Trumpty Dumpty Wanted a Crown

1. Trumpty Dumpty's Despotic Ambitions

Trumpty Dumpty gets his way Unless the public has something to say.

Yearning for Absolute Power. The poem "Trumpty Dumpty Wanted a Crown" encapsulates the idea of a leader desiring unchecked authority, symbolized by the crown. This ambition extends beyond typical presidential powers, hinting at a desire to dismantle democratic norms and establish a form of autocratic rule. The poem serves as a warning about the dangers of allowing any leader to accumulate too much power without public oversight.

Erosion of Democratic Norms. The poem lists various trappings of monarchy that Trumpty Dumpty desires, including royal palaces, carriages, and even royal beheadings. These elements highlight a disregard for the principles of a constitutional republic, where power is distributed and limited. The poem suggests that unchecked ambition can lead to the erosion of democratic institutions and the establishment of a system based on the whims of a single ruler.

Call to Civic Action. The poem concludes with a direct appeal to the public, emphasizing that the only way to prevent the realization of these despotic ambitions is through active civic engagement. It underscores the importance of public vigilance and participation in safeguarding democratic values and holding leaders accountable. The poem serves as a reminder that the preservation of freedom and democracy requires constant effort and a willingness to challenge those who seek to undermine them.

2. Rudy Giuliani's Downfall and Disgrace

“America’s Mayor” has lost his luster.

Giuliani's Descent. The poem "Rabid Rudy" portrays a stark contrast to Giuliani's once-revered image as "America's Mayor." It depicts his involvement in questionable activities in Ukraine, suggesting that his pursuit of political favors for Trump led to a significant decline in his reputation. The poem highlights the dangers of prioritizing personal loyalty over ethical conduct and the potential for even respected figures to become embroiled in scandal.

Geopolitical Interference. Giuliani's actions in Ukraine, as described in the poem, involved mixing "bribes and dirty tricks," which had negative consequences for U.S. foreign policy. This interference in another country's affairs for personal or political gain undermines diplomatic efforts and can damage international relations. The poem serves as a cautionary tale about the risks of using personal connections to conduct foreign policy outside of official channels.

Loss of Reputation. The poem emphasizes the tarnishing of Giuliani's image, indicating that his actions have diminished his standing in the eyes of the public. This loss of luster serves as a reminder that even those who have achieved great success and recognition can suffer a significant fall from grace if they engage in unethical or illegal behavior. The poem underscores the importance of maintaining integrity and upholding ethical standards, even in the face of political pressure.

3. The Weaponization of "Fake News"

Fake news doesn’t bother me. I’ll just rewrite history.

Dismissal of Accountability. The poem "Fake News" highlights the strategy of dismissing allegations of wrongdoing by labeling them as "fake news." This tactic allows the subject to avoid accountability for their actions and to undermine the credibility of those who report on them. The poem suggests that this approach is a deliberate attempt to manipulate public perception and control the narrative.

Rewriting History. The poem's concluding couplet reveals the ultimate goal of the "fake news" strategy: to rewrite history. By discrediting factual reporting and promoting alternative narratives, the subject seeks to control how their actions are remembered and interpreted. This manipulation of history poses a threat to truth and accountability, as it allows the subject to escape responsibility for their past behavior.

Examples of Alleged Misdeeds. The poem lists a series of allegations against the subject, including discrimination, tax fraud, sexual assault, and mishandling of the coronavirus pandemic. By dismissing these allegations as "fake news," the subject attempts to erase them from the public record and avoid the consequences of their actions. The poem serves as a reminder of the importance of critical thinking and fact-checking in the face of misinformation.

4. The Tortoise and the Hare: A Political Fable

Since power makes each of us history’s pawn, Use caution when choosing whose side you are on.

Political Maneuvering. The poem "The Tortoise and the Hare" uses the classic fable to illustrate the dynamics between Barack Obama (the Hare) and Mitch McConnell (the Tortoise). McConnell's strategy of blocking Obama's initiatives and judicial nominees is portrayed as a deliberate effort to obstruct progress and maintain political control. The poem highlights the use of political tactics to achieve specific goals, even at the expense of compromise and cooperation.

Consequences of Political Choices. The poem suggests that McConnell's actions, while successful in the short term, may have long-term consequences for his legacy. His role in acquitting Trump during the impeachment trial is portrayed as a "legal blood sport" that rendered the Senate a "kangaroo court." The poem implies that McConnell's pursuit of political power may ultimately damage his reputation and place him on the wrong side of history.

