Unspoken Feelings of a Gentleman II

1. Manhood is a Journey, Not a Destination

Becoming a man isn’t an easy journey.

Challenges and Adventures. The path to manhood is fraught with challenges and adventures, requiring constant growth and self-discovery. It's not about fitting in but standing out by staying true to oneself, even when it means going against societal norms.

Maturity vs. Age. Many males grow up without maturing, remaining stuck in immaturity despite their age. The world often promotes irresponsibility, making it difficult to turn away from being less than a man.

Fulfillment in Manhood. Choosing to "man up" may be difficult, but it is ultimately fulfilling. It involves embracing responsibility, seeking guidance, and striving to become who one is designed to be.

2. Unacknowledged Pain Turns Men into Villains

Many men being wronged aren’t villains. However, they become villains as a way to keep themselves from becoming victims.

Victims of Society. Men often become villains as a defense mechanism against being victims of societal demands and fraudulent standards. They are bullied and constantly told they aren't good enough, leading them to internalize this negativity.

Revenge vs. Healing. Many women seek revenge for the sins of their fathers, causing further damage. Men who are wronged often become villains to avoid being victims, perpetuating a cycle of hurt.

The Need for Voice. Men are often taught to suppress their emotions, leading to internal issues. They believe women don't want to hear their deep thoughts, discouraging them from being open and vulnerable.

3. Support is Essential for Pursuing Dreams

We all need support, especially when we are trying to do something we love.

The Importance of Encouragement. Support is crucial, especially when pursuing dreams in a world that often tells you to settle for less. Having someone by your side cheering you on can make a tremendous difference.

The Pain of Lack of Support. It can be incredibly difficult not to have anyone to truly celebrate with, no one to share precious moments and milestones with. It is human instinct to get excited about good news and to share it.

Partner's Role. Partners ought to be each other's biggest fans, using wisdom to evaluate the path chosen, but also being supportive. Lack of partner support can destroy relationships and weaken even the strongest men.

4. The Friend-Zone: A Prison of Unreciprocated Affection

An island I’ve been good enough to discover, but never could find my way off it.

The Good Guy's Dilemma. The friend-zone exists, often noticeable to everyone except the person trapped in it. It never makes sense why a woman would choose to put a good man to the side and entertain a bad man, yet complain about the quality of the relationship.

False Hope and Immaturity. It seems as though they want love, yet they would rather try to suck it out of someone who doesn’t naturally have it for them. I once believed this to be a sign of immaturity, when it’s not really a direct reflection of someone’s maturity level, but the stage where they are in terms of their understanding of love.

Freeing Oneself. Those who are in the friend-zone must learn to free themselves and understand that some women don’t come to their senses until the men they friend-zoned are gone, and some women never come to their senses at all. To remain by her side hoping she turns around may work for some, but quite often it is painful and leads to depression with others.

5. Cheating: A Thief of Trust and a Destroyer of Relationships

My days became filled with frustration and my nights were filled with wet dreams, sleeping in the pool of my tears while dreaming of you.

Remorse and Accountability. When a man cheats, he often wants remorse and immediate forgiveness, but without being accountable for his foolish choices. Many don’t want the blame nor are they willing to accept the fruit of the consequences.

Shifting Blame. It has become common that when a woman finds evidence that a man is cheating, the man points out the fact that it’s wrong of her to be searching, switching the focus to her decision. Demanding remorse and immediate forgiveness without a shadow of a doubt lives in both genders, but as men we’ve milked it more.

The Path to Healing. If you love this woman as you claim, leave her alone. Give her time to heal. The more you keep trying to show her you are sorry and willing to change, the more you will push her away.

6. Forgiveness Without Change is a Hollow Victory

You forgave me with your heart, but your memory kept account of my bad choices.

The Illusion of Second Chances. The thing about second chances is that we all deserve them, but in many cases, not with the same person. It’s a common thing that people take relationships lightly, growing too comfortable and taking their partner for granted.

The Residue of Pain. As men, we fail to realize that sometimes the residue of pain stays in a woman’s heart once we hurt her, even when she says she forgives us. It is nearly impossible for many people to forgive without hanging on to the memories and the damage it caused.

Full Forgiveness. Relationships can only be restored if there’s full forgiveness; full forgiveness is forgiving and forgetting. Unless you put the experience in the past and use the lesson wisely, forgiving becomes only a word instead of an act.

