Writing the Memoir

1. Memoir is a story from a life, not a whole life story

A memoir is different, and the difference has to do with the choice of subject matter.

Focused narrative. Unlike an autobiography, which attempts to capture an entire life, a memoir zeroes in on a specific aspect or theme within the author's experience. This selective approach allows for a deeper exploration of particular events, relationships, or periods that have shaped the writer's life. By narrowing the scope, memoirists can offer readers a more intimate and detailed perspective on their chosen subject.

Thematic exploration. The power of memoir lies in its ability to extract meaning from individual experiences and connect them to universal themes. Writers must carefully select events and memories that contribute to their chosen focus, weaving them together to create a cohesive narrative. This process requires introspection and analysis, as the author seeks to understand and convey the significance of their experiences within the larger context of their life and the world around them.

2. Finding your voice is essential in memoir writing

The great essayist Montaigne understood that "in an essay, the track of a person's thoughts struggling to achieve some understanding of a problem is the plot, is the adventure."

Authentic expression. The memoirist's voice is the thread that ties the entire narrative together, guiding readers through the author's experiences and reflections. This voice should be conversational and intimate, creating a sense of connection between the writer and the reader. Developing an authentic voice requires self-awareness and a willingness to be vulnerable on the page.

Balancing perspectives. A successful memoir combines the perspective of the narrator at the time of the events with the wisdom and insights gained through reflection. This dual viewpoint allows the writer to present both the immediacy of lived experience and the deeper understanding that comes with time and distance. The interplay between these perspectives creates a rich, layered narrative that engages readers on multiple levels.

3. Structure your memoir around a central theme or focus

One of the important skills of memoir writing is the selection of the theme or themes that will bind the work together.

Thematic cohesion. A well-structured memoir revolves around a central theme or focus that gives the narrative purpose and direction. This overarching idea serves as a compass, guiding the writer's selection of events, memories, and reflections to include in the story. Common themes in memoirs include:

• Personal growth and transformation
• Overcoming adversity
• Family relationships
• Cultural identity
• Professional journeys

Narrative arc. While memoirs don't always follow a strict chronological order, they should have a clear narrative arc that propels the story forward. This structure helps readers understand the progression of events and the author's evolving perspective. Consider organizing your memoir using one of these approaches:

• Chronological: Following a linear timeline
• Thematic: Grouping events by related ideas or concepts
• Circular: Beginning and ending at the same point, with the journey in between
• Braided: Weaving together multiple storylines or time periods

4. Balance scene, summary, and musing in your narrative

Memoir is really a kind of hybrid form with elements of both fiction and essay, in which the author's voice, musing conversationally on a true story, is all important.

Scene: Bring key moments to life through vivid, detailed descriptions that engage the reader's senses. Use dialogue, action, and sensory details to create a cinematic experience on the page.

Summary: Condense longer periods or less critical events to maintain narrative momentum. Summaries provide context and bridge gaps between scenes, helping readers understand the broader arc of your story.

Musing: Reflect on the meaning and significance of events, offering insights and connecting your personal experiences to larger themes. This element distinguishes memoir from pure storytelling, adding depth and relevance to your narrative.

Balancing these elements creates a dynamic reading experience, alternating between immersive scenes, efficient summaries, and thoughtful reflections. This variety keeps readers engaged while allowing you to explore the full complexity of your story.

5. Use sensory details to bring your story to life

Memory resides in specific sensory details, not in abstract notions like "beautiful" or "angry" (ask yourself, "in what particular way was she beautiful?" or "what did the angry dog sound like?")

Engage the senses. Vivid, specific details help readers experience your story as if they were there. Instead of simply telling readers what happened, show them through rich sensory descriptions that evoke:

• Sight: Colors, shapes, movements
• Sound: Voices, ambient noises, music
• Smell: Fragrances, odors, scents that trigger memories
• Taste: Flavors that transport readers to specific moments
• Touch: Textures, temperatures, physical sensations

Selective focus. Choose details that not only paint a picture but also convey emotion and meaning. Concentrate on the most impactful sensory experiences that reveal character, advance the story, or illuminate your theme.

• Example: Instead of "The kitchen was messy," write "Crusty dishes teetered in precarious towers, while the sour smell of spoiled milk hung in the air, a testament to Mom's deepening depression."

6. Navigate the ethical challenges of writing about living people

We have a right to tell our stories, but not to blunder into publication without a thought for the consequences.