Moral of the Story. The poem concludes with a moral lesson about the importance of choosing sides carefully, as power can make anyone a "pawn of history." It suggests that political decisions have far-reaching consequences and that individuals should consider the long-term implications of their actions. The poem serves as a reminder that ethical considerations should guide political choices and that the pursuit of power should not come at the expense of integrity.

5. Trump's Entanglement with Personal Profit

Did someone say “O’Moluments”?

Conflicts of Interest. The poem "O'Moluments" highlights the potential for conflicts of interest when a president's official duties become intertwined with their private business ventures. Examples such as U.S. airmen staying at Trump Turnberry and foreign dignitaries patronizing Trump DC raise concerns about the use of public office for personal gain. The poem suggests that these actions may violate the Emoluments Clause of the Constitution, which prohibits government officials from receiving gifts or payments from foreign entities.

Hidden Rationale. The poem implies that Trump's promotion of his own properties, such as Trump Doral, is driven by a "hidden rationale" of personal enrichment. This suggests that his decisions may be motivated by financial considerations rather than the best interests of the country. The poem raises questions about the transparency and accountability of government officials who have significant financial interests in private businesses.

Erosion of Public Trust. The poem's satirical tone underscores the potential for such conflicts of interest to erode public trust in government. When officials appear to be profiting from their positions, it can create a perception of corruption and undermine the integrity of democratic institutions. The poem serves as a reminder of the importance of ethical conduct and transparency in government to maintain public confidence.

6. The Curious Case of Jay Sekulow

These are Sekulow’s glory days. But time is tough on shifty winners: This year’s saints are next year’s sinners.

Contradictory Background. The poem "Counselor Jay" explores the complex and contradictory background of Jay Sekulow, a lawyer who has represented both Jews for Jesus and Donald Trump. This unusual combination of affiliations raises questions about his motivations and the consistency of his beliefs. The poem suggests that Sekulow's career has been marked by a willingness to adapt his principles to suit his professional goals.

Political Advocacy. The poem portrays Sekulow as a "purveyor of right-wing political fictions" who has used his legal skills to advance a particular ideological agenda. His involvement in various think tanks and charities suggests a concerted effort to influence public opinion and shape policy. The poem raises concerns about the role of lawyers in promoting partisan causes and the potential for legal expertise to be used for political purposes.

Moral Ambiguity. The poem concludes with a cautionary note about the fleeting nature of success and the potential for "shifty winners" to face consequences for their actions. It suggests that Sekulow's close association with Trump may ultimately damage his reputation and leave him vulnerable to historical judgment. The poem underscores the importance of ethical conduct and the potential for short-term gains to be outweighed by long-term repercussions.

7. Elaine Chao's Quiet Power and Conflicts of Interest

Watch your back when you’re dealing with quiet Elaine.

Subtle Influence. The poem "Quiet Elaine" describes Elaine Chao as a deceptively powerful figure who has managed to maintain her position in the Trump administration despite numerous departures. Her "easy allure" and "sparkle" are portrayed as disguises for a shrewd and calculating political operator. The poem suggests that Chao's success is due in part to her marriage to Senator Mitch McConnell and her family's wealth and connections.

Abuse of Power. The poem alleges that Chao has used her position as Secretary of Transportation to benefit her family's shipping business and to direct resources to McConnell's home state of Kentucky. These actions raise concerns about conflicts of interest and the potential for abuse of power. The poem suggests that Chao's actions may be motivated by personal gain rather than the public interest.

Political Survival. The poem concludes with a warning to be wary of Chao's subtle influence and her ability to navigate the political landscape. Her "quiet" demeanor may mask a ruthless ambition and a willingness to use her position to advance her own interests. The poem serves as a reminder that appearances can be deceiving and that it is important to scrutinize the actions of those in power, regardless of their public image.

8. William Barr's Role as Trump's Defender

AG Barr, that faithful sentry, Guards the Oval Office entry.

Loyalty to Trump. The poem "Bill, Barr the Door!" portrays Attorney General William Barr as a staunch defender of President Trump, willing to shield him from legal scrutiny. This loyalty is depicted as a potential threat to the rule of law, as Barr may be prioritizing Trump's interests over the impartial administration of justice. The poem suggests that Barr's actions are motivated by a desire to protect Trump from the consequences of his actions.

Obstruction of Justice. The poem implies that Barr's efforts to "stay all legal action" may constitute obstruction of justice, as he is allegedly interfering with investigations and protecting Trump from accountability. This raises concerns about the independence of the Justice Department and its ability to hold powerful individuals accountable for their actions. The poem suggests that Barr's actions are undermining the integrity of the legal system.

Potential Consequences. The poem concludes with a warning that Barr's actions may ultimately lead to his own downfall. By aligning himself so closely with Trump, he risks being implicated in any wrongdoing and facing legal or political consequences. The poem serves as a reminder that loyalty should not come at the expense of ethical conduct and that those who abuse their power may eventually face justice.

