You Can Have It All, Just Not at the Same Damn Time

1. Focus on What Truly Matters: Identify Your Priorities and Goals

"You can have it all, just not at the same damn time."

Clarity is key. To have it all, you must first define what "all" means to you. Start by identifying your One Word for the year, which encapsulates your intention and what you want to work on, experience, accomplish, give, and receive. This One Word becomes your guidepost for the next twelve months.

Priorities and Goals. Once you've established your One Word, determine 2-3 Priorities that serve it. These Priorities are your values, lifestyle principles, and beliefs that are so important to you right now that not serving them is nonnegotiable. For each Priority, set 2-3 Goals (no more than 5) that support it. Goals are things that haven't yet been realized but you're committed to making happen.

• Example One Word: Balance
• Example Priority: I make healthy decisions
  Example Goals:
  • Exercise five times a week
  • Keep washed and cut up fruits and vegetables on hand every week
  • Go to bed at 10:00 p.m. during the week to get more sleep

2. Calculate Your Time's Worth and Invest It Wisely

"Every hour of my time was worth $962! That blew my mind and my billable rate as a lawyer or PR consultant out of the water."

Your time is valuable. To truly understand the worth of your time, calculate your hourly rate based on your desired annual income and ideal work hours per week. This calculation provides a powerful filter for decision-making about where to spend your time.

Use your hourly worth as a guide. Once you know your time's value, it becomes easier to make decisions about what activities are worth your personal involvement and what should be delegated or eliminated. This mindset shift helps you focus on high-value tasks that align with your Priorities and Goals.

Calculation:

1. Decide your desired annual income
2. Determine ideal work hours per week
3. Calculate: (Annual Income) ÷ (Work Hours per Week × 52 weeks) = Your Hourly Worth

3. Relentlessly Edit Your Life: Delete, Delegate, and Simplify

"Remember, the point is to Have It All, not Do It All."

Eliminate the unnecessary. Take a hard look at everything you do in a week and categorize each activity. Mark "P" for tasks serving your Priorities, "G" for those helping you achieve your Goals, "F" for Fun activities, "H" for things you Hate doing, "S" for things you think you Should Do, and "M" for Must Do tasks.

Delegate or delete. Focus on eliminating or delegating activities marked "H" or "S". These are often tasks that don't serve your Priorities or Goals but consume your time and energy. Learn to say "No" to requests that don't align with your focus areas.

Tasks to consider delegating:

• Housecleaning
• Laundry
• Administrative work
• Meal preparation
• Errands

Strategies for saying "No":

• Be honest and authentic
• Explain why you need to decline without being defensive
• Offer alternative solutions if possible
• Remember that "No" is a complete sentence

4. Develop Habits That Serve Your Priorities and Goals

"What we do every day matters more than what we do once in a while."

Small changes add up. Focus on developing habits that directly support your Priorities and Goals. Start with small, incremental changes rather than attempting sweeping transformations overnight.

Key habits to consider:

1. Schedule control: Use a calendar to plan your week and review it daily
2. Tackle hard tasks first: Do the most challenging work when you're fresh
3. Morning routine: Start your day with gratitude, intention-setting, and self-care
4. Adequate sleep: Prioritize 7-8 hours of sleep per night
5. Use multipliers: Combine activities to achieve multiple goals simultaneously
6. Minimize distractions: Create focused work environments

To adopt new habits:

1. Identify the pain point you're trying to address
2. Design a specific habit to relieve that pain
3. Start small - focus on showing up rather than perfection
4. Be consistent - aim for 66 days to solidify the habit
5. If you stumble, get back on track immediately

5. Tame Technology: Control Your Devices, Don't Let Them Control You

"Disconnecting from our technology to reconnect with ourselves is absolutely essential."

Technology is a tool, not a master. While technology enables us to do more, it can also hijack our attention and prevent us from being present in our lives. Develop strategies to control your device usage without completely shunning technology.