Ethical considerations. Writing about real people presents unique challenges, especially when those individuals are still living. Memoirists must balance their right to tell their truth with the potential impact on others. Key ethical considerations include:

• Privacy: Respecting others' right to keep certain aspects of their lives private
• Accuracy: Striving for truthful representation, even when relying on imperfect memory
• Fairness: Presenting balanced portrayals, avoiding character assassination
• Consent: Considering whether to inform or seek permission from those featured in your story

Strategies for ethical writing:

• Change names and identifying details to protect privacy
• Focus on your own experiences and perceptions rather than speculating about others' motivations
• Consider showing relevant sections to those involved before publication
• Reflect on your motivations for including potentially sensitive information

Remember that ethical writing not only protects others but also enhances your credibility as an author and the overall integrity of your memoir.

7. Ground your personal story in the larger world

Although you may have felt marooned in your childhood, as an adult using a retrospective voice, you can place that childhood in the world of a neighborhood, a school, acquaintances and friends, radio or television, and all the unexpected changes in the larger world that enter into a home.

Contextual richness. Situating your personal narrative within the broader context of your time and place adds depth and relevance to your memoir. This approach helps readers connect your experiences to larger historical, cultural, and social trends, making your story more relatable and meaningful.

Balancing personal and universal. Weave references to the wider world throughout your narrative:

• Historical events: How did major news stories impact your life?
• Popular culture: What movies, music, or books shaped your perspective?
• Social movements: How did changes in society influence your experiences?
• Technology: How did evolving technology affect your daily life?
• Local community: How did your neighborhood or town shape your story?

By connecting your personal experiences to these broader elements, you create a memoir that resonates beyond your individual story, offering readers insights into the human experience within a specific time and place.

8. Embrace the truth, even when it's difficult

For my part, I struggled for a long time with the conflicting claims of the exact truth of the story and its emotional truth as I perceived it.

Honesty and vulnerability. The power of memoir lies in its ability to convey authentic human experiences. Embracing difficult truths, even when they're uncomfortable or unflattering, adds depth and credibility to your narrative. This honesty creates a connection with readers who can relate to the complexities and imperfections of real life.

Balancing fact and emotion. While striving for factual accuracy, recognize that emotional truth is equally important in memoir. Consider these approaches:

• Acknowledge uncertainties: Use phrases like "as I remember it" or "to the best of my recollection" when details are hazy
• Explore multiple perspectives: Reflect on how others might have experienced the same events differently
• Fact-check when possible: Research or consult others to verify key details
• Focus on your truth: Emphasize your personal experience and interpretation of events

Remember that embracing difficult truths doesn't mean exposing every detail or settling scores. Always consider the purpose and impact of including sensitive information in your narrative.

9. Move through time skillfully in your narrative

Moving both backward and forward in time, re-creating believable dialogue, switching back and forth between scene and summary, and controlling the pace and tension of the story, the memoirist keeps her reader engaged by being an adept storyteller.

Temporal flexibility. Memoirs don't have to follow a strict chronological order. Skillful manipulation of time can create a more engaging and meaningful narrative. Techniques for moving through time include:

• Flashbacks: Jumping back to earlier events to provide context or reveal important information
• Flash-forwards: Briefly looking ahead to show consequences or create anticipation
• Parallel narratives: Weaving together stories from different time periods
• Thematic organization: Grouping events by theme rather than chronology

Clear transitions. When shifting between time periods, provide clear signposts to orient your readers:

• Use transitional phrases: "Years earlier," "Meanwhile," "Looking back now"
• Employ verb tenses consistently to indicate different time frames
• Include specific dates or time markers when relevant
• Use sensory details to ground readers in each new time period

Remember that the goal is to create a cohesive narrative that illuminates the connections between past and present, revealing how your experiences have shaped your understanding over time.

10. Seek constructive feedback to improve your writing

Getting feedback on your drafts is an invaluable part of the process. Memoir, in particular, can be difficult for you to read dispassionately.

Value of outside perspectives. As a memoirist, you're intimately familiar with your story, which can make it challenging to identify areas that need clarification or improvement. Seeking feedback from others helps you:

• Identify confusing passages or gaps in information
• Gauge emotional impact and reader engagement
• Spot inconsistencies in tone or characterization
• Discover new insights or interpretations of your experiences

Effective feedback strategies:

• Join a writing group or find critique partners
• Participate in workshops or writing classes
• Work with a professional editor or writing coach
• Share drafts with trusted readers who can offer honest feedback

When receiving feedback:

• Listen openly without becoming defensive
• Ask for specific examples to illustrate general comments
• Consider multiple opinions before making changes
• Remember that you have the final say in your story

Constructive feedback can help you refine your writing, ensuring that your memoir effectively communicates your experiences and insights to readers.

Last updated: November 19, 2024