9. The COVID-19 Pandemic as a Political Tool

For a desperate POTUS, impeached and disgraced, A pandemic’s a terrible thing to waste.

Exploitation of Crisis. The poem "A Pandemic's a Terrible Thing to Waste" suggests that President Trump used the COVID-19 pandemic as an opportunity to consolidate power and advance his political agenda. By exploiting the fear and uncertainty surrounding the virus, he was able to distract from his impeachment and other controversies. The poem implies that Trump prioritized his own political survival over the well-being of the country.

Undermining Institutions. The poem alleges that Trump used the pandemic as a pretext to undermine key institutions, such as the intelligence community and the inspector general system. By firing officials who were investigating his actions, he was able to shield himself from accountability and consolidate his control over the government. The poem suggests that Trump's actions were a deliberate attempt to weaken checks and balances and expand his authority.

Manipulation of Public Opinion. The poem also suggests that Trump used the pandemic to manipulate public opinion, promoting misinformation and downplaying the severity of the virus. By controlling the narrative, he was able to maintain his support base and deflect criticism of his handling of the crisis. The poem serves as a reminder of the importance of critical thinking and media literacy in the face of political manipulation.

10. The Downfall of Captain Crozier and Thomas Modly

In service to Dumpty’s chaotic command, Alas, they were destined to drown.

Punishment for Speaking Out. The poem "Reetle-Deet-Deet" tells the story of Captain Brett Crozier, who was relieved of his command after raising concerns about the spread of COVID-19 on his ship, the USS Theodore Roosevelt. Crozier's actions are portrayed as an act of courage and responsibility, while his punishment is depicted as an act of political retribution. The poem suggests that Crozier was sacrificed for speaking truth to power.

Chaotic Leadership. The poem also describes the downfall of Thomas Modly, the acting Navy Secretary who fired Crozier. Modly's actions are portrayed as erratic and ill-considered, driven by a desire to appease President Trump. The poem suggests that Modly's leadership was chaotic and ultimately self-destructive.

Sacrifice for Political Gain. The poem concludes that both Crozier and Modly were "destined to drown" in service to Trump's "chaotic command." This suggests that their careers were ruined by their involvement in a political drama that prioritized loyalty to Trump over ethical conduct and sound judgment. The poem serves as a cautionary tale about the dangers of serving a leader who demands blind obedience.

11. The Special Ops of Erik Prince

Mayhem’s dirty fingerprints, That’s Erik Prince.

Shadowy Influence. The poem "The Special Ops of Erik Prince" highlights the controversial activities of Erik Prince, the founder of the private military company Blackwater. Prince is portrayed as a shadowy figure who operates outside the bounds of traditional diplomacy and military operations. The poem suggests that Prince's actions are often morally questionable and potentially illegal.

Profiting from War. The poem describes Prince as a "defense contractor profiteer" who has made a fortune by privatizing foreign wars. This raises concerns about the ethics of profiting from conflict and the potential for private military companies to operate without proper oversight. The poem suggests that Prince's actions are driven by financial gain rather than a commitment to public service.

Dangerous Agenda. The poem concludes that Prince is executing a "dark agenda" at the behest of President Trump and his allies. This implies that Prince is involved in covert operations that are designed to undermine democratic institutions and advance a particular political ideology. The poem serves as a warning about the dangers of allowing private individuals to wield significant power and influence in matters of national security.

12. The GOP's Identity Crisis: "The Torys"

They settled on “Dumpty” (though heaven knows why). The parents and grandparents sternly resisted. The children all pouted and loudly insisted.

Unlikely Adoption. The poem "The Torys, or The Tiger King" uses the metaphor of a family adopting a wild tiger cat to represent the Republican Party's embrace of Donald Trump. The tiger cat, named "Dumpty," is portrayed as an unruly and destructive force that disrupts the family's traditional values. The poem suggests that the GOP's decision to embrace Trump was a departure from its historical principles.

Loss of Control. The poem describes the Tory family's initial resistance to Dumpty, followed by their eventual capitulation to the children's demands. This represents the GOP establishment's initial skepticism towards Trump, followed by their eventual acceptance of him as the party's leader. The poem implies that the GOP has lost control of its own identity and has become beholden to Trump's whims.

Uncertain Future. The poem concludes with the tiger cat poised to run for president, representing Trump's rise to power. The Tory family's horror and shame at this prospect suggest that the GOP is facing an existential crisis. The poem serves as a reflection on the Republican Party's identity crisis and its uncertain future in the age of Trump.

Last updated: March 1, 2025