Unglued

1. Recognize that emotions aren't bad, but how we handle them matters

Emotions aren't bad. But try telling that to my brain at 2:08 a.m. when I should be sleeping instead of mentally beating myself up.

Emotions are indicators, not dictators. They signal that something needs our attention, but they shouldn't control our actions. When we feel overwhelmed by raw emotions, it's crucial to pause and process them rather than immediately reacting. This allows us to respond in a way that aligns with our values and preserves our relationships.

Imperfect progress is key. Changing how we handle our emotions is a journey, not an overnight transformation. It's about making small, consistent steps towards improvement, even if we sometimes falter. Embracing this concept relieves the pressure of perfectionism and allows for growth.

Practical steps for managing emotions:

• Identify the source of the emotion
• Take a deep breath and count to ten
• Ask yourself, "Will this matter in five years?"
• Consider the potential consequences of your reaction
• Choose a response that aligns with your values and goals

2. Identify your unglued reaction type and develop strategies to manage it

Exploders aren't always loud in conveying their point, but they do use their words and tone to make sure the other person feels their point.

Understanding your reaction type is crucial. There are four main types of unglued reactions:

1. Exploders who shame themselves
2. Exploders who blame others
3. Stuffers who build barriers
4. Stuffers who collect retaliation rocks

Each type has its own set of challenges and requires different strategies to manage.

Develop tailored strategies. Once you've identified your reaction type, create a plan to address it:

• For exploders: Practice pausing before responding and use "I" statements to express feelings
• For stuffers: Learn to communicate honestly and set healthy boundaries
• For all types: Develop a personal "calm down" routine (e.g., deep breathing, counting to ten, or reciting a Bible verse)

Remember that you may exhibit different reaction types in different situations or with different people. The goal is to become more self-aware and intentional in your responses.

3. Practice "soul integrity" by balancing honesty with godliness

Soul integrity is honesty that's godly.

Honesty without godliness can be destructive. When we're honest without considering how our words impact others, we risk damaging relationships and causing unnecessary pain. On the other hand, being "godly" without honesty can lead to suppressed emotions and resentment.

Strive for balance. Soul integrity means being truthful while also being kind, patient, and considerate. It's about expressing our feelings and needs in a way that respects others and honors God. This balance allows for authentic communication that strengthens relationships rather than tearing them down.

Practical ways to cultivate soul integrity:

• Pause and pray before addressing difficult topics
• Use "I feel" statements instead of accusatory language
• Seek to understand the other person's perspective
• Ask yourself, "How would Jesus handle this situation?"
• Practice active listening and empathy

4. Tackle negative self-talk and embrace God's truth

Lies flee in the presence of truth.

Identify and challenge negative thoughts. Our internal dialogue significantly impacts our emotions and actions. When we constantly criticize ourselves or entertain pessimistic thoughts, we're more likely to come unglued. Learn to recognize these negative patterns and actively replace them with truth.

Use Scripture to combat lies. God's Word is a powerful tool for transforming our thought life. When faced with negative self-talk, counter it with relevant Bible verses. This practice helps rewire our thinking and aligns our perspective with God's truth.

Steps to overcome negative self-talk:

1. Recognize the negative thought
2. Question its validity
3. Find a relevant Scripture to counter the lie
4. Repeat the truth to yourself
5. Act on the truth, not the negative thought

Remember, changing thought patterns takes time and consistent effort. Be patient with yourself as you develop this new habit.

5. Implement a biblical procedure manual for handling raw emotions

Alarmed, Jehoshaphat resolved.

Prepare in advance for emotional challenges. Just as airlines have procedures for handling emergencies, we need a personal plan for managing our raw emotions. By developing a "biblical procedure manual," we can respond more effectively when faced with difficult situations.

Five-step biblical procedure:

1. Remember who you are in Christ
2. Redirect your focus to Jesus
3. Recognize God's job isn't your job
4. Recite thanks and praises to God
5. Realize reactions determine reach

This procedure helps us shift our perspective from our immediate emotions to God's bigger picture. It reminds us of our identity in Christ and helps us respond in a way that honors Him and positively impacts others.

