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Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate

Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate

A Practical Guide to Happily Ever After
by Arielle Ford 2015 309 pages
3.58
100+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Redefining Soulmates: Beyond Fairy Tales to Real Love

"A soulmate is someone you are attracted to who offers you the greatest possibility for growth for both human beings to evolve into their greatest expression."

Dispelling myths: The concept of a soulmate goes beyond the perfect, effortless fairy-tale romance. Instead, it's about finding a partner who challenges you to grow and evolve.

Characteristics of a soulmate:

  • Someone you feel physically and emotionally safe with
  • A person you can be completely yourself around
  • Shares unconditional love
  • Provides a sense of "home" when you look into their eyes

Real soulmate relationships require work, commitment, and occasional sleepless nights to strike a balance. They involve navigating differences, overcoming challenges, and continuously choosing to love each other. The journey of turning your mate into your soulmate is about recognizing the potential for growth and connection within your existing relationship.

2. Understanding Men: The Martian, Hero, and Cave Dweller

"To a man nothing is worth doing, but much is worth providing."

Communication differences: Men and women often communicate differently, leading to misunderstandings. Understanding these differences can significantly improve relationships.

Key insights about men:

  • They are motivated when they feel needed
  • Prefer to do one thing at a time
  • Value respect above all else
  • Need "cave time" to recharge and reconnect with their masculinity

To effectively communicate with men:

  1. Frame requests in terms of what it provides for you
  2. Use clear, direct language
  3. Allow time for processing information
  4. Show appreciation for their efforts

Understanding and adapting to these differences can lead to more harmonious and fulfilling relationships.

3. Transforming Your Story: Letting Go of Past Narratives

"Love is based on a decision to be extremely vulnerable with another person. Love doesn't happen to you. You choose it."

Rewriting your narrative: Our perceptions of relationships are often shaped by past experiences and beliefs. Transforming these narratives is crucial for creating healthier, more loving relationships.

Steps to transform your story:

  1. Identify limiting beliefs about relationships
  2. Challenge these beliefs with new perspectives
  3. Practice vulnerability and openness
  4. Choose to focus on positive aspects of your partner
  5. Create new, empowering stories about your relationship

By consciously choosing to see your partner in a more positive light and letting go of past hurts, you can create a more loving and supportive relationship environment.

4. Sacred Contracts: The Purpose of Relationships

"We seek a partner who has many of the characteristics of our parents and caregivers in the unconscious hope that they will help us to feel whole again."

Soul connections: Relationships serve a higher purpose in our personal growth and evolution. The concept of sacred contracts suggests that we choose our partners before incarnating to work through specific life lessons and karmic patterns.

Key aspects of sacred contracts:

  • Provide opportunities for healing childhood wounds
  • Offer challenges that promote personal growth
  • Bring unconscious patterns to the surface for resolution
  • Create a space for mutual evolution and spiritual development

Understanding the deeper purpose of your relationship can help you navigate challenges with greater compassion and insight, viewing difficulties as opportunities for growth rather than insurmountable obstacles.

5. Embracing Differences: Irreconcilable Yet Normal

"Every couple has at least nine irreconcilable differences."

Normalizing differences: Accepting that all couples have irreconcilable differences can relieve pressure and foster a more accepting attitude towards your partner.

Common areas of irreconcilable differences:

  • In-laws and extended family involvement
  • Balance between home and work
  • Communication styles
  • Personal habits and idiosyncrasies
  • Money management

The key is not to eliminate these differences but to learn how to navigate them with respect and understanding. Techniques for managing differences include:

  1. Practicing active listening
  2. Using "I" statements to express feelings
  3. Focusing on finding solutions rather than placing blame
  4. Cultivating empathy and compassion for your partner's perspective

By embracing differences as normal and focusing on shared goals and values, couples can build stronger, more resilient relationships.

6. Wabi Sabi Love: Finding Beauty in Imperfection

"Wabi Sabi Love is about attaining groundbreaking shifts in perception, so that you can embrace and find the beauty and perfection despite, or perhaps even because of, each other's imperfections."

