Women Who Love Too Much

1. Women who love too much often come from dysfunctional families

Typically, you come from a dysfunctional home in which your emotional needs were not met.

Family dynamics shape relationship patterns. Women who love too much often grow up in homes where their emotional needs were neglected or where they had to take on adult responsibilities prematurely. This can lead to:

• Seeking validation and love through caretaking roles
• Difficulty setting healthy boundaries
• Attraction to partners who need "fixing"
• Tendency to prioritize others' needs over their own

These early experiences create a template for future relationships, where the woman unconsciously seeks to recreate and "fix" the dysfunctional dynamics she experienced in childhood.

2. Loving too much is a pattern of behavior, not true love

When being in love means being in pain we are loving too much.

Obsession is not love. Women who love too much often mistake intense emotional pain, anxiety, and obsession for love. This pattern is characterized by:

• Constantly thinking about the partner and the relationship
• Trying to change or "save" the partner
• Tolerating abusive or neglectful behavior
• Feeling unworthy or desperate for the partner's attention

True love involves mutual respect, trust, and support. In contrast, loving too much is a one-sided effort to gain love and approval through self-sacrifice and control.

3. Denial and control are key mechanisms in unhealthy relationships

Denial feeds the need to control, and the inevitable failure to control feeds the need to deny.

Avoiding reality perpetuates dysfunction. Women who love too much often use denial to avoid facing painful truths about their relationships. This denial leads to attempts to control their partner or situation, which inevitably fail. Key aspects include:

• Minimizing or rationalizing partner's negative behaviors
• Blaming oneself for relationship problems
• Attempting to manage partner's life or emotions
• Difficulty accepting reality of the situation

Breaking this cycle requires acknowledging the truth of one's circumstances and relinquishing the illusion of control over others.

4. Addiction to relationships parallels substance addiction

We use our obsession with the men we love to avoid our pain, emptiness, fear, and anger.

Relationship addiction is a real phenomenon. The emotional highs and lows of dysfunctional relationships can be as addictive as drugs or alcohol. This addiction is characterized by:

• Using relationships to avoid dealing with personal issues
• Experiencing withdrawal symptoms when alone
• Constantly seeking the "fix" of a new relationship
• Inability to function without a partner

Like substance addiction, relationship addiction requires a comprehensive approach to recovery, including support groups, therapy, and a commitment to personal growth.

5. Breaking the cycle requires recognizing and changing patterns

Without spiritual development, it is nearly impossible to let go of self-will, and without letting go of self-will you will not be able to take the next step.

Self-awareness is the first step to change. Recognizing the patterns of loving too much is crucial for breaking the cycle. This involves:

• Identifying recurring relationship dynamics
• Understanding one's role in perpetuating unhealthy patterns
• Developing a spiritual practice or higher purpose
• Learning to let go of control and self-will

Breaking these patterns often requires professional help and support from others who have gone through similar experiences. It's a challenging process that demands courage and persistence.

6. Recovery involves prioritizing self-care and personal growth

Make your own recovery the first priority in your life.

Self-care is not selfish. Women who love too much must learn to prioritize their own well-being and personal growth. This shift in focus involves:

• Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries
• Developing interests and pursuits outside of relationships
• Learning to validate oneself rather than seeking external approval
• Practicing self-compassion and self-acceptance

Recovery is an ongoing process that requires consistent effort and a commitment to putting one's own needs first.

7. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and shared values

It is only fair to mention that as you let go of the role of smoothing out his life, things may get chaotic, and you may receive some criticism from people who don't understand what you are doing (or not doing).

Equality and shared responsibility are crucial. Healthy relationships differ significantly from the dynamics of loving too much. Key characteristics include:

• Mutual respect and support
• Shared values and goals
• Equal responsibility for the relationship
• Acceptance of each other's individuality

As women recover from loving too much, they may need to reevaluate their current relationships and potentially make difficult decisions about ending or changing those that don't support their growth.

8. Intimacy requires vulnerability and self-acceptance

When it comes to the kind of intimacy you and Hal already have, and what you can have together in the future, you're very much like a virgin. It's all new, and you're very inexperienced at this way of being with a man, with anyone in fact.

True intimacy can be scary. For women recovering from loving too much, genuine intimacy can feel unfamiliar and frightening. Developing healthy intimacy involves:

• Learning to be vulnerable without losing oneself
• Accepting and loving oneself first
• Communicating openly and honestly
• Allowing oneself to be truly known by another

This process often requires patience and practice, as well as a willingness to face and work through fears of abandonment or rejection.

9. Sharing experiences helps maintain recovery and support others

Sharing your experiences with others means remembering that this is the last step in recovery, not the first.

Helping others reinforces personal growth. Sharing one's journey of recovery can be a powerful tool for maintaining progress and supporting others. This can involve:

• Participating in support groups
• Mentoring others in recovery
• Educating others about healthy relationships
• Using personal experiences to inspire and guide others

However, it's important to ensure one's own recovery is solid before taking on a helping role, to avoid falling back into patterns of over-giving or codependency.

Last updated: October 19, 2024