6. Cultivate perspective to diffuse unglued reactions

Perspective changes everything.

Seek opportunities to gain perspective. When we're caught up in our own problems, it's easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. Engaging in activities that broaden our view, such as volunteering or spending time with those less fortunate, can help us put our own struggles into context.

Use perspective to diffuse reactions. When you feel yourself becoming unglued, try to step back and consider the situation from a different angle. Ask yourself:

• How important will this be in a week, a month, or a year?
• What might be going on in the other person's life that I don't know about?
• How can I show grace in this situation?

Cultivating perspective doesn't minimize our feelings, but it does help us respond more proportionately and compassionately to life's challenges.

7. Embrace Sabbath rest to recharge and realign with God's purpose

The Sabbath isn't just a time to be observed; it's a time to be preserved.

Prioritize regular rest. In our busy world, it's easy to neglect rest and push ourselves to the point of burnout. However, God designed us to need regular periods of rest and renewal. By embracing the Sabbath principle, we give ourselves the opportunity to recharge and realign with God's purpose for our lives.

Make Sabbath a time for reflection and renewal. Use this time to:

• Disconnect from work and daily responsibilities
• Engage in activities that bring you joy and peace
• Reflect on God's goodness and your blessings
• Evaluate your life and realign with God's priorities
• Connect deeply with God and loved ones

Remember, Sabbath isn't about rigid rules but about creating space for rest, reflection, and relationship with God. Find a rhythm that works for you and your family.

8. Turn comparison and jealousy into celebration and contentment

Comparison steals celebration.

Recognize the destructive nature of comparison. When we constantly compare ourselves to others, we rob ourselves of joy and contentment. It's a lose-lose situation: either we feel inferior or we become prideful. Both outcomes distance us from God and others.

Choose celebration over comparison. Instead of envying others' successes or blessings, choose to celebrate them. This shift in perspective not only improves our relationships but also increases our own joy and gratitude.

Practical steps to overcome comparison:

• Practice gratitude daily
• Focus on your own unique gifts and purpose
• Celebrate others' successes genuinely
• Remember that you're seeing others' highlight reels, not their behind-the-scenes struggles
• Seek God's approval rather than others'

By embracing contentment and celebration, we free ourselves from the emotional turmoil that comparison brings.

9. Use unglued moments as opportunities for growth and holiness

Outward expressions are internal indications.

View unglued reactions as diagnostic tools. When we come unglued, it's often a sign that something deeper is going on internally. Instead of beating ourselves up over these moments, we can use them as opportunities to examine our hearts and grow.

Steps for turning unglued moments into growth:

1. Reflect on what triggered the reaction
2. Identify any underlying issues (e.g., insecurity, unresolved hurt, unrealistic expectations)
3. Confess and seek forgiveness if necessary
4. Ask God to reveal areas that need healing or growth
5. Develop a plan to address the root issues

Remember, the goal isn't perfection but progress. Each unglued moment can be a stepping stone towards greater emotional maturity and holiness if we approach it with humility and a willingness to learn.

10. Respond to others' unglued reactions with empathy and grace

In an effort to protect my underbelly, I sometimes get all wrapped up in myself and tragically forget the underbelly of my critic—the place they are vulnerable and what they might be hiding and protecting beneath their harsh words and prickly exterior.

Look beyond the surface reaction. When others come unglued around us, it's easy to take it personally or respond defensively. However, their reactions often stem from their own pain, insecurities, or struggles. By remembering this, we can respond with empathy rather than escalating the situation.

Practical ways to respond with grace:

• Take a deep breath and remind yourself not to take it personally
• Ask gentle questions to understand the root of their reaction
• Validate their feelings while maintaining appropriate boundaries
• Offer a kind word or gesture, even if they don't seem to deserve it
• Pray for them and for wisdom in how to respond

By responding with empathy and grace, we not only defuse tense situations but also model Christ-like love and potentially open doors for healing and reconciliation.

Last updated: January 22, 2025