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The Total Woman

The Total Woman

How to Make Your Marriage Come Alive
by Marabel Morgan 1990 260 pages
3.01
100+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Accept and Admire Your Husband as He Is

A man needs to be accepted as he is, just exactly as he is. This kind of all-out acceptance convinces him you really love him.

Unconditional acceptance is the foundation of a strong marriage. Instead of trying to change your husband, focus on his positive qualities and accept his flaws. This doesn't mean tolerating harmful behavior, but rather embracing his unique personality and quirks.

Show admiration for your husband's achievements, no matter how small. Compliment him sincerely on his appearance, abilities, and efforts. This builds his confidence and strengthens your bond.

  • Ways to show acceptance and admiration:
    • Praise his efforts at work
    • Acknowledge his contributions to the family
    • Express appreciation for his physical attributes
    • Support his hobbies and interests

2. Adapt to Your Husband's Way of Life

Adapt to his way of life wholeheartedly, even if he doesn't come home for weeks. When he is home, make life so attractive he won't want to leave.

Flexibility is key in marriage. Instead of insisting on your way, try to accommodate your husband's preferences and lifestyle. This doesn't mean losing your identity, but rather finding a balance that works for both of you.

Create a welcoming environment that makes your husband eager to come home. This involves both physical and emotional elements, such as keeping the house tidy, preparing his favorite meals, and maintaining a positive attitude.

  • Ways to adapt:
    • Adjust your schedule to match his when possible
    • Show interest in his hobbies and work
    • Be willing to compromise on decisions
    • Create traditions and routines that suit both of you

3. Appreciate Your Husband's Efforts and Express Gratitude

Don't keep your husband from being blessed!

Cultivate gratitude in your marriage by acknowledging your husband's efforts, both big and small. Appreciation fosters a positive atmosphere and encourages him to continue his loving behavior.

Express thanks verbally and through actions. Don't take his contributions for granted, whether it's bringing home a paycheck or doing household chores. A heartfelt "thank you" can go a long way in making him feel valued and appreciated.

  • Ways to show appreciation:
    • Thank him for specific actions daily
    • Write him notes of gratitude
    • Surprise him with small gestures of appreciation
    • Acknowledge his efforts in front of others

4. Prioritize Physical Attraction and Sexual Intimacy

Sex is an hour in bed at ten o'clock; super sex is the climax of an atmosphere that has been carefully set all day.

Maintain physical attractiveness for your husband. This doesn't mean adhering to unrealistic beauty standards, but rather taking care of yourself and making an effort to look your best. Remember, you are the one he chose to be with exclusively.

Cultivate a fulfilling sex life by prioritizing intimacy and open communication about desires and needs. Create an atmosphere of romance throughout the day, not just in the bedroom. Be willing to try new things and keep the spark alive.

  • Tips for maintaining attraction and intimacy:
    • Take care of your appearance and hygiene
    • Dress up for your husband occasionally
    • Initiate physical affection throughout the day
    • Communicate openly about sexual desires and boundaries
    • Make time for regular date nights

5. Communicate Effectively and Listen Actively

Communication is sharing, not shoving. It involves two parts—talking and listening, and it involves at least two persons—the speaker and the listener.

Practice active listening by giving your husband your full attention when he speaks. Put away distractions, maintain eye contact, and show genuine interest in what he's saying. This makes him feel valued and understood.

Express yourself clearly and calmly, avoiding criticism or nagging. When discussing issues, focus on your feelings rather than attacking his actions. Use "I" statements to convey your thoughts without placing blame.

  • Communication strategies:
    • Set aside dedicated time for conversations
    • Practice reflective listening by paraphrasing his words
    • Avoid interrupting or finishing his sentences
    • Use non-verbal cues to show you're engaged
    • Choose the right time and place for important discussions

6. Create a Positive Home Atmosphere

Your attitude not only sets the atmosphere in your home, but also determines your husband's attitude for the day.

Be an atmosphere adjuster by maintaining a positive attitude and creating a welcoming environment at home. Your mood and behavior significantly impact your husband's outlook and the overall family dynamic.

Manage conflicts constructively by addressing issues calmly and avoiding prolonged anger or resentment. Forgive quickly and focus on solutions rather than dwelling on problems. Remember that a happy home starts with you.

  • Ways to create a positive atmosphere:
    • Greet your husband warmly when he comes home
    • Keep the home tidy and organized
    • Plan enjoyable family activities
    • Use humor to lighten tense situations
    • Practice forgiveness and let go of minor irritations

7. Nurture Your Children with Love and Discipline

Accepting your child is as important as accepting yourself and accepting your husband.

Show unconditional love to your children through words and actions. Express affection regularly, spend quality time with them, and create a supportive environment where they feel valued and accepted.

Provide consistent discipline by setting clear boundaries and consequences. Balance firmness with love, always ensuring that your children understand that your discipline comes from a place of care and concern for their well-being.

  • Parenting strategies:
    • Express love verbally and physically every day
    • Create family traditions and rituals
    • Encourage and praise your children's efforts
    • Set age-appropriate rules and consequences
    • Model the behavior you want to see in your children

8. Develop a Strong Spiritual Foundation

Don't keep the faith, gals; pass it on.

Cultivate your own spiritual life through practices such as prayer, meditation, and studying religious texts. A strong personal faith can provide guidance, comfort, and purpose in your role as a wife and mother.

Share your faith with your family by incorporating spiritual practices into daily life. This can include reading religious stories to your children, praying together as a family, and discussing spiritual topics openly.

  • Ways to build a spiritual foundation:
    • Establish a daily personal devotional time
    • Attend religious services as a family
    • Volunteer together for faith-based causes
    • Discuss spiritual questions and doubts openly
    • Incorporate religious teachings into everyday situations

Last updated:

Review Summary

3.01 out of 5
Average of 100+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

The Total Woman received mixed reviews, with an average rating of 3.01 out of 5. Many readers criticized its outdated and misogynistic views on marriage, promoting wifely submission and focusing solely on pleasing husbands. Some found it offensive and dangerous, while others saw valuable advice on communication and self-confidence. A few readers appreciated its old-fashioned approach, finding it helpful for their relationships. The book's controversial nature sparked discussions on gender roles, feminism, and societal expectations in the 1970s.

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About the Author

Marabel Morgan was an American author and speaker who gained fame in the 1970s with her bestselling book "The Total Woman." Born in 1937, she wrote from a conservative Christian perspective, advocating for traditional gender roles in marriage. Morgan's work emphasized the importance of wives submitting to their husbands and prioritizing their needs. Her ideas were controversial, praised by some for promoting strong marriages and criticized by others for reinforcing gender stereotypes. Despite the backlash, Morgan's book sold millions of copies and influenced many women during that era. She continued to write and speak on marriage and family topics throughout her career.

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