth. This involves investing in themselves, being a continual learner, and creating a growth environment for their team. Growth is not automatic; it requires effort and discipline.

• Invest in yourself first.
• Be a continual learner.
• Create a growth environment for the people you lead.

Continual learning:

• Read daily to grow personally.
• Listen daily to broaden your perspective.
• Think daily to apply what you learn.
• File daily to preserve what you learn.

Growth environment:

• Others are ahead of me.
• I am continually challenged.
• My focus is forward.
• The atmosphere is affirming.
• I am often out of my comfort zone.
• I wake up excited.
• Failure is not my enemy.
• Others around me are growing.
• People desire change.
• Growth is modeled and expected of me.

10. Judge by Team Success: Measure Your Impact

The signs of outstanding leadership appear primarily among the followers.

Team success is the measure. Leaders should judge their effectiveness by the success of their team. This involves focusing on the growth, development, and achievement of their followers. It's about making a difference in the lives of others.

• Are the people on my team following me?
• Are my team members changing?
• Are my team members growing?
• Are the members of my team succeeding?

Leadership impact:

• People reproduce what they are.
• Healthy leaders create healthy teams.
• The development of new leaders is key to success.

Focus on others. Effective leaders prioritize the success of their team members and organization over their personal achievements. They understand that their success is measured by the performance of their people.

11. Choose the Long Road: Higher Leadership Awaits

By avoiding risk, we really risk what is most important in life—reaching toward growth, our potential, and a true contribution to a common goal.

Trade-offs are necessary. Leaders must be willing to make trade-offs to reach higher levels of leadership. This involves choosing the longer, more difficult path that leads to greater growth and impact. It's about sacrificing short-term gains for long-term potential.

• Choose accomplishment over affirmation.
• Choose significance over security.
• Choose future potential over financial gain.
• Choose personal growth over immediate gratification.
• Choose focus over further exploration.
• Choose quality of life over quantity of life.
• Choose excellent over acceptable.
• Choose multiplication over addition.
• Choose a second half over another first half.

Long-term perspective. Leaders must have a long-term perspective, focusing on the impact they want to make and the legacy they want to leave. This involves making choices that align with their values and purpose.

Higher leadership. The road to higher leadership is not easy, but it is worth it. It requires courage, sacrifice, and a commitment to growth. It's about making a difference in the world and helping others reach their potential.

Last updated: April 10, 2025