Embracing imperfection: Wabi Sabi Love is an approach that encourages finding beauty and perfection in your partner's flaws and idiosyncrasies.

Practicing Wabi Sabi Love:

  1. Identify your partner's habits that annoy you
  2. Reframe these habits in a positive light
  3. Focus on gratitude for your partner's presence in your life
  4. Celebrate the unique qualities that make your partner who they are

By shifting your perspective from annoyance to appreciation, you can transform your relationship dynamics and deepen your connection. This practice fosters acceptance, reduces conflict, and cultivates a more loving and supportive environment.

7. The Power of Three: You, Your Mate, and Spirit

"Inviting God into your relationship as the defining factor in your personal trinity of love is to invite healing and the possibility for unconditional love."

Spiritual connection: Incorporating a spiritual dimension into your relationship can provide a deeper sense of purpose and connection.

Ways to invite spirituality into your relationship:

  • Practice gratitude together
  • Engage in shared spiritual practices (meditation, prayer, etc.)
  • Discuss your spiritual beliefs and values
  • View your relationship as a vehicle for personal and spiritual growth
  • Seek guidance from a higher power during challenging times

By recognizing the spiritual aspect of your relationship, you create a foundation of shared values and a sense of higher purpose. This can provide strength and resilience during difficult times and enhance the overall quality of your connection.

8. Brain Chemistry of Love: From Infatuation to Lasting Bond

"When you fall in love with someone, your brain circuitry becomes 'hardwired' to love this person, even when you experience difficult times with him or her."

Love's biological basis: Understanding the brain chemistry of love can help couples navigate the transition from initial infatuation to a lasting bond.

Stages of love and associated brain chemicals:

  1. Lust: Testosterone
  2. Attraction: Dopamine
  3. Attachment: Oxytocin and Vasopressin

To maintain and strengthen your bond:

  • Engage in novel activities together to boost dopamine
  • Practice physical affection to increase oxytocin
  • Maintain regular sexual intimacy
  • Share positive experiences to reinforce positive associations

By consciously engaging in activities that promote beneficial brain chemistry, couples can reignite passion and maintain a strong emotional connection over time.

9. Healing Through Love: The Marriage Effect

"Happily married couples receive the benefits of something called the 'marriage effect,' which means that they are more likely to live longer, be physically and mentally healthier and happier, and recover from illness more quickly and more successfully."

Health benefits: A loving, committed relationship can have profound effects on physical and mental well-being.

The "marriage effect" includes:

  • Increased longevity
  • Better mental health
  • Improved physical health
  • Faster recovery from illness

To cultivate these benefits:

  1. Practice daily acts of kindness and appreciation
  2. Prioritize quality time together
  3. Support each other's health goals
  4. Create a safe, nurturing home environment
  5. Develop shared coping strategies for stress

By viewing your relationship as a source of healing and support, you can harness the power of love to enhance your overall well-being and create a more fulfilling life together.

Last updated:

Review Summary

3.58 out of 5
Average of 100+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate receives mixed reviews, with an average rating of 3.58 out of 5. Readers appreciate the practical advice and exercises for strengthening relationships, finding it helpful for both couples and singles. Some praise the author's authenticity and the book's emphasis on self-reflection. However, criticisms include its heteronormative focus and reliance on other authors' work. While some find the content eye-opening and thought-provoking, others feel it lacks originality or promotes unrealistic ideas about relationships. Overall, readers value the book's insights on appreciation and kindness in long-term partnerships.

Your rating:

About the Author

Arielle Ford is an accomplished author and media personality with over 25 years of experience promoting consciousness. She co-founded the Spiritual Cinema Circle, a DVD club focused on love and compassion-themed movies. Ford has authored seven books, including the Hot Chocolate for the Mystical Soul series and The Soulmate Secret. Her work emphasizes spirituality, relationships, and personal growth. Ford is known for applying the Law of Attraction to love and relationships. She resides in La Jolla, California, with her husband, Brian Hilliard, whom she considers her soulmate. Ford's expertise in love and relationships has made her a prominent figure in the self-help and spiritual community.

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