Practical steps to tame technology:

1. Use the off button: Turn off your phone completely during family time or vacations
2. Set a timer: Limit social media usage to specific time blocks
3. Put devices away: Keep phones out of sight during meals and meetings
4. Disable notifications: Turn off all non-essential alerts
5. Carry a book: Have alternative entertainment for down moments
6. Practice phone-free bathroom breaks: Resist the urge to scroll while on the toilet
7. Implement the One-and-Done Rule: Take one photo or short video at events, then be present

Remember, your phone works for you, not the other way around. By controlling your technology use, you regain focus and presence in your life.

6. Embrace Quiet Time to Hear Your Inner Voice

"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you."

Silence is essential. Regular periods of quiet allow your brain to rest, restore cognitive resources, and hear your inner voice - what the author calls the Heart Voice. This voice guides you, alerts you, warns you, and calms you.

Finding quiet doesn't require stillness. You can incorporate quiet time in various ways:

• Walking in nature
• Yoga or meditation
• Running without music
• Sitting in silence for a few minutes before transitioning to a new task
• Prayer or spiritual reflection

Benefits of quiet time:

• Reduces stress and anxiety
• Improves mental clarity and decision-making
• Enhances creativity and problem-solving abilities
• Strengthens connection with your authentic self
• Helps identify misalignments between actions and values

Start with just 5-10 minutes of quiet time daily, gradually increasing as you experience the benefits. Remember, it's not about perfection but consistency.

7. Live Authentically: Be True to Yourself in All Aspects of Life

"Let go of who you think you're supposed to be; embrace who you are."

Authenticity is liberating. Living in alignment with your true self reduces stress, increases confidence, and attracts the right opportunities and people into your life. It requires courage to be vulnerable and show your real self, but the rewards are immense.

Steps to embrace authenticity:

1. Identify your values and beliefs
2. Challenge societal expectations and "shoulds"
3. Practice self-acceptance, including your imperfections
4. Express your thoughts and feelings honestly
5. Make decisions based on your true desires, not others' expectations
6. Surround yourself with people who accept and support the real you

Remember, authenticity is a practice, not a destination. It involves daily choices to show up as your true self, even when it's uncomfortable. As you become more authentic, you'll find it easier to identify and pursue what truly matters to you.

8. Practice Self-Forgiveness and Learn from Mistakes

"It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive."

Forgiveness is growth. Holding grudges against yourself for past mistakes wastes time, energy, and emotions. Instead, use a process of Review, Revise, and Release to learn from failures and move forward.

The Three R's Process:

1. Review: Analyze what happened and why
2. Revise: Determine how to prevent similar mistakes in the future
3. Release: Let go of the negative emotions and forgive yourself

Examples of things to forgive yourself for:

• Relationship mistakes
• Career missteps
• Harsh words spoken in anger
• Missed opportunities due to fear
• Personal shortcomings or perceived inadequacies

Remember, perfection is unattainable. Focus on progress and growth rather than flawlessness. By forgiving yourself, you free up mental and emotional energy to pursue your Priorities and Goals with renewed vigor.

9. Conquer Fear: Act in Spite of It to Achieve Your Dreams

"It's not our job to argue with fear or fix it or escape it. It's our job to act in spite of it."

Fear is inevitable. Everyone experiences fear, especially when pursuing big dreams or taking risks. The goal isn't to eliminate fear but to develop the courage to act despite it.

Strategies to conquer fear:

1. Acknowledge fear as natural and human
2. Identify specific fears holding you back
3. Reframe fear as a sign you're pushing your boundaries
4. Focus on your "why" - the reasons behind your goals
5. Take small, consistent actions despite fear
6. Celebrate every step forward, no matter how small
7. Surround yourself with supportive people who encourage your growth

Remember Nelson Mandela's words: "Courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it." By consistently acting in the face of fear, you build resilience and move closer to realizing your full potential and living the life you truly desire.

Last updated: November 18, 2024