7. Loneliness: A Silent Battle for Men

They think it’s only women who grow desperate for love.

The Myth of Male Independence. It’s too often believed that men are not a species that gets lonely, as if it’s a myth about them, versus an absolute reality for women. Perhaps it is because men show less emotion, rarely voicing their needs.

Coping Mechanisms. Many men become players because they cannot cope with the loneliness. It is better for them to chase countless women, keeping constant interaction with them and feeding off of their attention, rather than staying still being patient until love shows up at their door steps.

The Cure for Loneliness. The cure to loneliness is learning to be happy alone, to be patient and focus on you for the time being. Enough of us aren’t true to ourselves enough to admit that there’s something missing when we do not have someone, but we must learn to be true to ourselves and to wait for what we deserve when we deserve it.

8. Chasing the Forbidden Fruit Leads to Emptiness

It’s as if your love was poison, but to me it was honey and we were bad for each other, but I couldn’t stop craving you.

The Allure of the Unattainable. People fight for things they don’t need all the time. They hang on to things and people they are better without. They like to stick to what they had, because they had it, not because they need it.

Ego and Control. To say that men are the only ones who sometimes want what they can’t have is foolish; but to say that men fight for a woman they can’t have and don’t need simply because they want to be in control is common sense. We (men) do not like losing, it bruises our ego.

The Realization of Emptiness. As I truly evaluated what I was doing, I realized I was never after her because of my love for her; it was about proving to people that they were wrong and that I could do this. It was about having what everyone says I should not have.

9. Insecurities Can Suffocate a Relationship

She asked me, “Who is that girl, do you have history with her?”

The Deadly Power of Insecurity. A man’s insecurities can kill many relationships, but a woman’s insecurities can bury some alive. There are relationships where men are dating women who have yet to stop believing that men are the worst things on earth.

The Trap of the Past. Telling the truth sometimes raises as much doubt as lying to them. It’s an ‘I will never win’ situation with those men. I’ve been stuck in relationships before where I felt like I would never see a victory.

The Need for Understanding. Men want to be understood, as well as women. Not enough women realize that. Many women waste their time blocking out our cries with their complaints, comparing us in the light of their previous partners, instead of learning more about us.

10. True Love Requires Acceptance, Not Transformation

I love her just the way she is, some things about her may not be my favorite things, but never will they keep me from loving her.

Embracing Natural Beauty. There are many things about women that women cannot appreciate about themselves that men truly do not care about. As a man, things that are problems to women, such as stretch marks, natural beauty, uneven breasts, and cellulite have never bothered me.

The Trap of Comparison. I began to hate the weight one of my previous partners had gained and left the relationship, but the weight was never truly the issue, but because I started comparing too much. They say, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and it really is.

Loving the Authentic Self. Loving a woman to me has always been about loving her for who she truly is, which means with, makeup or no makeup. If you’re with a woman, you will have to see her without makeup, if you marry that woman, you’ll get the naked face more than the makeup.

11. The Power of a Woman's Affirmation

Though I am a man, I am made to be loved.

The Craving for Affection. Though I am a man, I am made to be loved. I am made to be appreciated and cherished. I deeply crave affection, attention and consistency as well.

The Impact of Encouragement. Believe me, if I am in love with you, your effort to make me feel that I am the best man in the world will give me enough strength to carry the world. It will not give strength to my legs and endurance to my heart to run out of your world.

The Need for Reciprocity. As a man I am expected to tell my woman wonderful things to help her flourish, yet nothing is said about watering my confidence and encouraging me. What they are unaware of is that with every stroke to my ego, it paints this picture in my head that I am fulfilling my obligations to her as a man.

12. Stepfatherhood: A Chosen Path of Love and Guidance

Today another man’s son called me Dad.

A Conscious Choice. When I stepped into fatherhood by marrying his mother, never did I see this boy to be another man’s son, but my son. He is the fruit of his mother’s loins, and his mother’s heart belongs to me. Therefore, he is my fruit now.

Filling the Void. I know what not having a father can do to you, and I know what having father-like men in your life can do for you. So when I heard the word ‘dad’ come out of this 6-year-old’s mouth, my heart started to beat fast, this is not what I expected.

The Responsibility of Guidance. If there’s one thing I want him to know, is that I am new to this, but I will do my best to be the father you need. I will not be perfect, but I will be present.

Last updated: February 21, 2025